[lauren_helene]

Feeling desperate because T seems to be disgusted with me (my perception of last session) I called once and didn't hear back so the fool that I am, I called again yesterday.

His assistant is very sweet and I know he does the best he can so I am not upset with him. When he told me T hasn't had a chance to call me, I said 'tough love again'...and he said 'is this a life threatening situation'...again he was very sweet about it.

I told him that no it wasn't but that I feel that T is disgusted with me and giving up on me...he said 'okay I'll have him call you'.

Well, there has been no call. It isn't going to come either. This has never happened before and it is devastating me.

I am trying to think and believe that this is just the therapy process and nothing personal. I am trying to think he still cares but there is a pull in me that says he is trying to get rid of me and he knows if he pushes the right buttons, I'll fly.

I think I've said before on here T doesn't label me but we've talked a lot about borderline, histrionic and dependent traits...of course I've read a ton about BPD and T has mentioned many of the symptoms to me. He said he doesn't believe in labels and I was okay with that.

Why do I now feel like the label is being applied? Asking me if my call is a life threatening situation...after almost two years of therapy? First time ever...

I will ask T on Tuesday if he doesn't cancel that appt. first...

[Perna]

An assistant is going to have to ask if it's life threatening as the assistant doesn't know you. Your T may really have not had time to call you and since you answered that "no" it was not life threatening, I bet you get a call before Tuesday. The assistant can only report the "facts" on a little scrap of paper for "calls" and your T isn't going to read anymore into it. T's got a piece of pink paper with a checkmark on "call back"/not urgent and maybe a couple words else?

[lauren_helene]

Perna I hope for my sake you are right that he will call. I just don't think so though. I pray that you are right, I really do.

I'm trying to do the hard work, I just hope he hasn't given up on me. I just need to hear him say that.

Actually, his assistant does know me very well. We've been joking around for almost two years...

There is so much of me in this post... I just want to answer it fully and honestly and hope that it may help you. Please understand that this is not in anyway at attempt to undermine what you went through in this session. I read your post and frankly, I was a little turned off by some of the things your T said-- i.e. comparing you to his sister. I do recognize a lot of psychological patterns within your posts and I wanted to point a couple of things out to you, in hopes that it will help you think about something in a way you never thought ot if before.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
Feeling desperate because T seems to be disgusted with me (my perception of last session) I called once and didn't hear back so the fool that I am, I called again yesterday.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Just remember, there are so, so, so many reasons as to why he hasn't called back. What if he is at a conference? Running an all day group? At a training?

A T should never be disgusted with a client. Ever. It is okay to not agree with what the client does and to wish the client did different, but ultimately, a T should be able to accept whatever it is as part of the person. Last week I accused T of being disgusted with me in regards to my cutting. The real issue? I was disgusted with myself.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
think I've said before on here T doesn't label me but we've talked a lot about borderline, histrionic and dependent traits...of course I've read a ton about BPD and T has mentioned many of the symptoms to me. He said he doesn't believe in labels and I was okay with that.
Why do I now feel like the label is being applied?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Maybe it just seemas though all of these symptoms are really presenting themselves more than ever. The labels don't matter-- you are experiencing what you are experiencing... and that's all that matters... to work on those things in order to get better. I know that I am guilty of applying the label to myself when a lot of the symptoms start going at the same time.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Asking me if my call is a life threatening situation...after almost two years of therapy? First time ever...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Just remember the events leading up to this. Perhaps this was the first time ever you called twice before T called you back. There was probably a hint of desperation, sadness, anger, or anxiety, or all of the above, in your voice. The assistant probably picked up on all of this... and it is his job to clarify if this is an emergency situation. One thing I learned from working with my own patients is that these are peoples' lives that we are dealing with... and you have to be very, very careful not make a decision that could have been executed better if only a simple question was asked. This does not mean that you are mental patient or that you are worthy of the borderline label.

