Dear T : I Need To Tell You Something, but Don't Know How(Part XXVIII)

So if you took part in a "Mister Therapy Universe" contest you would share the first place with Luco's T1, I guess

Because...aaaaarrrrrrghhhhh

HAH!

...I have been informed by a reliable source that he is in fact only "mildly attractive"...

Also he does have a really s**t tattoo.

On his beautiful arm...

I showed T's photo to my friend and she said she wouldn't call him very beautiful.
Hehehe

Well, what do they know...

Beauty comes from the inside!

Hi T,
Your pdoc is actually ok. Not sure if it's good or bad that she'll share everything we talk about with you, but yeah... She's nice... I like her... "That" topic came up though... Is that assumption written on my face or what? Twice in 2 days is kind of hard on me...

It's like when I told my H I was worried he'd be concerned about my seeing T2 because T2 is attractive. And H was like, "I don't think he's attractive." [Me, in my head: Whoops!] Me, to H, "Oh, me neither."

J,
I wish you didn't choose drugs over me.. I wish you would have tried harder.. I wish I wouldn't have given up my own damn life for you to destroy us both...

Totally cracking up at this part of the thread! My therapist is a semi regular guest on this radio program. In the first interview (around the time I started therapy, actually), the host was like “you are so hot! I bet patients throw themselves at you all the time!” (He laughed and said he didn’t think that had ever happened.) But I spit out the coffee I was drinking when I heard that part. There are times he takes off his glasses and gives me the serious therapist face and I think—my god, you are really handsome. But most of the time I try not to think about it

Reliable?

Dear T. I hope you care. Me.

Dear MC,
OK, I feel connected to you again. Thanks for today's session.
Love,
LT

t,

i think i love you. no, I KNOW i love you. thanks for today.

me

Dear Current T —

Sometimes it feels lonelier in session than outside of it.

And, that’s saying something.

I know you mean well, with your questions on whether I’ve been invited anywhere for the holidays (apropos nothing I may add) and your response — just a trifle too quick to let me know exactly how unconvincing you found what I said — when I told you I’d really rather be alone.

It reminds me of the very first session when you probed — a lot more than any other therapist I’d interviewed — on how many friends I have and how close I am to them.

The middle school mundanity of that question (and of course you’ll see this as yet another defense) almost made me not come back.

And, it seems a year later that you haven’t really learnt anything about me if we are having the same conversation?

Or that you thought I’d be cut up about your going to the Bahamas rather than I dunno, Maine? Do you really know so little about me that you think I’d be cut up about a) the place you’re going vs the simple fact of your going or b) that I wouldn’t find the idea of a Caribbean vacation just gawdawfully mind-numbingly boring (although I’ll never ever tell you that)?

You know the absolute worst part of all this? I know you actually mean well and this is you trying hard to help me.

- AY

I miss you very much.

Actually, I am the one who is moving -- in January I will be studying abroad and won't return until May. But, over the summer (I hope) I will have an internship in another state. So the next time I could see her would be August, and it's possible I may not want or need to return to therapy... that's why I say it could be my last time to see her ever. But I could see her again starting in August if I wanted to.

T,
I just found out that my friend -- who you know is the biggest stressor in my life, who caused my downward spiral this semester, even though it's not her fault -- is moving back. This caught me completely off guard, I wasn't expecting her to move back until January. I'm panicking. I can't be her caretaker again. What if she has to go to the hospital again? I feel like I might need to go to the hospital myself!
I wish I could see you sooner than 19 days. You would know what to say, you would know what to do.
Annie

Have you reflected on what happened? What do you think? 4 days is such a long time to wait to ask you.

Hmmmmmmmmm....
I'm lonely ️

I've recently realised I can look at your name in the whatsapp app and see the last time you were online.

Pro: I can check you're still alive any time i want during the week.
Con: I can check you're still alive any time i want during the week.

This is kind of how I feel about this past session with MC.

Good: I feel connected to MC again.
Bad: I feel connected to MC again.

I hope you know that you hold in your hands the power to destroy me. I know you don't, but I wish you did.

Every time you say something like, "you can fire me anytime," I feel an impulse to laugh hysterically until I cried. You just don't get it, do you?

Why do I feel like I'm allowed to take a break but I'm not allowed to leave you? We should explore this I suppose.

Dear T2,
I'm really glad you changed your facial hair from how it was in that picture on your blog. What was going on with that exactly?
Miss you,
--LT

I miss you and I love you and I hate you and I want you...

Surely I can't just never see you again?!! That can't be right???