How far should a t go to help a client?

I said to my t that he'd stand on his head and do cartwheels if he thought it would help me.

T said yes, he would
He actually meant it too.

I am all for healthy boundaries but I think in anything there are grey areas. Each T will be somewhat different but I do wonder about more un orthodox methods.

What do you guys think?

I think the therapeutic boundaries need to be in place. For many, many reasons. Primarily for the protection of the client, but also for the protection of the therapist. Can you be more specific about what kinds of boundaries you are thinking about?

Take self disclosure. In some cases being a lot more open may actually help the client. But in some cases it could be a disaster. Thats where real wisdom and discernment need to be used.

My T doesnt even second guess his boundaries, so neither do I. I would never consider, say ,calling him over the weekend. I think he would be like listen you either need to be an in patient in a hospital or you need to deal, bc this is my private life time. He is not that guy. He gives an amazing session. He has never answered his phone, looked out the window, or been less than attentive. He never makes schedule mistakes, never runs late- he is bright, insightful, and caring- for fifty minutes. He will read an email, and maybe say something about it briefly or maybe not. I a not sure how I feel about it. It seems disrespectful in a way bc I give so much of my free time to my job, and amp expected too. Even my dogs' vet does more checking in and caring lol . It is intense attention in session and intense boundaries the rest of the time.

I have not found therapists to be all that helpful. The most helpful thing the therapist did was sit there and not talk or use her as a place to write to but not write back. The woman was completely useless when she spoke or wrote back. I cannot think of anything the woman could do that would be all that useful. Not doing was the closest she could come to being of some use to me.

I am not sure how far they SHOULD go..... but I do think "rules" of therapy are ridiculous in many instances....

I wont discuss my T personally here but he does go into very grey area often....

I don't want my therapist to go any further than the one hour we have together. I appreciate the boundaries and they make me feel safe

For example, I would be extremely uncomfortable with a persistent wandering into a grey area. I find it threatening and unsettling.

Part of this is me thinking if I was a therapist, what would I do to help a client who really needed it. I think I would end up an un orthodox therapist. I am not saying I would break boundaries that would harm a patient. I am saying I would go the extra mile and do whatever I felt would help the patient.

One time my t dropped off a letter personally in my mailbox. I am always writing him letters and we had a painful session. Now I dont see this as breaking the boundaries in any way shape or form. My last t would home visit me etc. But a lot of ts would not do this or even think to do it. Sometimes I think a therapist needs to think outside of the box if their client is really hurting. To go the extra mile while still keeping boundaries.

He could have just waited til the next session but he decided to do what would help me. And it did.

I would say my own issues are extreme and am talking from that point of reference. Obviously if therapy done the usual way works for you then that is awesome. But in some cases people may need more which may stretch boundaries but not break them.

This all depends on what is most helpful for the client and what the therapist is comfortable with of course. Its not about creating unhealthy dependence but on doing whatever is in the best interest of the client.

I don't think this is a case of the most "extreme" issues needing the greyest areas. Sometimes people who have been hurt need ultimate safety - for me, that involves knowing that my therapist will act in a predictable and controlled way. So, yes, I agree that it is ultimately about the best interests of the client.

I don't have any reason to believe a therapist would ever know what was in my best interest. I certainly would not let them make that decision.

totally get it and i love it though, it works for me....

however i know a lot of things would be met with a "get a new T" etc response so i just prefer to keep the details out of the forum. totally get your view though, its not for everyone.

My T did something for me once that I had asked him to do.I could tell he was a bit freaked out and even embarrassed about it.When I thanked him for it he said "anything to help you heal".And I knew he meant it.

I do think sometimes T's can really help a client by going above and beyond,and as long as it's not anything that's crossing boundaries or harmful,it's a good thing.

Absolutely, me neither. I don't assume anyone knows my best interest; I barely have a grip on it myself. She doesn't decide what I want, I do.