I will ask T on Tuesday if he doesn't cancel that appt. first...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[onyx69000]

sorry almeda sounds like and this is just me i am not a proffesional but i would kick that t to the curb. not calling you back, and the tough love games he seems to be playing with your head. maybe he has a god complex? maybe not but still if your at a point where you need to call the t he should atleast have his assistant call and check on you at the verry least . and Lables- omg you need a diagnossis. it's not a lable its knowing what you have and then go from there to try and fix or moderate the chemical imbalances you have or tendencies. i say this out of a common bond we have - we both need therapy-. its right there in your face. don't cry about a lost t look at it as a new begining try a woman t for a change. good luck! i wish you all the best.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's official I am a mental patient

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Why do you say that? Well, I guess maybe anyone going to therapy is a mental patient? Hmmm, I never thought of myself as a mental patient. I prefer the word "client."

You seem to be sharing a lot of personal information with your T's assistant, such as the comments about tough love and your T giving up on you and being disgusted. Do you find it helpful to share that sort of thing with the office help? I would be worried it would compromise that very special therapist-client relationship.

I think it is fine the assistant asked you if it was life threatening. That is his job. What is not OK is if the assistant says your T will call you back and your T doesn't. That would indicate a communication breakdown between the assistant and the therapist. They need to get their stories straight on what the assistant can and cannot promise to clients who call. Is there a way you can bypass the assistant and go directly to your T's voicemail so you don't have to deal with him?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think I've said before on here T doesn't label me

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I really support viewing clients from a position of health rather than pathology and not labeling them. Good for him on standing firm on this. What does it help to have a label? I think it is enough to recognize one has certain symptoms and then through therapy or meds, one can go about trying to deal with them.

almedafan, I think it would really help if you had a frank discussion with your T about if it is OK to call him between sessions, and if you do, whether he will call you back. Then you will know the score and won't be disappointed if he doesn't return your call simply because it is not his policy to have contact with clients between sessions.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel that T is disgusted with me and giving up on me

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think that's something you should discuss with him. Therapists should not find their clients disgusting. They are trained in that. I wonder if he doesn't really feel that way but you are just worried he does due to a recent lack of connection? I do remember one session I had with my T where we totally were not communicating. Whatever I said, he seemed to get upset by, and I did not understand why at all. At times, he seemed appalled. I told him that the next time, and he immediately owned up to the fact that he had indeed been appalled, and told me why. And we talked through that and worked it out. It helped our relationship. It would not have helped me to not mention it to him and just let it fester inside.

I have been disturbed by 2 things you have said recently about your T: 1) that he projects his negative feelings towards his sister onto you. This is major counter-transference that seems out of control, that it sounds like he does not recognize, and that is not therapeutic! 2) that he minimizes the physical violence exhibited by your husband toward your son. This is very serious stuff and his response makes it sound like he condones this.

Maybe I am misunderstanding those 2 things. If so, my apologies. I realize we're all different, but I would be unable to move forward in therapy until I got those two things sorted out.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
try a woman t for a change

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Something to consider.

I hope you feel better today and can get some things sorted out.

I definatley think you have had several issues with this T. If you are like me, I hate leaving a parental figure. Even when they disappoint me. I keep trying to make them give me something they arent going to be able to give. At some point, I have to stop trying and find someone who can. Maybe you can find a T who is more able to work with you in the modality that you feel is beneficial.

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
An assistant is going to have to ask if it's life threatening as the assistant doesn't know you. Your T may really have not had time to call you and since you answered that "no" it was not life threatening, I bet you get a call before Tuesday. The assistant can only report the "facts" on a little scrap of paper for "calls" and your T isn't going to read anymore into it. T's got a piece of pink paper with a checkmark on "call back"/not urgent and maybe a couple words else?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Still no phone call and he is doing what he *thinks* I need. I know these are my issues talking and I'm trying to remember that. It just feels like abandonment to me...

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
There is so much of me in this post... I just want to answer it fully and honestly and hope that it may help you. Please understand that this is not in anyway at attempt to undermine what you went through in this session.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know you would NEVER undermine me in any way so say whatever you feel.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I read your post and frankly, I was a little turned off by some of the things your T said-- i.e. comparing you to his sister.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I did tell him that I just thinks he is seeing her right now and not me. He did smile and nod a bit and now I'm wondering maybe he was trying to point something out to me. Like perhaps because I was feeling humiliated by some men in my life I was lashing out at him...? He also did say at the end 'well I thought we had the kind of relationship where we could talk honestly'...

