Start with my New T tomorrow

Ok, so freaking now, I have an appt with my new T tomorrow at 4:00. My T wants me to see her, she deals with trauma and sexual abuse. I am starting to panic, anxiety is already kicking in!! I want to run away tonight!!!!!!!

((confused))

Just remember you don't have to say anything you don't want to. Use this first session to get to know your T and see how you feel about working together. Ask as many questions as you want to. And remember, breathe.

Remember to breath, that is the important one......headed for a full blown panic, and nothing I can do is lessening it much.....I can't ground myself...........I hate change....I hate trusting people......they always hurt me in the end........my T emailed me tonight and said he talked with the T I am seeing tomorrow, and touched base just alittle with her.........I told him I don't know if I can go through with this......seeing someone else.....feel like your abandoning me and pushing me away........nobody can help me........he said he is trying to find me help.......I need help.....and this route he thought would be easier on me then the hospital.....and he says I am not making good desicions.......I am scared....

Yes, do breathe :-) Hope you got a bit of sleep (not likely?). Hang in and take all of us with you. What time is the appointment?

ok, you are all coming with me, no I didn't get any sleep and what I did get was full of restless dreams and nightmares. The appt is at 4:00 wish it was already, so it was behind me.

Now I have to go to Amy's funeral, my gf's daughters, 12 years old on the 12th she turned, and we lost her on the 26th. I am dreading this day to begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh good idea confused, someone come with me tonight at 7:00...please!!!!!

Ok, so I took all of you with me........I have never been to a session like that before. My T when we have sessions I go in with what I need or want to talk about, or he brings up things and we talk, we work out something, or he sends me home to think about things. It is intense and at times scary, But I am comfortable with him and know his approach and the way things happen, usually anyway.

My new T I just saw tonight, she is stictly trauma, and healing from the trauma. We focused on my others. She talked to me about how she will help me let go of the past, so it doesn't paralyze me in the present. Today we focused on the suicide part of me, and asked her to step aside so I could access the fear part of me. It was intense, I am exhausted, and the whole time in there, my inner child was yelling and angry at me. I felt like I was in a war zone, so I broke down and told her about my inner child work I had started and abandoned because it was to painful. She asked if my other T was helping me with it, I said I was doing it on my own, with a self help book. She was amazed I even tried,and said that this is why my T wants me to see her, she will help me get through this and make peace with my inner child. She was a abused child as well, so she knows what and how I am feeling. She asked if I could let the suicide part of me know that we are going to give her coping skills to help stop her from thinking that there is no hope to go on. She also said that she is not going to stop me from following through with my plan but that she is hoping that with her help, I will be able to stop having the thoughts and feelings of no other way.

It was interesting, intense, and a whole different approach then what I have been accustomed to. She also said that with the two of us working together that she feels we will be able to accomplish this without having to do the hospilization route.

The down side is, she is away next week.......figures!!! So she wants me to see my other T, and she said she will tell him what we worked on today and that she wants me to see him while she is gone.

I feel like my little inner child right now!!!

Oh, man, too bad she's away next week! That happened to me when I started to see my T again; I finally called for an appointment but she was going to be away for two weeks first.

Good you found some "interesting" parts and, looks like, hope? Glad she thinks you can do it all with nonhospital! That's good, yes?

Yes that is good, I would of gone into the hospital to help with the self destructive thoughts, but all I would of done was worry about everything here at home, with the kids and if my husband was around enough to take care of them. So I didn't see that happening.

I am still trying to process that session, my regular T called me tonight to see how things went. I told him I didn't know yet, he thought that was a fair enough answer right now. I told him how she wants me to see him next week, he said that was fine, but it was up to me. Don't let it be up to me, I won't go, and that is what I told him, then fine I won't schedule. But I know I should, another week without seeing and talking puts me further in the hole.

Any decision is hard right now, I can't seem to make any. I am doing better processing what happened in that office today, I get that she doesn't need to know about the past, she wants to correct the present, and put the past feelings I have where they belong, in the past. And I get how she is going to deal with my others to do this. It is just all new stuff to me, not what I am used to. So I am alittle, ok alot afraid to go there right now.

When she was asking me to talk to mmy suicide other and ask her to just relax for a few so I could access some of my other emotions, I was able to do that briefly. My inner child came through so strong and angry she was screaming. I reacted and had a small melt down, I told her about it, and that I had broken the little trust I started with her. So she asked me how I broke my inner childs trust. I told her I brought her out a while ago, and then I put her back away because it was to painful. We talked more about my inner child, and how I have to help her trust again, and she is there to help me do that. All this is so new, my T has never approached any of this like this before. The one time he tried to help me with inner child work, he hypnotized me, and sent me right in with her, and I fought back, and pulled myself out of the hypnosis. So this is different, and scary......and I feel like I have never done therapy before tonight!!!

I like what she said about working together and avoiding the hospitalization route. That seems comforting. Wow, you two did a lot of work in that 1st session.