Being seen and heard by your t

This is very important for me in sessions. I often have felt in the past my t didn’t see or hear me and there was a misattunement which led to huge ruptures.
For me being seen and heard means being respected and validated. Sometimes my t has talked over me or tried to say my opinion was wrong or I was wrong, my feelings were wrong. She has always got it in the end but we had huge ruptures before she got it.
Now I feel my t sees me-most of the time, occasionally her own stuff gets in the way and she sees that but how does your t see you?
Not sure if this makes any sense to anyone, so apologies if it doesn’t.

Sometimes my T is more concerned about her reasoning than my feelings. But she never talks over me or tells me my feelings are wrong. For me, I feel heard and seen when she empathizes with me and tries to understand where I'm coming from. Also validation is extremely important. Luckily, my T is empathetic most of the time. And if she slips up, I let her know, she apologizes and goes back to empathizing.

My Ts have all been skilled and together enough to hear and see me almost all of the time. When they have missed it, I tell them and they have corrected it. But that has only been maybe a half dozen times in 10 years.

There have been lots of times where they have asked me to explain something that they are not getting. I think that is fine. Or asked if I was saying ... and not had it quite right. I think that is fine, also. But I definitely feel like they are trying to understand me and keep their stuff out of the way.

I have had Ts say to me that they are caught up in their past or their feelings about an event, but they have said that on their own, without me having to point it out and without me feeling ignored in the process. Last night T3 asked about my church's teaching about sex, saying that she had in mind that churches teach sex is for procreation only. I said that was not what my church teaches and she was fine with that. I suppose a blank slate T would not have said that, but the interaction was fine with me.

My T makes me feel seen and heard by validating how I feel and what I think. He tells me that my emotions make sense, that I make sense. When I say something like I feel humiliated ( or something like this), he doesn't tell me that I don't need to feel humiliated. He usually just sits with me and it feels really safe. I feel seen and heard because of his consistency in how he acts in therapy and how he responds to me kindly, intelligently, empathically.

My previousT, when I told him that I regretted things I had done/said, he replied, "I would have you not feel that way." I know, have no doubt, that previousT said this out of kindness. However, my T taught me that however I feel is how I feel. That it is okay to feel however. That I don't choose how I feel nor can I not feel something I feel on command.

It may seem that I idealize my T, but truthfully, everything I have said is true.

It's the basis of therapy I think, because if they don't see and hear you, how can they help you?

My T and pdoc do, usually. Although in the past sometimes pdoc said I was doing better (not spending all day sitting in the corner of my bedroom, picking up activities) and it was.. sort of hurtful to me because my mood was still the same, I was just acting in a more socially acceptable way.
So now pdoc usually says "I know you find it difficult to hear, but I see you're DOING better because of x.. and I also know that you're not FEELING better." That does make me feel seen and heard.
T is similar, although she usually talks about growth and I'm like, yeah so I'm 'growing' but I'm unhappy, so does it matter?

Also I use this analogy a lot.. came up with it myself. "Yeah, I seem more cheerful and that's probably true. But I'm still below the freezing point. Water 50 degrees below the freezing point makes you just as unable to swim as water 100 degrees below. You're still frozen and cold."
They understand that.

This makes perfect sense and is hugely important to me, not just with T but in general life. I think I feel it particularly acutely as I felt completely unheard as a child.
Luckily my T is really good at hearing me most of the time. On the odd occasion where he misses the mark he takes ownership of that very quickly. That's been very important.
Over the last few years I've had issues with both tutors and my supervisor who were not so attuned to what I am saying and have triggered those feelings of being unheard and not valued.

This is very important to me too , not being listened to or heard has been a major issue. Both my T's are thankfully very good at it.

I think he's quite good at seeing and hearing me. More importantly, I think therapy in general helps me see and hear myself and I've noticed that as time has gone on (like 8 or 9 years), what he says is way less important than what I do.

In general I do believe T hears and understands where I am coming from. There is one area I struggle though.. T had a very stained relationship with here mother and most siblings. So she broken off contact with them. Growing up I had an amazing relationship with my mom and siblings. About 3 years ago I had to cut my brother out of my life. It has been a HUGE struggle for me. It was not something I wanted to do but T convinced me I had to do. I still struggle emotionally with it. I don't think T understands why I struggle so much. I often wonder if it is because by the time she broke away from her family she was ready and never had a close relationship with them. It is very frustrating.

I don't know what being seen means, but the woman definitely did not listen or hear me. I quit using her for that and used her in a way that worked for me and that did not expect much except the room from her.

That would be frustrating. Sometimes I think it’s better to have a t with no experience of your issues because they really try to understand your experience and push their own onto you.
Sometimes I think my t is far too different to ever understand me. She often says we can only take our clients as far as we have been. Then how can she take me anywhere because she has never been to where I have been no where near there.

It is hard. She has made comments about not me being so stuck on believing family is really important, when all they do is hurt me.

That's why my T is mostly blank-slate. She keeps her issues and opinions out of my therapy. Of course, if I ask for her opinion, depending on what we're talking about, she'll give it to me. I asked her awhile back whether or not she believed in God. She said she doesn't tell any of her clients that because she doesn't want her beliefs to affect her clients.

Both of my T's told me their religious beliefs only after I told them mine. Emdr T said she doesn't usually tell Clients bit since we are both practicing Catholics she felt it is okay. It has been beneficial because some of my issues are questioning how God could all everything to happen to me. While intellectually I know the answer emotionally I struggle. I we have had some great discussions about this.