Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

ruh roh · Oct 31, 2017, 09:02 PM

So now the doc says the hole in my head is from a virus, not bacteria, so several days of antibiotics has just weakened my immune system. Thanks, modern medicine. From here on out, unless something new is known about this, I'm going to call it that thing that happened when my therapist suggested I see a sexologist.

I do think that while it's not exactly because of the sex doctor referral, I had told my therapist last week that these triggering topics I keep pressing to talk about felt like a volcano about to erupt, that I could feel it erupting, and it had to come out. She had, as always, been urging caution. She said that we could test how I was doing on Sunday to see the effect of my forcing discussion on these triggering topics. And then days later...a literal eruption of skin infection that ended up in a trip to the ER on Sunday, the day she'd tossed out as a measuring stick for how I was doing with these topics.

This is not the first time I've pushed, against her advice and caution, and ended up with a physical issue.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 31, 2017, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruh roh

So now the doc says the hole in my head is from a virus, not bacteria, so several days of antibiotics has just weakened my immune system. Thanks, modern medicine. From here on out, unless something new is known about this, I'm going to call it that thing that happened when my therapist suggested I see a sexologist.

I do think that while it's not exactly because of the sex doctor referral, I had told my therapist last week that these triggering topics I keep pressing to talk about felt like a volcano about to erupt, that I could feel it erupting, and it had to come out. She had, as always, been urging caution. She said that we could test how I was doing on Sunday to see the effect of my forcing discussion on these triggering topics. And then days later...a literal eruption of skin infection that ended up in a trip to the ER on Sunday, the day she'd tossed out as a measuring stick for how I was doing with these topics.

This is not the first time I've pushed, against her advice and caution, and ended up with a physical issue.

Yikes, can they at least give you some sort of antiviral? Something to help it get better? Our body can definitely reflect what's going on in our mind at times...

LonesomeTonight · Oct 31, 2017, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

It feels like my life has unraveled and I can't deal with it. The company that moved me out of the house was supposed to clean my items. They didn't. I asked them multiple times about the cleaning and only yesterday they told me that the insurance company didn't approve cleaning. There were two upholstered armchairs that were about 4 feet from the fire. They obviously need to be cleaned or they are totally unusable.

They started bringing my things back this morning. They were an hour and a half late and I was sitting there in my house and all I could think about was the stuff my husband did and said to me in that house. I don't want to move back in there but I have no choice. On a totally illogical note, the house seems so empty and I feel so alone. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that my husband is in prison. I'm having trouble sleeping and I'm anxious all the time. I keep crying. I'm afraid my T is going to abandon me. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I'm so miserable.

Hugs...that all sounds so difficult. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. When do you see your T next? Can you contact him for support?

NP_Complete · Oct 31, 2017, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs...that all sounds so difficult. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. When do you see your T next? Can you contact him for support?

I emailed him this morning to see if he had anything available today, but he didn't and said he was leaving early sick. We're supposed to meet tomorrow and Thursday, but now I'm scared he's going to be out sick tomorrow. I have two more nights in the hotel. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with sleeping in my house again.

Oct 31, 2017, 09:23 PM

Not even an hour later, and we've had a total of 58 trick or treaters.... It's really doing my heart good to see Dads out with their kids, instead of in front of the tv. (There have been a couple asking what the score of the world series game is, cuz my h is watching it and they can see the tv from the front door lol)

ruh roh · Oct 31, 2017, 09:33 PM

I am hiding from the trick or treaters. Knocking on my door triggers old body memories of a home invasion from a long time ago. I hate it so much because I really love Halloween. I keep an eye on trick or treaters through the lowered blinds, as they walk by with their flashlights and lanterns. My therapist suggested closing the blinds all the way, but it's almost worse to hear people moving around outside and not see them.

ruh roh · Oct 31, 2017, 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yikes, can they at least give you some sort of antiviral? Something to help it get better? Our body can definitely reflect what's going on in our mind at times...

No, the doc said he didn't want to prescribe an antiviral. I'm so over that whole medical scene anyway, doing natural remedies until I die.

atisketatasket · Oct 31, 2017, 10:32 PM

I expect no one here will get who I’m talking about, but, my gawd, Sandy Koufax is HOT for an 81-year-old.