What makes one person feel safe may make another person feel unsafe.

It is awesome that your t is attuned to you and is meeting your own needs for safety in a way that makes you feel safe.

This is exactly my point.

I called my therapist the evening my dog died; he was comforting and told me he was pleased I called him. When I told one of my would-be therapists this she looked appalled and said: "He's lucky you aren't borderline."

Actually I called him weekends too when I was ultra manic. He handled that well and never chastised me. I tried not to bug him too much when I was better. I don't know where I would have been if he were less flexible.

I really don't expect my T to go above and beyond. If ahe did that with every client, ahe coukdnt have a life of her own.
So, I know she gives a little more in sessions than I dared to dream, for example, staying longer or chatting about other stuff after the session. I love that, and I deeply appreciate it. However, I do not contact her outside our sessions. I just don't even dare to ask that much of anyone. I think just because they chise thwir job, it doesn't mean they ahould be there for us clients any time we want it. I myself keep job and privacy separated clearly, and I think my T can do the same even tho I'm totally attached and would spend a whole week with her.

Very sorry about your dog, I lost mine in October and my T was amazing too, actually he is still very kind during my grief period. We got lucky I guess

Wow. I hope you didn't continue to see her.

I think it depends where they draw the initial boundary line. If a T has really loose boundaries, there won't be a very big margin between their boundaries and inappropriate behavior - so there really won't be much grey area.

That's not to say that I myself love boundaries or find that they make me feel safe, as others have mentioned. I personally find rigid boundaries a bit unsettling. They make me feel like I must be some sort of monster that T needs to be protected from me. I feel ashamed that there's an assumption that without rigid boundaries, I would invade my T's life and become confused about the relationship. Rigid boundaries make me feel dirty and tainted. So I guess what I'm saying is that I am all for "grey areas" or adjusting boundaries as necessary.

My therapist started out with really strict boundaries. For months I had neither his cell phone number nor his email address. And for months after I got his number and email, I did not contact him for any reason besides scheduling. (He had trained me so well during the first few months that I was unable to contact him for any other reason even when he said I could right before he went out of town for six weeks.)

Over the past few weeks, we've had a little bit of between-session contact. I don't think it takes him more than a few minutes (less than five) a week. But this minor amount of between-session contact has made me feel more grounded and less obsessive, which actually makes a big difference for me. I feel less crazy on a daily basis. So, yeah, a little bit of flexibility can go a long way sometimes.

Last year I had a therapist that had very unclear and constantly changing boundaries and it really messed me up, so for me, the most important thing is consistency with boundaries and knowing what to expect from the T. If she isn’t going to go the extra mile, all I ask is to know that in advance.

My current T goes above and beyond for me at times when I really need it, for instance staying an extra half hour or so with me if I’m really in crisis mode just to help talk me down to get to a safe place, rather than just ending our session with me not feeling well like used to happen with old T all of the time. I think, personally, though that should be a baseline requirement to make sure the client is okay before leaving. And okay doesn’t mean to me just not an immediate danger to themselves, but okay as in they aren’t dysregulated/leaving feeling lost and way worse than when they came in. That happened to me constantly with former T, so I’m very grateful that current T spends the extra time with me when she can and I’m truly in need of it. At the same time though, she finds the balance where she’s very clear with her boundaries.

This is something I've thought about throughout the past few months when I was almost hospitalized a few times. I think if I were in the hospital (for MH reasons, not just a physical injury), it would be really nice and helpful to me for my therapist to visit if she could, or even just call me.
Also at my clinic they offer "crisis" appointments but it's really if you are in CRISIS (ie about to self harm or commit suicide) and they place you with whoever is available, not your own therapist. But my therapist once called me personally (usually the clinic calls) and offered to come in an hour early to give me a session the very next day, because she had heard about a traumatic experience I went through. I appreciated her going out of her way to do that for me.
Both of those things I believe are within ethical therapist-client boundaries.