Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

(((Lola's))))

((Lola))

Hihi... surprised he doesn't want to the kittens food

I just thought...
Some people really annoy me. I can't say I hate them, but I don't like them, I find them arrogant, rude etc.
But I know that someone loves them. Someone finds them nice, kind etc. And I don't think it's strange. People are different.

So... I annoy myself, I think I'm disgusting and so on. But it doesn't mean noone loves me. It doesn't mean everyone thinks I'm disgusting. People are different.

Hey, capt.

From where I'm sitting, that sounds like a good realisation. I certainly don't think you're disgusting. In fact, I think you're amazing, with everything that you go through just to get through the day. *hugs*

My T is dealing with something this week, and she actually shared it with me. I consider that a gift. I can empathize with her because I've been through similar before. But the problem is that I'm really struggling right now and need her! My family is causing so much drama for me that it's triggering childhood issues/memories. I have to somehow make it to Monday then I can see my T.

Huge hugs Lola. I hope your father is okay.

Therapy session in one hour and 30 mins.

I don't feel so strong.

R told me he was going away in December in our last session- I asked if I could have the number of an alternative therapist. His reply was that therapy was about the relationship not individual sessions. Setting me up with another therapist wouldn't do anything for me, other than be a shoulder to cry on. If I wanted a shoulder to cry on I should call Samaritans ( a UK charity helpline).

I didn't like the way he said it. It's almost close to 11 months of therapy and still all I do in sessions is cry. I've only only had maybe 5 sessions which didn't end up with the water works. Is it so hard to get that the idea of him going away again isn't easy. I get that I am supposed to be a fully functioning 26 year old adult but, I feel like all therapy has done is bring out the seven year old me that wants him to stay and I'm selfish because I'm only thinking about me. I am dramatic, but there are no real measures in place should I start to spiral. Just an attitude of deal with S. It's "only" slightly less than 2 weeks- so walk the line. Behave.

But what more do I want from him? To prove that he's still "there". The timing is too close to exams, and he's the only one I really have to talk to.

Pocket rider? :-)

Hey, Cake...

That seems really shortsighted of your R. If you need more support, you need more support. I'll hop in, too.

(((Cake)))

I have my next session in a little over an hour. I have a feeling it's going to be dense, and a fear that it's going to end up being disjointed. Pocket riders?

I'll pocket ride, Lost and Cake

Your pets live on the ceiling? . Mind you, it would save a lot of space if they did.

Where do you get that from? If so surely all of the water in the bucket nailed to the ceiling would have run out.

I'm sorry for wasting your time. Please, don't worry about me

Omg Valium is wonderful. I am so anxiety free I can walk around without my walking stick for longer. T never told me those feelings were anxiety or if he did I forgot.

I am back home and really relaxing it was nice to get a good nights sleep last night. I plan to get up early in the morning and poison all the prickly weeds before it rains. Hopefully it's not too windy

Thank you for the pocket riders.

Do you want to talk for a bit Cap I'm around for a hour?

No. Thank you...
I should stop trying. I gave up.

I'm in your pocket too, Cake. And Lost. Hope you both have good sessions.

I feel terrible this morning. Totally miserable. Feels like everything is bad and wrong. Is everything bad and wrong?

Trying to be practical. Making a list of all the wrong things so I can try to fix them. It's not insurmountable. It'll be okay. It's just such hard work. Why is everything such hard work?

PC specifically. Other aspects of my life are okay right now. Just down in general, but that's not abnormal for me.

Daisy you do belong here with us.

The second question brings to mind this quote I heard somewhere that goes along the lines of nothing worth having comes easy. It's not getting the goal that's important- but who you become in pursuit of that goal. Change is hard. Life is hard at times, but Luc the bad feelings will pass.

Try to take care of you.Could you do something small that might help pick you up, even if it's something silly like having cake for breakfast.

I'll pocket ride, Lost and Lemoncake.

I'm heading out from work to visit a friend who's inpatient. Hope I don't lose my way...

You're NOT a waste of time *hugs*