So T keeps encouraging me to sit with some of my uncomfortable feelings but she has neglected to really explain how to do this. I am more of the "bury them until you're numb" kind of person. Recently I have been feeling threatened and over exposed. I know it's not real and based on some irrational fears but I can't seem to get that urge to run to lighten up. Any help would be greatly appreciated.....

[DP_2017]

It sucks when they want you to do that, I think its better to get them out right away.

For me I find journalling helpful. Doing distracting things too... and sometimes I email my T and tell them they don't need to reply but I just needed to get some stuff out to discuss next time

[Skeezyks]

If you really want to learn about sitting with feelings, read the books of the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. This is a key element of the ancient Tibetan Buddhist practices called: "Lojong" (mind training) she teaches. Two of her books I would recommend in particular are: Start Where You Are- A Guide to Compassionate Living and Comfortable with Uncertainty 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion.

But do keep in mind though, if you just read them & put them aside, they will just be one or two more books you happen to have read. You have to read & re-read them over-&-over (and also follow the practices.) Over time, the tremendous wisdom contained in those books will gradually work it's way into the deepest recesses of your mind & it will begin to become second nature. I wish you well...

Is it possible that your therapist is intending to mean that you should meet your feelings head on instead of running from them?

Perhaps what they mean by 'sitting' with them is that you meditate upon them.

[toomanycats]

For me, it consisted of, when those feelings came up, literally sitting down and acknowledging what I was feeling. (It was intense grief for me at the time.) I would cry and cry, but not try to make the feeling bigger OR smaller. Just reminding myself that it would pass, everything would be ok, it's going to be ok. I encouraged myself not to panic and try to do anything about the feeling (no scrambling to reach out to my T immediately, which was my instinct by that point; no trying to stop it via SI; no trying to plan in my head some way to 'fix it.') I had to let go of the idea of fixing it and just feel it.

Then, I would guide myself through comforting things...lots of gentle speaking to myself. Coaxing my own self through "get something to eat, take a bath, let's put on a funny show, it's going to be ok."

[stopdog]

I think, although I could be wrong, that the idea is that the feeling does not get acted upon. So if one wants to run, one recognizes that but does not do it. And a theory is that in time it will get easier (not always quickly).

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by besidemyselvez

So T keeps encouraging me to sit with some of my uncomfortable feelings but she has neglected to really explain how to do this. I am more of the "bury them until you're numb" kind of person. Recently I have been feeling threatened and over exposed. I know it's not real and based on some irrational fears but I can't seem to get that urge to run to lighten up. Any help would be greatly appreciated.....

I’ve been trying old the same thing. Frankly, I’m not sure myself. I’m not sure if this is just something Ts say and they might not even be sure what that means.

Before I had a T and now that I don’t have one I feel. If I bury it I still feel it’s not like I forget. Would that be considered sitting with your feelings?

Tommy knowledge I’ve sat with my feelings for years so now what do you do with your feelings??? Seems like something to say when they dont have an answer. That’s what I got out of my T. That’s answer has never helped me.

[Favorite Jeans]

It's one of those things that sounds like annoying jargon until you can do it. For me it has also involved literally sitting down and just acknowledging to myself whatever it is that I am feeling. I have to draw on all those things I rolled my eyes at so hard and so long when I started therapy.

"How is my body feeling?"

"Where in my body am I feeling [whatever intense feeling]?"

"Am I breathing? How 'bout I breathe a coupla times and see how that feels?"

"How 'bout dropping my shoulders and unclenching my jaw and stuff?"

Just be there. With your feeling. Noticing that the feeling is there, noticing what that's like in your body, noticing whether it changes your breathing or your hearbeat and then deliberately loosening your body and taking full, slow breaths.

Look at that. You're still alive. The unpleasant feeling is happening and you've been with it for a few minutes now. It's a feeling. It is telling you something. Don't shoot the messenger, invite her in for tea.

I have found it enormously helpful to keep checking in with my T about my progress with this skill. She'll often ask what happened to me or what I did during or immediately following a difficult time. It's not a test ("mwahahaha you went and ate donuts instead being mindful? you fail!") just a long process of noticing what I can do to be gentler with myself and stay present for my feelings. That way, I'm less often stuck in a fog of vague unhappiness and anxiety of feelings left unattended.

Thank you all for the help!!

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

It's one of those things that sounds like annoying jargon until you can do it. For me it has also involved literally sitting down and just acknowledging to myself whatever it is that I am feeling. I have to draw on all those things I rolled my eyes at so hard and so long when I started therapy.

"How is my body feeling?"

"Where in my body am I feeling [whatever intense feeling]?"

"Am I breathing? How 'bout I breathe a coupla times and see how that feels?"

"How 'bout dropping my shoulders and unclenching my jaw and stuff?"

Just be there. With your feeling. Noticing that the feeling is there, noticing what that's like in your body, noticing whether it changes your breathing or your hearbeat and then deliberately loosening your body and taking full, slow breaths.

Look at that. You're still alive. The unpleasant feeling is happening and you've been with it for a few minutes now. It's a feeling. It is telling you something. Don't shoot the messenger, invite her in for tea.

I have found it enormously helpful to keep checking in with my T about my progress with this skill. She'll often ask what happened to me or what I did during or immediately following a difficult time. It's not a test ("mwahahaha you went and ate donuts instead being mindful? you fail!") just a long process of noticing what I can do to be gentler with myself and stay present for my feelings. That way, I'm less often stuck in a fog of vague unhappiness and anxiety of feelings left unattended.

^This helped SO MUCH. Thank you!

I am starting to feel calmer (finally). I took some time this afternoon and tried to work out exactly what I was feeling and why, I made some notes to discuss with her on Saturday and I think I'll be ok. In the past I have self destructed when these feelings came up so I would like to avoid that if at all possible.....

[Anastasia~]

I have gotten to the place where I can sit with my feelings and not show I am uncomfortable. I don't even think my T knows. I do it so often that it has become automatic. So, accept that you are feeling whatever it is you are feeling. Accept your predicament. And know that it always gets better. I also like distracting myself by looking at interesting/funny youtube videos or going for a walk. I wish I had a better answer for you, but it gets a lot easier. Take care.