Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

Okay, so it's my night to have an awkward social question.

Were you to be enrolled in an online writing workshop, and the instructor emailed you away from the class public critique forum (we each submit two stories) to say he was very impressed with your work and its "dry wit and dark humor" and that it was easily on par with typical work at his MFA program (it's a highly ranked one) and better than the typical work at the one where he teaches, and he'd be happy to write me a letter if I decide to apply to any MFA program, and he hopes I would consider his, how would you respond?

I feel like "Thanks, I'll keep it in mind" is not enough because he's so clearly gone out of his way to write this and be encouraging. So I need to say more.

ATAT — that’s frickin’ awesome!

If you’re really considering it, tell him so with a possible timeline?

If not, tell him why not?

Either way, I’d want to cultivate that professional relationship?

I don't know how I'd respond to him, but I wanted to say that's such a compliment. I've seen, from your writing on here, that you're intelligent and a really good writer, so his words are so deserved. You should pursue whatever options you have.

Well, the thing is...dunno about an MFA. Never quite seen why people go and get them (at least in writing--I get dance and so on). Don't need another degree, etc.

Yes to the cultivation, though.

It is a nice compliment. Instead of more degrees - what about some prestigious writer workshop - maybe he could help with that.

Of course, that reminded me of the epistolary novel - Dear Committee Members which had me rolling on the floor with laughter

That looks like a good read.

The Amazon description reminds me I need to write some references before leaving for Greece.

Comedy is hard. You are funny tho.

I got my car for the price i wanted but why do i feel like crying? I did pick up the plates and my personal effects from the car that died, maybe thats it. I feel like something bad is going to happen like i am cursed with cars the other car diedc because a mechanic did not tighten a radiator hose and inpart cooked the engine and another mechanic forgot to put oil in it. I stuffed the fuel pump in my exs car i am just dangerours with cars. And while i was getting fuel i thought the guy was saying would you like marijuana with that? I know i had a bit too much valium to get through the bargaining

"Thanks for that. I'm not sure I want to do an MFA, but you can write the foreword of my next novel."

I was wondering if i could a 'well done' please as this is the first time i have looked for and negotiated the buying of a used car without my exes input, thought i did ask him to look at it to confirm it was ok but i did all the interpreting of the mechanics reports and negotiated the price. I feel i should be proud of this but as stated above i do feel a feeling of dread. I pick it up on zfriday. I know i sound weak and wet asking for praise but it something i really crave but rarely get irl. Thanks couchies

I cant even think of a word that sounds like marijuana that would be offered to with you petrol purchase

Well done, BCM It's a significant task and difficult to do!

Thanks QM it was a harrowing experience and i took 1 and 1/2 valium just to get through it all. I am sure i was hallucinating about the marijuana at the petrol station due to that.

Well done bcm! That must have been a hard thing to do & I think it’s great that you managed to get through it even though you were worried about it

BCM I'm so glad you got a new car! I agree, very well done negotiating it all on your own. I've read online that it's recommended that females take a male with them when car shopping (guess us poor wittle girlies just can't think for ourselves) so I'm even more excited for your solo mission.

Wow, that's really nice of him to go out of his way to tell you that. Can't really help you with the response though...

Well done, BCM! I know buying a car is really difficult. The first car I bought was a Saturn (back when they were independent, pre GM-purchase), partly because they had that no-haggle pricing deal. Unfortunately, when I bought my second one, that had changed since they were bought by GM. It was a stressful process--had my dad with me. And again when I bought my current VW, this time with H there. I'd be terrified to be haggling alone...

D woke up this morning yelling that she didn't like me and stormed up to the bedroom to wake H, who was still sleeping. She has decided to put up with my existence in exchange for watching an episode of Bubble Guppies. Apparently her love for that...(um, trying to avoid using a certain word here that's also the name of a public figure)...outweighs her dislike of me right now. So...that's something, I guess?

sounds like your D is going through a rough phase for you. Do you know what's causing her to "dislike" you that much atm?

OK, printed out the following to hand T at start of session, because I'm not sure I can say it out loud--or at least this clearly (I see him at 2 EST).

" This is what I need from you today:
Part of me is blaming myself for everything that's gone wrong/changed with [Dr. MC]. I need you to help me quiet that part down, so I can listen to the part that's saying this isn't all my fault, how [Dr. MC] has played a role in this with his fuzzy, shifting boundaries. I know you've tried not to judge him, and I'm not asking you to do that. But I really need your support, of me, right now to help me get through this.

So, can we focus more on my side of things, on my reactions and feelings? (Instead of, like Monday, how [Dr. MC] might be feeling in response to things I said/did. I understand what you were trying to do there, it just wasn't the right time for it because I was hurting too much, and it made me feel like what happened was all my fault.)"

I honestly don't know. I mean, I've been down the few days due to stuff with MC, maybe she can sense that? She did go through a long period earlier this year where she seemed to hate H and only wanted to be around me, so maybe this is just the natural cycle? She's 6, though on the autism spectrum (high-functioning, and quite communicative lately!)

I know my brother did this a lot - hating either my mom or my dad and refusing to be around them. So yeah, could very well just be natural cycle.

It sounds hard to endure eitherway.

Wow LT...this sounds almost exactly like what you keep telling your MC to say about your husband.

Huh, that's a really interesting observation...wonder what that's all about? Obviously something...Maybe just the feeling that people (MC, T) are, whether consciously or subconsciously, putting all the blame on me for things going wrong? When I realize now it's NOT just me?

It's like echoes of my parents, particularly my mom, who tended to make me think things were my fault because I screwed up (including mental illness stuff). Messages in my head like, if I didn't call friend back right away, could mess up friendship. Or if I didn't accept an invitation or canceled for whatever reason (even due to illness/migraine), people might stop inviting me to things. Never mind the other side, of if someone is my friend, they should be understanding and accepting that I won't be perfect all the time... But no, I had to be perfect friend, perfect daughter/relative, perfect student, no messing up...If I did bad on a test, was my failing, not that maybe the test was too hard or teacher/professor did bad job of teaching material...

Well, I think I have yet another topic for therapy today (and probably future, too). There's also my wanting validation, which I tended not to get from my parents. And i felt like I wasn't getting that from T on Monday--or hadn't been getting it from MC--and my first rupture with ex-T was when she said "I know you want me to validate you right now, but I'm not going to." Just like my mom.

Hm...Also, MC not being good at taking criticism, like my mom. I think maybe in some way, my handing T this note is to see how he can handle...not so much criticism, but my telling him my needs and seeing if he can meet them. Can he be there for me in the way I need it right now?

At some point, I think part of living a calmer, more satisfied life—happy would be great, but that's hard to uphold consistently—is taking what we can change for ourselves and letting other people take responsibility (or not) for their own failings. Otherwise, it's like running around telling other people to take antibiotics to make my flu go away.