I am always telling him to be honest with me perhaps I just didn't like the material.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
Feeling desperate because T seems to be disgusted with me (my perception of last session) I called once and didn't hear back so the fool that I am, I called again yesterday.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Just remember, there are so, so, so many reasons as to why he hasn't called back. What if he is at a conference? Running an all day group? At a training?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know, I try to remember this and always tell him I will not call. He's told me many times why he doesn't think it would be good for me to have contact between sessions...I just keep pushing those boundaries. This is the first time he hasn't called back so he's trying to show me he's serious.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
A T should never be disgusted with a client. Ever. It is okay to not agree with what the client does and to wish the client did different, but ultimately, a T should be able to accept whatever it is as part of the person. Last week I accused T of being disgusted with me in regards to my cutting. The real issue? I was disgusted with myself.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I will address this with him directly. Every morning I wake up crying because of what I *think* I saw on his face...of course now that days have passed the vision is much stronger than probably it actually was...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
think I've said before on here T doesn't label me but we've talked a lot about borderline, histrionic and dependent traits...of course I've read a ton about BPD and T has mentioned many of the symptoms to me. He said he doesn't believe in labels and I was okay with that.Why do I now feel like the label is being applied?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Maybe it just seemas though all of these symptoms are really presenting themselves more than ever. The labels don't matter-- you are experiencing what you are experiencing... and that's all that matters... to work on those things in order to get better. I know that I am guilty of applying the label to myself when a lot of the symptoms start going at the same time.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

On my way to work this morning, I was convincing myself that he is trying to spin me out of control so that he can label me a borderline and note it in the file and pass me on to someone else...can you say 'delusional'? I cannot believe where my thoughts are going Pink.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Asking me if my call is a life threatening situation...after almost two years of therapy? First time ever.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Just remember the events leading up to this. Perhaps this was the first time ever you called twice before T called you back.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes it is the first time I have ever called twice and that is why it hurts that he isn't calling me back...! Can't he see I am in pain?? That is what feeling I have right now

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
There was probably a hint of desperation, sadness, anger, or anxiety, or all of the above, in your voice. The assistant probably picked up on all of this... and it is his job to clarify if this is an emergency situation. One thing I learned from working with my own patients is that these are peoples' lives that we are dealing with... and you have to be very, very careful not make a decision that could have been executed better if only a simple question was asked. This does not mean that you are mental patient or that you are worthy of the borderline label.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes he did probably hear my desperation and I appreciate now that he asked the question. But I'm mad at T because I'm sure he heard all about this...why do I feel like he is sitting there with his arms folded laughing and saying 'nope, I'm not calling her'?

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It's official I am a mental patient

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Why do you say that? Well, I guess maybe anyone going to therapy is a mental patient? Hmmm, I never thought of myself as a mental patient. I prefer the word "client."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I struggle with this sunny because people in my life have always told me how 'crazy' I am...that label has been applied to me by others already. T always points out that I am not crazy and that I just have a lot of pain in my life and unmet needs. This time though I feel the label so perhaps I am putting that on him?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
You seem to be sharing a lot of personal information with your T's assistant, such as the comments about tough love and your T giving up on you and being disgusted. Do you find it helpful to share that sort of thing with the office help? I would be worried it would compromise that very special therapist-client relationship.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You've picked up on my main issue. I personalize all relationships and I have done that here too. Both my T and his assistant are funny guys, we all have similar personalities (the fun stuff not my issues) and I can see now that I am pushing them constantly to be my friend...it's pretty sad actually...both of them have always been professional with me but they also joke with me and I should be glad that they can do both and maintain boundaries...right?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
Is there a way you can bypass the assistant and go directly to your T's voicemail so you don't have to deal with him?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No there isn't...not one that he endorsed for me anyway. He once called my cell phone from his cell phone and I have his cell number. I had left a bag of my son's stuff at his office and he was just getting back from vacation and he called to ask me if it was mine. So, I have T's cell number but I refuse to use it because when he left that message he told me to call him back on his office line and gave that number. He probably just made a mistake.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think I've said before on here T doesn't label me

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I really support viewing clients from a position of health rather than pathology and not labeling them. Good for him on standing firm on this. What does it help to have a label? I think it is enough to recognize one has certain symptoms and then through therapy or meds, one can go about trying to deal with them

