Conflicting thoughts

Hello all. I'm new to this page and fairly new to therapy. I have tried it in the past, but i never felt comfortable enough to stick with it. Maybe I'd start feeling better, and I'd stop, or I didn't click with the therapist. I'd often find myself talking about nothing of any importance, and I'd just stop going. Why waste my time or theirs? I don't think I've ever stuck with anyone longer than a few sessions.

After a few years of marital issues and finding myself pretty much crying daily and depressed, I got a prescription from my doctor for an antidepressant, and started therapy again. I've been with her for about 6 months and it's the first time I've ever felt connected to a therapist, and felt like i could really talk and open up.

Only now I'm having troubles opening up to her at all. i know I'm experiencing transference. That came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks. I never knew such a thing existed before. Now I wonder if that has influenced my ability to open up. Besides this, I'm feeling better. I don't want to stop therapy, but I also feel guilty because I'm too old to need this (should I have it together by now? I'm in my late 40s), or because my problems aren't big enough/important enough (some people have it worse). Maybe I'm not feeling blue enough, and of course, what started me on this path is not going to go away any time soon. How long can i struggle with a problem and not do anything to change my situation?

I haven't told her this, because for whatever reason, lately I clam up whenever I see her.

Anyways, I guess I'm looking to see if other people have had the same or similar thoughts, and how you handled them.

Bump. One last try.

not sure if this is helpful or anything but i used to shut down often or side step things with humor and felt like i was going nowhere, so i started emailing him prior to session about things i wanna talk about or writing down notes of things and having him or i go over them in session. usually he would read them but lately i am doing it.

anyway, its been very helpful. it makes it easier for me to feel ok opening up and i totally get the attachment thing but for me, i feel way more comfortable with him, as opposed to how it makes you feel so i can't help much there

This is exactly what you need to tell her.

(FYI: I see you are a new member. Your first 5 posts are moderated and take some time to actually show on the forums, so this thread may have just shown -- not sure, I haven't been online much in the last day or so. Just don't want you to think you have been ignored. You are beyond your first 5, so your posts will now show up in real time.)

Welcome. Have you considered writing down your thoughts and handing them to her or reading them aloud? It might help you get past the block of initially bringing up the topic.

Hi! Just saw this post. Wanted to chime in and say I’m in Arizona too (Phoenix.) This therapy thing, it’s hard, and an evolving process. Don’t feel guilty about not having it together. I battle with constantly telling myself my emotions and problems aren’t important. They matter, you matter. I agree this is something to bring up to your therapist too when you’re ready

Sometimes I tell my T ( truthfully) that I feel tongue-tied and nervous, and could he pick the topic. It is such a relief once in a while.

Hi, I am also in my late 40's and have now been in therapy for 2 yrs. Yes, transference was a very interesting thing when it started - and still now, just more accepting of it now. I also went through a period of clamming up when the transference hit. I guess my point is, you are not alone at many of your feelings.

Everything you posted about is valid stuff to talk to your T about.

Good luck on your journey.

I finally got in to see my t and addressed a couple of these without as much detail. She was nonchalant about the transference. “Perfectly normal” she told me. Which I knew but I was glad to talk about it a little bit, and put it all on the table. I feel more at ease.

I'm glad you managed to talk to her about it, and it was normalised which makes you feel at ease.
I think of it like a rollercoaster ride, and just try to ride the highs and lows of it all. Sometimes it's harder than others, I've also struggled with feeling attached the last few months. We have spoke about it abit and that always tends to help, although I just don't like the idea of depending on someone in general.
Also like you I sometimes convince myself I shouldn't even be there and my problems seems small and silly compared to what others go through. I often worry I'm simply just moaning for the sake of moaning or being weak. We have talked about this a little too which also helps to reassure me that I am worthy so to speak.
Hope you keep finding the help :-)

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Only now I'm having troubles opening up to her at all. i know I'm experiencing transference. That came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks. I never knew such a thing existed before. Now I wonder if that has influenced my ability to open up. Besides this, I'm feeling better. I don't want to stop therapy, but I also feel guilty because I'm too old to need this (should I have it together by now? I'm in my late 40s), or because my problems aren't big enough/important enough (some people have it worse). Maybe I'm not feeling blue enough, and of course, what started me on this path is not going to go away any time soon. How long can i struggle with a problem and not do anything to change my situation?

I totally get this. I don't think there's any right or wrong age for "getting it together," and I also know that a lot of people who seem like they've gotten it together are lost/depressed/hurting inside. I'm almost 60 (WOW!) and I don't have it all together. And, your problems ARE big enough/important enough. You feel what you feel about your problems/issues. Other people perhaps couldn't deal with your life or you with theirs. That doesn't make them "worse" than you, just different.

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