Couch 158: The Newberry Couch!

If nothing else - make sure they understand that not all clients adore them or respect their profession or even think they are barely competent as human beings. I think it is important for those people to realize that some see through their propaganda.

I never liked fruity pebbles as a cereal - we did not get it as a kid and when I tried it at other people's houses I was not impressed. I cannot see it being improved by cookie format.

Wait, are you talking about outside contact with MC or with T? I have very little outside contact with T, since he charges for exchanges beyond a certain length. And it's the same rate as seeing him in session, and since he can generally fit in extra sessions (or half sessions), I've opted to go with that the couple times I've needed more support. OK, the one time I did text him because I was upset about a fight with H, then finding out right after my uncle had died, but then he gave me a kind respond and said he was working that Sunday (the next day), so if I wanted to talk I could come in. Honestly, I think this is a better model... Probably wouldn't work for MC because he's so booked all the time, but T keeps his schedule more open (he's told me that).

If you're talking about with MC...I'm just upset that he's doing the "you need to limit contact...but I'm not going to tell you how much is OK, you just have to guess! But I'm not taking it away, you can still text or e-mail me." Which is just more confusing. Sure, the ideal would be to just stop outside contact, but it can be hard to get out of that habit... Which is why it's good I haven't started it with T...

I think if I could set up certain parameters with MC--like, I'll send an e-mail, but no followups, and he can respond or not. Or, if there's something really bothering me, I could request a phone call at some point (less chance of misunderstandings than e-mail/text), but make one request, then drop it. Or just bring stuff up in session (even type it up and hand it to him, if he'd accept that--showing H, too--if he wants to keep things in session, then fine, he just needs to be open to spending a few minutes talking about my stuff--which he generally is--but he can be inconsistent on that, too, saying sometimes that we can talk about anything we want, so long as H is OK with it, then other times trying to restrict things more. Which is super confusing. I mean, it's our time...we're paying. There's no marriage counseling police recording our sessions (at least, I don't think there is! )

The problem is, right now, it feels like he's almost punishing me, like I'm a little kid who broke the rules, except it was never clear what the rules were. I climbed on the table, but didn't know it wasn't OK to climb on the table. So it feels like it's all my fault...but is it? If he was clear about the rules, then I broke them, it's different. But I'd checked in repeatedly before about whether my outside contact was OK, and he'd always said yes, that he'd tell me if it was an issue. Then last week...suddenly, it was an issue and "bothered" him. (He literally said it didn't bother him until last week...)

I liked the flavor, but not how it stuck in your teeth. Aagh, I'm getting some sort of heebie jeebies thinking about it just now...

DBC called 3 “toxic” and CW called her “insidiously unethical.” I bristled both times—my view is I get to be the one to criticize 3 in session, and I don’t need validation about the fact that the mistakes she made were in fact, mistakes.

I don’t particularly want Info’s opinion on 3. I don’t think there’s any doubt 3 has issues. I just want to vent as much as I like and Info to sit there and be stable (or as stable as she is capable of).

ETA: I suppose if I ever wanted Info’s opinion on 3, I could tell her how 3’s story about her interactions with DBC is completely opposite DBC’s story, and ask her which one she believes...because I now believe DBC more than 3.

I think I would like Fruity Pebbles as a cookie.

Not saying I agree BUT- I think this a rather normal t move. One time I was worried I was using too much outside contact and he was asking for some reassurance about amount and he said he wouldn't put a limit because he didn't want me to not contact him when I really needed too, but didn't because I was one text over the limit or something. Also, I think t's decision about cutting back is more about asking you to self-regulate and really think about whether you need that contact, or if you can really sit with though very uncomfortable feelings.. not fun, but maybe can be done in more cases than you are doing. Just a thought.. it's not a fun spot to be in, and hope you can get it all figured out. ((Hugs)

*hugs* *hugs* <3

Info was dressed like a Christmas elf in velour. So, imagine an orange-haired orange-faced green-velour-tunicked red-velour-legginged elf aged 65+ with Christmas tree socks and snowflake bracelets.

Also she gave me a Christmas present.

ETA: thank goodness, it’s only hand lotion.

Watching the 1934 version of Anne Of Green Gables. Much prefer the 1985 version with Megan Follows as Anne and Colleen Dewhurst as Marilla.

That outfit is just...wow. I'm trying to imagine how I'd react if I showed up tomorrow to find T dressed as an elf. I really don't think I could proceed with session after that. Was session helpful at least?

Sounds like shes been imbibing the hand sanitizer!!

At least she didn’t have an elf hat on. (I don’t think she was thinking “elf” specifically.)

I got to vent about 3, which was useful. Not so helpful was her suggestion of DBT, which I already explained to her is a no-go zone.

SD is right, as soon as they open their mouths they’re useless.

We had chicken soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, and we are currently decorating our tree and I can't wait to reminisce in years to come. My oldest told my youngest she was going to show her how an ornament smelled when she stuffed it up her nose. My youngest sweet baby daughter then said she would rip sissy's leg off and beat her with it.

We are going to enjoy this holiday no matter who I have to yell at!!!

Eggnog anyone?

Just checked and I got 30/30 on my unit 4 discussion posts and 30/30 on my unit 4 paper! That means I got a solid A in the class! Yay!

What am I gonna do with myself until 2nd semester starts haha

Wow. I'm not sure I could do therapy with that mental image sitting across from me. Kudos to you.

I could NOT watch charlie sheens dad in richard farnsworths role.

Thanks to the couch, I have now pictured my T in a leopard onesie and an elf costume. So...yeah.

I try to set a good example for you all by never looking at the woman unless angry at her, not noticing her clothing, and in general just not being a very visual person.

that's the one time I CAN'T look at my t.... when i'm angry at her....

Which reminds me, I stopped for dinner after Info and before swimming, and there was a little girl in the restaurant in an adorable purple owl onesie. Much better than mine. I was SO jealous.

Too funny! (because Lol is not 8 characters...)

Yeah, I had great difficulty looking at MC yesterday. I kept staring at the floor or at my bracelet that I'd taken off and was playing with. I think part of it was "I'm angry, I don't want to look at you!" And part was that he's really good at certain T moves with eye contact, hugging from across the room, and stuff like that, and I didn't want to get sucked in and forgive him due to T magic tricks....Thankfully, he didn't try certain things (I think he knew better) and also didn't keep trying to make jokes, as he's done some other times when I've been upset. Like, no, sorry, your stupid jokes aren't going to pull me out of this right now, try harder.

Yep, definitely still angry at him...

Current T ended up asking "Will you even look at me?" during one of my no-eye-contact rage-filled sessions.

It just made me more rageful.

I wish I could look at mine. I imagine there might be some healing there. But I feel so much shame I just can't.