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know. My husband even said that if T does apply the 'label' he knows that will send me over the edge. So I need to quit asking him about this or trying to get him to do it...and examine why I am trying to get him to do this.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
almedafan, I think it would really help if you had a frank discussion with your T about if it is OK to call him between sessions, and if you do, whether he will call you back. Then you will know the score and won't be disappointed if he doesn't return your call simply because it is not his policy to have contact with clients between sessions.?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I haven't asked this directly no. He has called me back in the past and this time he isn't. It would've been easier if I had known up front what his policy is on this. I never asked and when he called me back initially, I just assumed I could call. I think he has been clear lately though. I'm just not listening. But I'll definitely clear it up on Tuesday.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel that T is disgusted with me and giving up on me

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think that's something you should discuss with him. Therapists should not find their clients disgusting. They are trained in that. I wonder if he doesn't really feel that way but you are just worried he does due to a recent lack of connection? I do remember one session I had with my T where we totally were not communicating. Whatever I said, he seemed to get upset by, and I did not understand why at all. At times, he seemed appalled. I told him that the next time, and he immediately owned up to the fact that he had indeed been appalled, and told me why. And we talked through that and worked it out. It helped our relationship. It would not have helped me to not mention it to him and just let it fester inside.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
I have been disturbed by 2 things you have said recently about your T: 1) that he projects his negative feelings towards his sister onto you. This is major counter-transference that seems out of control, that it sounds like he does not recognize, and that is not therapeutic!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

When I pointed this out to him he did smile a little and nod...maybe he was trying to point out to me that because the men in my life recently have hurt me that I am projected that on him? Who knows, I'll clear it up on Tuesday.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
2) that he minimizes the physical violence exhibited by your husband toward your son. This is very serious stuff and his response makes it sound like he condones this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

He did say that it is a situation to monitor but that I shouldn't assume he is evil right away. I do that a lot with people. Maybe this is why he told me about his sister? It was relevant to our discussion and my issues. He has said in the past that he is against violence against children. He knows what I've been through and that night he did acknowledge that. He said 'I can see how you would feel this way given what you've been through'...but we'll talk about it again.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
Maybe I am misunderstanding those 2 things. If so, my apologies. I realize we're all different, but I would be unable to move forward in therapy until I got those two things sorted out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I need to remember that how I tell the story has a lot to do with what you all end up thinking about him. I'm not saying he's perfect, because he has even said he is not.

I tell the story with my hurt emotions and feelings and I think that comes across on here and gives the impression that he is a bad evil person. Not fair to him really because no one is hearing the whole version just my distorted view of it.

I will address these feelings though Sunny because they are so strong, it's going to come out anyway whether I want it to or not...I can feel it.

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
onyx69000 said:
sorry almeda sounds like and this is just me i am not a proffesional but i would kick that t to the curb. not calling you back, and the tough love games he seems to be playing with your head. maybe he has a god complex?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I am finding humor in this (strange I know) because I found a ringtone for my cell phone that I was thinking of applying to his office number. When or if they ever call me back the ringtone says "God is calling, pick up the phone, God is calling'....

I was going to have him hear this in session one time as a joke. I'll bet he wouldn't think it was funny though huh?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
onyx69000 said:
maybe not but still if your at a point where you need to call the t he should atleast have his assistant call and check on you at the verry least.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know, this bothers me too. It just feels like he couldn't care less...I will address it on Tuesday.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
onyx69000 said:
and Lables- omg you need a diagnossis. it's not a lable its knowing what you have and then go from there to try and fix or moderate the chemical imbalances you have or tendencies. i say this out of a common bond we have - we both need therapy-. its right there in your face. don't cry about a lost t look at it as a new begining try a woman t for a change. good luck! i wish you all the best.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Honestly, a woman T would trigger me more than anything. No can do!! I'll see how Tuesday goes first...

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
esthersvirtue said:
I definatley think you have had several issues with this T. If you are like me, I hate leaving a parental figure. Even when they disappoint me. I keep trying to make them give me something they arent going to be able to give. At some point, I have to stop trying and find someone who can. Maybe you can find a T who is more able to work with you in the modality that you feel is beneficial.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I need to majorly address on Tuesday how I am feeling and I hope that I get some clarity on whether these are my issues talking or a combo of his and mine.

[MissCharlotte]

(((almeda)))

I don't like labels either.

I wish I could offer some wisdom but right now feel empty.

Peace.