Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

My interpretation - its what i would be fanning about instead of the Rifleman or Rawhide, if the #metoo movement had started earlier. It would all be girly westerns.

May i point out that youre saying this right after posting that he reprimanded you? For some people, these are connected. It may be problematic when DV is involved.

In one of my dreams last night, I was carrying a bunch of stuff around a school. Was supposed to meet a friend to go somewhere, but kept forgetting my purse so had to go through this long path through a library to the top floor of the school to find it. While there, someone asked me to take 3 mops to the soccer team to help them practice (???) So I was carrying around my backpack and 3 mops (the kind with a bunch of white ropes), then still had to go back for my purse. Then at another point, I was trying to carry the mops, an umbrella, two coats, and a backpack, and someone was trying to give me empty cans of beer. I kept trying to contact my friend to tell her I'd be late, but my phone wouldn't get a signal. I finally got downstairs with the mops, but the soccer team wasn't even there!

I seem to have both a recurring theme of losing my purse (T said that's a very common theme for women) and of having to carry a bunch of random stuff around (another recent dream involved all this luggage and some vegetables and candy...)--haven't talked about that aspect with him yet. Maybe just very clearly my "baggage," like from the past. Or that I'm having trouble handling everything in my life right now...

Still wondering about the 3 mop thing...

(((Lt))) i just woke up, asking myself wth did i have for dinner last night, i had such weird dreams?! Mine had 6 kittens, a comedy club, a hotel, a self driving car, and masses of people trudging along in the snow, along with masses of cars and huge trucks - i think i kicked the covers off my feet so i was cold.

I don't know what to think of this.

The reprimand happened at the very beginning of session. He said the email I sent was unacceptable in a very harsh voice, not yelling, but louder than he usually talks. I had already sent another email saying I was sorry, so I just sat there for a minute and finally said ok after turning 14 shades of red. I probably should have apologized again in person, but I didn't. Throughout the rest of the session, his voice returned to caring-therapist mode, so I assume that all has been said that's going to be said about it. I did send a follow-up email apologizing again after session.

I'd like to think that my brain isn't wired up so wrong that I immediately love someone who's angry at me. I've felt love-type feelings towards him before this incident. But I guess it's food for thought.

Im sorry, my t says that my mother associated pain with love, so i might be over-sensitive to it? Also, i REALLY DID NOT LIKE my two ex-h's, so if i am pointing a finger at you, there are three more fingers pointing back at me. I obsessed about my ex-h's LONG after they were gone, and about my mother.

For the past ten years, my t has been saying stuff to me like, "didnt that make you feel good?!", like about getting a chore done, or seeing a friend, or seeing a movie. And i just LOOK at him, im like, you idiot, feeling good is DANGEROUS! Feeling BAD is safe!

So i think, yelling at me, scaring me from doing stuff, made my parents feel safe, and therefore made me feel safe and loved?? That hasnt worked for my life for a long time, maybe it worked for them. It explains stuff tho, doesnt it.

Unluna, that would make sense if NP's therapist were regularly harsh with her. Unless I've got it wrong, this was the only time she felt that kind of response from him, that it's not a pattern.

3 mops? MC, T1, T2...

I've never dreamed about losing my purse, or anything else like that. I sometimes dream about not being able to find people, but that's it. My dreams are mostly about falling and violence.

Also three mops:

LT, H, D

LT, Mom, Dad

Yeah, that interpretation occurred to me after I posted this....

Hm, also interesting...or, since I was carrying them: H, D, MC? or H, MC, T? Or, for that matter, H, Mom, Dad?

99% of the dreams I remember are all violent, murderous types.

This isn't the only time he's spoken harshly or been angry at me, but it's not a pattern either.

Who are the two coats then?

Had a terrible session, and the only things that's cheered me up is this dog photo! Always helps.

I always got the feeling NP was more complaining and disappointed her t wasnt there for her. He didnt come to court, for example. Then all of a sudden he yells at her for her actions, and she posts she feels love. Im saying its her pattern for love, not her ts. With the reprimand, her t is finally acting like her h. At least in the transference.

Eta - do you realize how many points that bolded statement is worth? I dont give those lightly, ya know!

Yeah, I was really hurt that he wouldn't come to court. And I probably do come on here and vent more than I tell the positive things. Although sessions are often quite difficult because of the content, I feel very positively towards my therapist. He's nothing like my husband.

Maybe I'm just broken now. My husband was my only adult relationship; the others were in high school and I don't recall them being abusive. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm unlovable and won't ever have another relationship.

Good question! Maybe the mops are T's and the coats are my parents? Or mops are T's and coats are my H and D... T's to mop up the mess and family to keep me warm?

Ts must expect to be attacked, take it calmly and not retaliate.

Was I wrong to post this?

He didn't retaliate. He just told me it was unacceptable to him and we moved on.

Oh, that face! Adorable!

Coats can also represent covering up.... feelings, emotions whatever....

NP, you are loveable. And you're early in the process of putting pieces back together.

Whether or not that leads to a future relationship is a whole different bridge to cross when it's time for that. (At least that's what I keep telling myself.)

Dr phil seyz, you cant fix what you dont acknowledge. Early on with my current t, i was actually TELLING him he could yell at me. He just LOOKED at me, and was like, "i dont yell at people, mainly because it doesnt work." Hes a big unconditional positive regard guy. All talk but no action though! Remember, hes the one who SAID he wanted to get me a birthday present, and that is somehow supposed to do the job of a birthday present from 60 years ago. You just have to accept its all magic! and do you really want to start doing some old guys laundry?? It was okay when they were like 20, and you grew old with them, but to just start up a romance with some old smelly guy? Maybe this needs its own thread...