Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

He was not kidding!

Eta - btw, it WAS greek yogurt, i forgot to mention that in my excitement

I don't want to hurt my therapist either. He also told me that he would be devastated if I didn't show up one day. I tried to dump him a few weeks ago but he challenged me in ways I wasn't prepared for and I told him next session what I was trying to do and why. But he doesn't have to live with this pain and despair. At what point do you get to put your own suffering first?

I just need to clean this place up and get my affairs in order, otherwise i think my SIL is gonna get really really mad if i leave a mess. Other than that im prolly good to go. T would be ticked. Probably make me pay for the sessions i miss - per annie hall.

it is a good question, and am not sure i have the answer for it. except i think that maybe we have more value to others than we think.

I wish I knew I would hurt someone.
I mean... I know it's hard... The guilt thing. And I don't want to hurt anyone... But now I'm sure that no one cares, and it's very difficult to keep going.

My hopeless mood killed the couch.

My H had a heart attack this morning. He's only 36. I'm scared. I can't live my life without him.

That is scary. Is he doing ok now? Are you doing okay? I'm sorry this happened.

Oh Scarlet, that's so scary! How's he doing? Hugs...

I don't know how he's doing. I came back home to eat and sleep. He's not in pain anymore, but the doctor said he needed to be admitted.

Me? I'm trying to hang in there. I want to SI so badly. I also want my T. I'm scared because I don't know what I'd do without him. I don't think I could survive. I don't even know how to pay our bills! And we're trying to get pregnant... Now that has to be put on hold. But mostly I just don't want to lose him.

Seems like this might be one of those situations where it would be ok to call your T.

Now that he's in the hospital, they can figure out what's going on and prevent it from happening again.

One thing at a time. Worry about paying your bills later. Right now focus on keeping yourself healthy so you can be there for your H.

Thank you. I did leave a message for T. I hope it's nothing too bad. He already has wpw which is the electrical part of the heart...and now he has lack of blood flow. And he doesn't have insurance. I just feel like my world is falling apart.

Sending huge hugs your way.

The hope that tomorrow will be better. That this depressive episode too will pass. Winter can only last for so long, but it is always followed by spring. When I get that ill I try to take it 5 mins at a time, doing small things that soothe and comfort me- like staying in bed wrapped up in blankets.

I texted my T Friday and he sent me a text that shows he's been listening to me. It shows he believes me when I am describing my inner experience and what I think it means. He believes me/believes in me even when I question myself.

Oh Scarlett my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry this is happening. And am sending out healing energies to your h and to you. (((Scarlet)))

So sorry, SP. That sounds so scary. 36 is really young for a heart issue. Does he have Wolff Parkinson White, the young athlete syndrome? I was DX with that in college( I played soccer), and was so lucky to end up with AV nodal entry which is benign bc atrial. WPW is serious, but newly treatable, with an explosion of good care. Do you think he had an electrical event from that? The electrocardiologists have the ablation refined to an amazing degree. I really hope the news is good as it comes to you during the day. Keep us updated.

Yes. He has Wolff Parkinson White. They wanted to do an ablation? But since he has no insurance, we put it off.

They're going to do an angiogram to try to figure out what happened. He told me I can't come visit for another 6 hours

So with Av Nodal Rentry and WPW, the heart has an extra electrical pathway ( atrial in one case and ventricle in the other). At random, the electric impulse that makes the heart beat will travel through the extra pathway, and collide with another , creating "circus motion" tachycardia . This is so uncomfortable. I have to put my head under cold water, and they taught me a special cough to jolt my heart rhythm back to normal. When your husband gets this, he gets ventrical tachycardia while I get atrial, and that is way more dangerous. In ablation, they simply go in through an artery and burn out the extra pathway- problem solved completely. I also didnt do the ablation, but with WPW I would. I hope there is nothing else wrong, and that WPW caused the current problem. The reason I hope this is that they can cure it pretty definitely today or tomorrow.

MC called me in response to a text, was an ***hole to me, and I basically lost my **** on him. It was in part due to a misunderstanding (well, a couple of them), he claimed, but I had made something very clear and don't get how he could have misunderstood. Various other things in there, too. The way he was breathing, it seemed like he was trying to keep control of his emotions throughout the call. And then he capped it off by saying I need to cut back on outside contact. It was all I could do to not tell him to go **** himself. So tomorrow's session should be lovely...

Based on your Dear T post, you should call him back and tell him to go **** himself.

By the way, does H know about any of this yet? Because if it’s going to come up tomorrow...

Thinking of you guys.

for everyone who wants.

I'm sorry, LT. That sucks. (((LT)))

I hadn't told H about it yet, but texted him a bit ago saying he should probably keep any sharp or blunt, heavy objects away from me in session tomorrow. He said for him or MC? I said he had nothing to be worried about...

Maybe I should call his office voicemail and leave that. (or his cell--pretty sure he'd hit the "reject" button on that call..)

Is it bad that I have some satisfaction that I kept him from watching 20 minutes of his football team's game? (Mine isn't playing right now, so no issue for me). Though, if he was watching with his son, who he usually watches with, I feel a little bad. Though...you'd think they'd have a DVR.

He was probably like, "Sorry [son's name], that was the crazy transference-y one." And his son would nod knowingly.

Seriously? Its sunday afternoon, hes probably with his girlfriend, he gets a text that he has to look at because what if its from the kids had an accident, and here its a non-emergency from a mc client. Who has a t.

Maybe dbt is called for here, where the client has a designated someone they call when they are in panic mode? I dont think a regular t or whatever is equipped to deal with this. It seems pretty complicated.

I think an angry phone call back would precipitate the end of the relationship. There needs to be respect on both sides.