[mostlylurking]

Has a therapist ever terminated with you because they felt they lacked the proper training / skills / experience to help you? Do you know if they decided this themselves, or were told they were not equipped to see you by a supervisor or colleague?

Were you given a choice about seeking care elsewhere, or was that decision made unilaterally? Were you offered termination sessions with the T? Did the T provide you with referrals that you found useful? Did you, indeed, find better help with another T?

Prior to that, had you been satisfied with the care you were receiving? Or did you concur that the T was not equipped to help you, and you had been dissatisfied?

If you were terminated unilaterally, how did it affect you emotionally? Do you feel that it was ultimately beneficial to you, or overall mostly harmful?

Thanks for any and all replies!

[stopdog]

The only reason a therapist has ever been the one to end with me is because of retirement. I ended with the other 3 due to their lack of competence.

after eight years of promising to never leave me, my first t said she didnt have the skills to hel me any more (I hVe DID). she dumped me one night. out of nowhere, i did not know it was coming and there were no clues. it wrecked my life for several years and made things much worse, i had no in
ut in the decison, and she left me abandoned. She did not offer any ending sessions to discuss it. it was just DONE.
It was very harmful. Took me years to get over.
It took over two years to find a new therapist. But my new therapist has been amazing, and worth the wait, and way way better than first t ever was. at the time inthought first t was great. but compared to my second t, she knew nothing.

None of my past therapists have ever ended my therapy. It had always been me walking away after things not working out. In truth I wish that those past therapists had ended our time, because they didn't seem to know how to help me.

My current therapist has a far better understanding of approaching my traumas in comparison to the previous therapists I've been to. That is kind of weird considering I had seen a couple trauma specialists who victims services had referred me to. One of those specialists wound up causing a great deal of damage to my life through some truly awful therapy method choices.

Compared to the fallout of that, it would have been easier for me to have been told they didn't know what to do so I should find somebody else.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

Has a therapist ever terminated with you because they felt they lacked the proper training / skills / experience to help you? Do you know if they decided this themselves, or were told they were not equipped to see you by a supervisor or colleague?

Were you given a choice about seeking care elsewhere, or was that decision made unilaterally? Were you offered termination sessions with the T? Did the T provide you with referrals that you found useful? Did you, indeed, find better help with another T?

Prior to that, had you been satisfied with the care you were receiving? Or did you concur that the T was not equipped to help you, and you had been dissatisfied?

If you were terminated unilaterally, how did it affect you emotionally? Do you feel that it was ultimately beneficial to you, or overall mostly harmful?

Thanks for any and all replies!

I don't know the reason, but I believe now that she lacked the skills. What she did at the time was simply put it on me by saying "You're very ill." And she said it angrily. That hurt more than anything, although it was all deeply wounding.

I suspect she talked to others about terminating, but she did not tell me.

She gave me the name of someone I knew in a different context and did not care for as a person, so it was useless to me as a reference.

Yes, it was unilateral and I had no choice. She even told me I was not allowed to talk. She justified this by saying she would not charge me. The way she phrased it "I don't want your money anymore."

I did not see it coming. I showed up for what I thought was a regular appointment, she said what she wanted to, I broke down sobbing, so shocked and distraught, it took some time to get out the door. Since she didn't want my money, it was not a full session. I think it took maybe 20 minutes or so for it all to go down.

Prior to that, I didn't think in terms of being happy with my therapy or not. I had begun to spiral and she was probably frustrated by that. I would have continued therapy if it had been my choice because it was my only source of human support. My life tanked after she terminated. I sold my home, quit my job, moved, and ultimately ended up without a home, getting by housesitting and taking care of animals for $10 a day.

I can't pin that all on her, but it was an inciting incident. It took me another 10 years to try therapy again, but then that therapist moved away suddenly after 5 months. My therapist today has an uphill battle due to my distrust. It has taken an awful toll that way, and I wonder how much more progress I could make with my therapist if all of those old fears and wounds weren't in the way.

[awkwardlyyours]

I wasn't actually terminated but it seemed to be heading that way (until I decided to do it myself) -- former T got insistent that I go to a DBT group in addition to doing therapy with her (she didn't run the group and nor did she have any DBT training).