Oct 31, 2017, 10:45 PM

I know who Sandy Koufax is. And I agree he does, in a Clint Eastwood kinda way.

unaluna · Oct 31, 2017, 11:33 PM

He was a big name in my day.

captgut · Nov 01, 2017, 02:00 AM

Remember I told you about a psychotherapy book for my T?
I just understood I've made a serious translation mistake in one of the chapters

I'm so angry with myself.

I'll tell him. I hope he won't hate me...

Demunie · Nov 01, 2017, 02:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

Remember I told you about a psychotherapy book for my T?
I just understood I've made a serious translation mistake in one of the chapters

I'm so angry with myself.

I'll tell him. I hope he won't hate me...

Hugs - mistakes happen. I'm sure he won't be angry at you. Don't be too hard on yourself (yes, easier said than done)

What was the mistake?

captgut · Nov 01, 2017, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demunie

Hugs - mistakes happen. I'm sure he won't be angry at you. Don't be too hard on yourself (yes, easier said than done)

What was the mistake?

I don't want to tell because I feel VERY stupid.
Well, I chose the wrong word for some term...

Demunie · Nov 01, 2017, 02:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

I don't want to tell because I feel VERY stupid.
Well, I chose the wrong word for some term...

Okay.
English is only your second (?) language. Many people don't spean their second language as well as you do. It's ok if you use the wrong term, even if it get's embarassing.

Btw, I saw a video yesterday... Take a look at this:
r/engrish

Nov 01, 2017, 03:28 AM

I'm terrible with my native tongue. I consider English my first language. While I was raised from birth to be bilingual as typical for people in my country, I'm awful with my native tongue and orders of magnitude more fluent in English. I couldn't do a translation, I simply don't have the vocab.

Capt, don't beat yourself up. You're fluent enough in two languages and that's quite an accomplishment.

Nov 01, 2017, 03:30 AM

Ruh Roh, I hope Halloween gets easier for you.

captgut · Nov 01, 2017, 03:33 AM

I can't forgive myself.
I have enough problems and worries as it is, and now I have to blame myself for that.
://

Demunie · Nov 01, 2017, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

I can't forgive myself.
I have enough problems and worries as it is, and now I have to blame myself for that.
://

Is there a chance he didn't notice the mistake?

captgut · Nov 01, 2017, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demunie

Is there a chance he didn't notice the mistake?

He didn't notice, I know because we've discussed that chapter.
I'll tell him to feel relieved. But I have to wait 9 days full of hate and sadness.

Demunie · Nov 01, 2017, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

He didn't notice, I know because we've discussed that chapter.
I'll tell him to feel relieved. But I have to wait 9 days full of hate and sadness.

Then I'm sure he won't be angry with you. You're a great person capt - as said before, mistakes happen. What would T have to say to make the hate/sadness go away?

captgut · 04:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demunie

Then I'm sure he won't be angry with you. You're a great person capt - as said before, mistakes happen. What would T have to say to make the hate/sadness go away?

"It's okay, I don't hate you. This is a great book anyway"
I'm sure he'll say something like this... But I have to wait.

I'm not a great person

I don't understand why people keep saying that.
It's easier for me to believe everyone is hypnotised by aliens than admit the possibility I'm a nice person.

Nov 01, 2017, 04:36 AM

Capt, trust me when I say I understand the self loathing. I'm probably right there with you in terms of how deep the hatred for myself goes. But can everyone really be wrong? In order to see what everyone else sees in you, you're going to need to start being nicer to yourself. Say some kind things instead of all of the terrible things.

At least that's what my therapists have told me. Let's go on this journey together?

Nov 01, 2017, 04:47 AM

My T once encouraged me to be neutral rather than punitive if I couldn't /wouldn't be kind to myself.

People don't learn better with self criticism, she says. We just get fearful of messing up. She believes encouragement and understanding motivate us to learn.

Nov 01, 2017, 04:49 AM

A friend introduced me to coffee with frenched whipped cream slowly added to it.

Omg, it was so good. She asked to hug me so I hugged her. Felt weird because she's much taller than me and I'm usually too inhibited to be physically affectionate. I thought "wow, she doesn't think I'm disgusting!"

Nov 01, 2017, 04:55 AM

We say you're a great person because you are, capt

I'm pretty sure you like us and would say each of us are good people even though some of us hate ourselves too.

"Others are good and I am bad" is unfortunately a common belief, and one I believe about myself too as many of us do. Yet we all can see the good in others but not the good others see in us.

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Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

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