[NP_Complete]

By sexual trauma, I mean however you define it. What I feel is traumatic, might not be for you and vice versa.

When talking about it with your therapist, how much detail do you share? Do you think the gender of your therapist matters? I'm female and my therapist is male, for what it's worth. We've talked about things I feel are traumatic for me. He's often said things like I know you're leaving out details, which makes me wonder what is normal to share detail-wise. I don't think he's being prurient about it. I'm just curious what others' feel comfortable sharing with their therapist.

[SummerTime12]

I’m female with a male therapist too, and it definitely makes sharing sexual trauma more difficult. I don’t like to use the actual words to describe things, and often make him guess what I’m trying to say. I’ve wondered what’s normal to disclose also. As time goes on, I’ve begun to share more details, but only regarding one specific trauma we’ve discussed over and over. And even then I’ve left some details out. The others he still has no details on.
It’s weitd because even though I know it’s not the case, it almost feels inappropriate to share so much.

[zoiecat]

I am female with a male trauma T. He pretty much knows everything I know but I too do not use the real terms for describing things. I will say enough that he understands what happened. Sometimes, I write memories down and hand it to him. Physical sensations, pictures, feelings, thoughts. He does a great job of empathizing and making me aware that it was not my fault. It was not OK. He will sometimes describe it using the correct terms which makes me know he is not freaked out by what I have told him. He also knows that I have a lot more memories held by my young parts and there will be more to come. Sometimes those are the easiest to tell him because I only get bits and pieces at a time from them. I will share each puzzle piece as I learn it. Eventually, we both have the entire story for that memory.

I must admit that if I were seeing a female T I would probably describe things in more detail and use more appropriate words but I am happy with my male T. Personally, I think it means more coming from a male when he validates my abuse. I don't think I would feel the same level of validation from a female.

[Amyjay]

I have never verbalized any of the abuse and don't imagine ever being able to describe it in any detail at all. My T and I are both female. Maybe some of the parts in here could or would say it. I don't know.

I am editing to add that must be wrong because written in the psychiatric evaluation which I have a copy of is a summary of the kinds of s abuse. So there must have been talk about it before. Otherwise how would they know?

[fille_folle]

This is one reason I couldn't have a male T. I would be way too uncomfortable. As it is, my female T pretty much has to drag every detail out of me. I tend to speak in ridiculously vague terms most of the time.

[NativeSky]

I am female with a male T. No, I don't go into detail. I have a female group T with all female members and although I feel freer and more comfortable in group T, I still do not go into detail about the abuse.

For the most part, I have only talked about the different ages when the abuse happened, duration (whether it was a single instance or prolonged) and the perpetrator's relation to me. Going into detail about the abuse is not healing for me.

I've told her s rough narrative of events. I couldn't do this with a male T because the perp was my brother.

I have talked about it with both genders. It was harder for me to be open with a man about it but I also found it incredibly validating and just knowing that I could trust him and he wasn't going to hurt me, that he thought it was as horrible as I felt it was, that all helped with the healing. I struggled with the amount of detail to divulge bit I just asked how much I could or should say. In both instances I was told there are no limits but it helped to hear that.

[captgut]

I’m female with a male therapist too.
I told him I was sexually abused by my cousin, but gave no details. I was too embarrassed...

We never talked about this again.

[NativeSky]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

Personally, I think it means more coming from a male when he validates my abuse.

Yes, this. Don't know why, but it feels validating just sitting in front of a man and having him listen. Maybe because my own father never believed me.

[NP_Complete]

The things I've been talking about with him are things that happened in my last relationship. I guess I share at the level I feel comfortable with, which is basically I give him a broad story, but not like a step-by-step re-enactment of what happened.

[ruh roh]

My therapist says I don't need to go into details. She is the same gender as two abusers, so it's complicated. I sometimes wonder if she pulls back because of this. Regardless, it comes off as her being distant. It's really hard all around.

[nottrustin]

I am a female seeing 2 female T's. I have never given details to either. Both of them have said they do not need them. I plan to give a little detailwhen we get to the anise trauma in EMDR. But T has told me I can give as little or as my h as I feel comfortable with. She is comfortable with whatever works for me.

[junkDNA]

I give enough detail to explain the situations

[Anne2.0]

It has helped me to be detailed, more than I ever thought it would be. I think still less than the "gory" or unnecessary aspects to the nature of the abuse itself. Instead my details are more about what I did to try to avoid it, or how I felt afterwards, not so much the this and that. What has been helpful to me is that I feel when I talk about it more holistically, it takes a lot of the power out of it. If I can talk about, it's like I have bested it in some way-- see there, abuse and abuser, I don't have to keep it locked up inside. If that makes any sense to anybody else, I don't know.