Happened when I basically stopped trying to mask my depression + anger in session -- she said I needed to figure out how to manage my emotions and individual therapy with her wouldn't cut it.

So, I called it quits and walked out.

[the forgotten]

I said "other" because I am in the process of being dumped right now. T can't handle the transference/attachment and has been distancing herself, fumbling, and is now threatening to terminate.

[the forgotten]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

I wasn't actually terminated but it seemed to be heading that way (until I decided to do it myself) -- former T got insistent that I go to a DBT group in addition to doing therapy with her (she didn't run the group and nor did she have any DBT training).

Happened when I basically stopped trying to mask my depression + anger in session -- she said I needed to figure out how to manage my emotions and individual therapy with her wouldn't cut it.

So, I called it quits and walked out.

Wow, I have a super similar thing going on. Mine has "seen" a trait in me recently (which she is so freaking wrong about) and has told me to do x,y,z or she is done.

[Anne2.0]

I'm not sure if you wanted answers from people whose therapy was not terminated by the T. I've ended therapy twice for natural reasons (felt I was ready to be done and was, at least for 15 years).

But if a T raised the issue with me that they didn't feel competent to treat me, I would appreciate the honesty and see it as a good reason to find someone else. Not saying that is the right thing from any perspective, just what I would do.

No, but I think that's because I know how to weed them out in the beginning.

I started seeing a new one again recently and told him about my worst issues 2nd session, and he told me he had already recognized cptsd and then DID. He only has a masters degree but seemed knowledgable and comfortable.

I also get a good sense of their personality within one or a couple sessions, which is another way to weed them out. If they seem needy or their transference projections stand out, and believe me-it's often not hard to tell-its hasta la vista, baby!



Just my take on it but wouldn't have known this years ago. Read too many bad stories here, so developed a strategy.

[BudFox]

She forced me out, but i also wanted out because it had become very unhealthy.

Her initial reasoning was that my "transference" was a problem.

Later she said the modality in which she was trained did not meet my needs.

I suspect her supervisor was coaching her.

We had a couple of final sessions.

She told me her "door was always open" then later said... oops the door is now closed, and petulantly told me never to contact her again after some toxic back and forth.

All post-termination interaction involved unilateral decision making on her part. The "relationship" suddenly became parent-child, with her as erratic and irrational parent.

The referrals i pursued were useless. These therapists advocated for the therapist in question, or said pointless things. It was degrading and insane.

The termination was destructive. Continuing would have been destructive. It's not that she was incompetent. It was dysfunctional from day one.

It was emotional prostitution that gratified no real needs, and which ended in ridiculous fashion, leaving a new set of problems on top of the existing ones.

[amicus_curiae]

No, I’ve never been terminated.

For any reason.

Kind of a “how often do you beat your dog?” question?

[here today]

My last therapist terminated therapy with me because she said she "lacked the emotional resources" to continue. She had agreed, of course, to start therapy with me 6 years earlier and when I had asked then what she thought my major problems where she said that I was "narcissistically wounded and fragmented." She had a Ph.D. in psychology, post-doc training in trauma and dissociation, and I believe I had good reason to expect that she could see the therapy through. But she could not. I see that as lack of competence -- not sure that she or her licensing board would, though, because from the standpoint of training she was as "competent" as one could expect in that profession at the current time. As for the matter of not being a good "fit"? Decided by her after 6 years? Well, that wasn't asked in the topic of this thread, but seems like there's a little incompetence there, in her self-knowledge, or "work on herself", or . . .once, again, back to what the profession accepts as OK.

Consequently, I consider that the therapy was ended because the profession is incompetent to treat me. I did not go to the other therapist my last T referred me to. She abided by the letter of the ethics guidelines in doing that of course, she called around until she found someone who said they were willing to take me on. I had been to lots of therapists before the last one, and was not willing to take that kind of "referral" at that point. Although I've tried a couple of therapists since then for various "on the surface" things, I think it's very unlikely that anybody in the profession really knows much what to do about any of the deep stuff. What a disappointment! From my perspective, what a lifelong, almost, scam.

[the forgotten]

Originally Posted by BudFox

She forced me out, but i also wanted out because it had become very unhealthy.

