[Milkyway]

I've written several posts & then not posted them cause I thought i'm just hurting myself even more... I'll try to post this one... it's so painful to talk about this but keeping it to myself is not helping either...I miss T sooo much....& I'm not sure, i don't know if she knows what I'm feeling for her...these stupid feelings that make me feel as if I was a child missing her mom & I don't even know if she knows that cause I always try to behave as in an adult to adult relationship with her.....while this part of me (or 95% of me to be honest) would like us to be in a parent/child relationship!!!! So I really wonder if she "guesses" that my feelings are not this adult kind.....so if you could tell me how do you know that they know your feelings? -I guess this is a stupid question as most of you must have told their feelings to their therapist so you must not have wondered this...but I'm totally UNABLE TO TELL HER the truth, that inside i'm like that ...... but at the same time, i'd love her to know...
It hurts soo much, I think about her everyday and all the time.. How can I stop that? This is crazy... I feel like if I told her what I'm dying to tell her : like "omg i love u so much & would like you to really be a part of my life" she would think or say : "omg what kind of weird person r u ? I thought you were normal ....wake up, you're an adult!" I know she's supposed to know about transference stuff but I can't help thinking that she mustn't realize it's happening with me.... or maybe she's got adult patients who never express this kind of feelings to her so it would be very strange that suddenly I show all this inapropriate love that I have inside.... I 'm afraid she would reject me or become distant w/ me, and that would be worse....
Anyway, thanks for reading

to you all
I reading you all

[Perna]

I took a classic love poem and wrote a "copy" (same beat, line length, number of lines, etc.) and put the two side by side and gave it to my T.

If you have an "art" you practive or enjoy like writing poetry or listening to music, drawing, etc. then figure out a way to "show" your T a bit of how you feel? It's a little less embarrassing than flat out telling them :-)

[sunrise]

Milkyway, I share some of my dreams about my T with him. This is an easier way for me to share how I feel about him. Somehow it seems like I am less "responsible" for the feelings if they are in a dream, but of course that's not true. But the feelings are easier for me to express if they are in a dream, and sharing them can lead to good conversations with T, and about how my conscious mind feels too. The dreams are like a conversation piece.

You will feel better if you can share the depth of your feeling with your T. Take care and good luck.

[Milkyway]

Thanks Perna, this is a great idea!!! This is exactly what I need... as I'll never be able to tell her.....

[bipolar_bear]

I journal and give them to her every week. I do better saying things like that in writing than in words. Maybe that will be easier for you.

BB

[jacq10]

((((((milkyway)))))))
GAH! I soooo relate to your post. My T and I were really close and I can't tell you how many times i wished (and still do wish) that she was an active part in my life - esp like a mother figure.
IMO, I'd try telling her how you feel. Maybe not being like "I love you" etc etc, but try explaining how much she has helped you, and acted like a supporting figure in your life. I'm sure she wouldn't be scared or think you are a freak or anything. If you feel this way towards her, then there probably is a good connection between the two of you, and those things work both ways my friend.
Best of luck, and try not to feel bad about how you are feeling ... its completely normal.
Jacq

[Milkyway]

Thanks a lot Perna, Sunrise, BB & Jacq10, your suggestions are very helpful!
Sun, sharing dreams is the dream idea^^ She doesn't often come in my dreams unfortunately but last time we were just walking together in town & we laughed & the most striking part of it of course was the great feeling i had of being just sooo happy & feeling sooo good....but I didnt tell her this one as it would be too explicit : we were only walking in the streets but it felt like the most uplifting & fantastic walk i've ever had...
but i think I'll try anyway to tell her through a dream..
I just got an idea : i'm gonna mix sunrise & BB ideas : I will write about the dream in an email, it'll be easier i think.... at the same time I'm feeling so anxious that she finds out -if she doesn't know already....it really feels like she's gonna think "OMG you've got FEELINGS for me??!!!!!" & have the shock of her life... maybe some T don't know at all that some clients can have such feelings, what if she was one of them?? the only T that doesn't know about transference..maybe it's her, & I'll have to explain to her all about it... No, that can't be possible...

Jacq10,
"there probably is a good connection between the two of you" --->definitely & it feels so good

"and those things work both ways my friend" ---> thank u so much, these words were really soothing....this is what I 'd love...her to feel the same as I do or, not as much but I hope she does feel good too when we're together...

Thanks all of you, it's good to feel understood especially when I can hardly understand myself..

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
it really feels like she's gonna think "OMG you've got FEELINGS for me??!!!!!"

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It's a foregone conclusion that if you and your T make a possitive connection, you're going to Love that T. They know it. It's all a part of therapy.

Thing is, they're not allowed to have a personal relationship with their patients outside of their office.

[ECHOES]

The love you feel for her is not at all inappropriate. It's perfectly okay to have loving feelings. It's perfectly okay to tell her that you have loving feelings for her and to tell her that you have a wish for her to be a part of your life. You know already that your wish can't be a reality, not because your feelings are inappropriate or wrong in any way, but because the therapeutic relationship must remain therapeutic for it to be truly helpful. But having the wish is important to you and so it's important for her to know.

I love my T and daydream about her all the time. She knows I have a wish for her to 'mother' me. It's okay and I'd venture a guess that I'm not the first or last who will feel that way about her. I think that since she knows, she is available to me in ways that are meaningful to me in a therapeutic way, without crossing any boundaries. She knows just how to do that.

I think if you decide to share with her about these very deep and meaningful feelings you have, it would be so special to her to hear you say it in your own voice and with words that are your own. Express from your heart and share with her the wonderful loving feelings you hold for her.