Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

I feel like i'm burnout a month into school and exam season hasn't even started yet and is just after Christmas. I've been physically sick- I actually forgot that its been less than a month since I stopped the old anti depressant I was on. One of our compulsory classes on friday has been moved to Wednesday next week. And i thought I could go home for 4 days over the weekend. I called my parents to say that I wanted to come back and my father asked why would I want to?

It sounds small but that got to me. Is it so hard to really understand why? It made me feel like I was just unwanted. The old suicidal thoughts have been creeping in and I'm so tired. In my fantasy world- I'd go home and be looked after but in all honestly I know that wouldn't happen anyway but I miss my siblings. Being here drains me the idea of staying over christmas is hard.

R is also going on holiday before Christmas from the 20th till the 1st. It makes me so mad at him and I know I'm being unreasonable.

Hugs. I'm sorry your dad hurt you there.

I don't think being mad at your T for leaving over christmas is unreasonable. T always encourages me to be angry at him for going on vacation (He's sick right now - wondering what he'll say when he's back. "You can be angry at me for being sick?" - lol).

Is there anything we can do to help? I know that fantasy of being taken care of very well. It often makes me sad that it will probably never happen.

I just found out I have to show up in court next week for a divorce hearing.

This has induced a major panic attack and lots of tears. It’s not so much court—it’s for a default decree and should not take long—as it is having to deal with the whole thing. And I suppose it’s possible future ex might show up.

I guess it’s good I’m about to leave for Info anyway.

I just found out I have to show up in court next week for a divorce hearing.

This has induced a major panic attack and lots of tears. It’s not so much court—it’s for a default decree and should not take long—as it is having to deal with the whole thing. And I suppose it’s possible future ex might show up.

I guess it’s good I’m about to leave for Info anyway.

Demunie your reply is enough

When I feel like i'm heading for a depressive episode I know I cut out people in real life and stop replying to messages for a while- it just seems too hard to manage. I'm glad I have this space, but I feel like when i need him the most he's vanishing. This period is longer than his week and I feel stupid complaining.

When I was younger I had this tent I'd play in. It sounds silly but I made my own tent yesterday under my desk. Carpet, Yoga mat for padding. lamp, text books, 3 stuffed bears and my fuzzy blanket. The open side is fully covered by a thin red ikea blanket. I did the same when my favourite uncle died. The smaller space makes me feel safe. I'm proud of myself for not giving into SH urges and think its been around 2 months now.

lol I changed my avatar after noticing 2 other posters with the same picture in the same day!

Trigger warning for pet loss.

We lost another baby kitten this morning and DD1 and the boy just left the emergency vet with yet another. They recommended hospitalization and extensive (expensive?) treatment but we could never afford it. They euthanized her for free because it was the most humane solution.

The problem with being a crazy cat lady is we don't have infinite resources and she takes in every stray and every litter. We've managed to give them all away in the past, but something is wrong with these babies. It hurts so much to know they suffered and we couldn't help them. The 3 that are still here appear healthy but that could change. They could have an infection (parasite/etc.) and passed it among themselves.

I came home today to 2 sobbing, extremely upset daughters and a pitiful sick kitten. I wish I could have spared them all that suffering. It's easier to not get attached or try to care for pets when you can only do it half-arsed. Pet rocks maybe?

RIP Soot, Pan-Face and Doofy. I'm sorry I'm a broke loser with a mile-wide soft spot.

Ugh ATAT. I hope Info is able to be supportive and as minimally weird as possible. I mean, we know she'll be slightly weird. That's part of the allure.

She was okay. At least I don’t feel as self-destructive as before session. As for weird, here are your Infoisms of the day, Couch.

-She was wearing a very definite Fall Wood Nymph dress. Like the picture, only instead of clearly defined leaves they were more splotches. Throw in mustard orange leggings and brown pirate boots and you get the idea. One of her better outfits, actually. (It also meant she wasn’t wearing her ginormous silver jeweled vampire huntress cross in her cleavage, always an improvement.)

-Just before me she’d been running a psychodrama group, and on her whiteboard when I walked in was a Hangman game. Winning phrase, “Wonder Woman cuff.”

Is she single?

Asking for a friend.

Next you’ll be wanting pictures of her nether limbs.

I also very much want to know who Info is so that I can definitely not stalk her on social media.

As far as I can tell she has no social media accounts. Occasionally she is mentioned on her pal DBC’s Facebook page, but she doesn’t seem to have one herself. No LinkedIn, nothing. Only personal thing I found online was a review of a restaurant in Paris.

Mini-poll time: as I was leaving she told me about the attack in the city this afternoon. I’ve briefly discussed current events with therapists, but never been given the news of one. In this case I’d already heard, but should they really be giving clients news updates that might upset them?

She was okay. At least I don’t feel as self-destructive as before session. As for weird, here are your Infoisms of the day, Couch.

-She was wearing a very definite Fall Wood Nymph dress. Like the picture, only instead of clearly defined leaves they were more splotches. Throw in mustard orange leggings and brown pirate boots and you get the idea. One of her better outfits, actually. (It also meant she wasn’t wearing her ginormous silver jeweled vampire huntress cross in her cleavage, always an improvement.)

-Just before me she’d been running a psychodrama group, and on her whiteboard when I walked in was a Hangman game. Winning phrase, “Wonder Woman cuff.”