Her initial reasoning was that my "transference" was a problem.

Later she said the modality in which she was trained did not meet my needs.

I suspect her supervisor was coaching her.

We had a couple of final sessions.

She told me her "door was always open" then later said... oops the door is now closed, and petulantly told me never to contact her again after some toxic back and forth.

All post-termination interaction involved unilateral decision making on her part. The "relationship" suddenly became parent-child, with her as erratic and irrational parent.

The referrals i pursued were useless. These therapists advocated for the therapist in question, or said pointless things. It was degrading and insane.

The termination was destructive. Continuing would have been destructive. It's not that she was incompetent. It was dysfunctional from day one.

It was emotional prostitution that gratified no real needs, and which ended in ridiculous fashion, leaving a new set of problems on top of the existing ones.

Ok, one thing you said in this post really struck something in me : "I suspect her supervisor was coaching her." I have felt that too recently, with the odd shift, aloofness, and Freudianlike distance I am receiving.

Also, this is a bit off topic and personal, so please don't feel like you need to answer, as it's fairly personal. (Sorry, trying to work through my own stuff and hearing what others have gone through is helpful.) Did your T ever make comments that made you feel like you were more than 'just a client'? Like, she said she liked you, cared for you, anything? Just wondering if so, did it make it that much harder?

[unaluna]

My longterm t back in the 80's tried, more than once. It really wasnt a good fit. I couldnt be honest with her, and she could only hide 98 percent of her impatience with me. I now wish i had left her sooner, but hindsight is 20/20.

Still, i really had to hit bottom in order to idk - stop protecting my ego in t?

No, I ended with one because I thought he lacked competence in some major ways. I personally think that it is more professional and responsible if they admit that they are not able to deal with a case vs continuing to take money, making promises, and no benefit for the client or even causing hurt and harm.

[MobiusPsyche]

No but I've been to a few who weren't competent to treat me. I just kept it on a surface level and didn't disclose my real problems because I felt like nobody could help me (that is, I didn't think it was the therapist's fault, it was my fault).

The last two I've seen, I've been up front with and they've been able to help me loads.

[fille_folle]

My longtime T almost did. Well, not terminated exactly, since she assured me she could continue to see me in addition to the specialist if I wanted. However, she ended up stuck with me because the specialist didn't have room. Ha! She got supervision from her, though.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by the forgotten

Ok, one thing you said in this post really struck something in me : "I suspect her supervisor was coaching her." I have felt that too recently, with the odd shift, aloofness, and Freudianlike distance I am receiving.

Yep. At one point mine became suddenly more distant. I suspect her supervisor orchestrated that. Great, so now some therapist was pulling the strings remotely, through my therapist. And BTW i saw short vid of the supervisor, and she seemed like a crank. And then maybe my therapist will train some new therapists, and you have an ongoing lineage of crazy therapists.

Originally Posted by the forgotten

Also, this is a bit off topic and personal, so please don't feel like you need to answer, as it's fairly personal. (Sorry, trying to work through my own stuff and hearing what others have gone through is helpful.) Did your T ever make comments that made you feel like you were more than 'just a client'? Like, she said she liked you, cared for you, anything? Just wondering if so, did it make it that much harder?

Yes, and she acknowledged this, it wasn't my imagination. It added to the fixation and rumination about what her motives were and what the hell was going on.

[mostlylurking]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

My longtime T almost did. Well, not terminated exactly, since she assured me she could continue to see me in addition to the specialist if I wanted. However, she ended up stuck with me because the specialist didn't have room. Ha! She got supervision from her, though.

This seems like one of the better stories, in that she acknowledged her own limitations honestly, yet also protected you by offering to continue seeing you even if you needed additional specialized care. And when that didn't happen she stepped up herself, and sought supervision to help her help you. It seems like the best of both worlds, she sought the best care for you but also did not abandon you.

[onceuponacat]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Yep. At one point mine became suddenly more distant. I suspect her supervisor orchestrated that. Great, so now some therapist was pulling the strings remotely, through my therapist. And BTW i saw short vid of the supervisor, and she seemed like a crank. And then maybe my therapist will train some new therapists, and you have an ongoing lineage of crazy therapists.


Yes, and she acknowledged this, it wasn't my imagination. It added to the fixation and rumination about what her motives were and what the hell was going on.

Mine is doing the same thing and it's what made me join this forum. I've taken a break for a month and I'm not sure if I'll go back. He was helpful up until he started acting like a weirdo and distanced himself for no apparent reason. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.

I was actually really optimistic about therapy in the beginning and was recommending it to other people in my life up until this happened.

[mostlylurking]

I am in the midst of a lot of pain and turmoil about this issue, so I know I am quite biased. But from this thread so far, it seems like many clients do a decent job of recognizing a T's incompetence when that is the case, though some of us may have wished we had stopped sooner with some T's. (When we have been hurt by an inept T, like nextstep mentioned, it's not clear the T ever realized their incompetence.)

When the therapist decides they are not competent, based on this thread so far, it is more likely to be harmful to the client than helpful, to put it mildly. In fact it seems to be a bit of a "go-to" excuse when therapists feel overwhelmed or uneasy in a relationship with a client, or fear getting in trouble with colleagues, and want out of it. But again -- my personal feelings are running rampant here.

What I'm not seeing much of -- and I haven't in my couple of years on the forum -- is a story that goes "I was seeing a T and it wasn't really working that well, so they said we needed to stop and they recommended a few other therapists. I went to see one and it was so much better. I'm really glad I was referred."

Hopefully some of us have had that happy story, but it's rare in comparison with the client having to recognize the incompetence themselves, or the T being incredibly destructive in abandoning someone.

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

What I'm not seeing much of -- and I haven't in my couple of years on the forum -- is a story that goes "I was seeing a T and it wasn't really working that well, so they said we needed to stop and they recommended a few other therapists. I went to see one and it was so much better. I'm really glad I was referred."

It SORTA happened to me. I was doing CBT with ex T. And it wasn't working that well and she was having regular peer consultation with other therapists in the clinic as well as her clinical supervisor.

We were trying and she was bending her rigid frame like occasionally allowing me hugs, reading my journals which I brought in, going overtime (billed if it was longer than a certain time).

She felt overwhelmed and inadequate not knowing how to treat my trauma as I didn't believe I had trauma and she wasn't trauma informed or trained in it.

Eventually a peer of hers (now my current T) suggested schema therapy which we felt was worth a shot. She kept saying she wasn't competent but I didn't want another therapist. I was afraid of being abandoned and wanted to stick it out. So she tried but the modality demands a lot she can't give.

Eventually she told me she was going on maternity leave and had carefully chosen which substitute therapist in the practice I would see. She chose very carefully and I decided to stay on with that therapist who is current T.

I'm really glad ex T chose current T and that they both wanted me to pick the therapist I felt was useful.

[mostlylurking]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

She felt overwhelmed and inadequate not knowing how to treat my trauma as I didn't believe I had trauma and she wasn't trauma informed or trained in it.

Eventually a peer of hers (now my current T) suggested schema therapy which we felt was worth a shot. She kept saying she wasn't competent but I didn't want another therapist. I was afraid of being abandoned and wanted to stick it out. So she tried but the modality demands a lot she can't give.

Eventually she told me she was going on maternity leave and had carefully chosen which substitute therapist in the practice I would see. She chose very carefully and I decided to stay on with that therapist who is current T.

I'm really glad ex T chose current T and that they both wanted me to pick the therapist I felt was useful.

I'm glad to hear another positive story! I would guess the key things were, your first T tried her best while admitting her limitations, she was flexible, she didn't abandon you, and you were given autonomy. I'm very glad you were treated with care and respect.

[guilloche]

Haven't had a chance to read all the responses yet (I'm about to make a mad dash to finish up Sunday night meal prep, but couldn't resist answering this one).

I can't believe that I'm one of only 3, so far, that said yes. Not sure how to take that.

But, yeah. Years ago... My first T. He didn't believe in dissociative disorders. I learned about them online, and thought, "huh, that sounds really familiar!". T managed to find an expert to do a consultation. I asked T, "If the expert diagnoses me with a dissociative disorder, are you going to kick me out?"

T's response: "Absolutely not! This is just so that we can better plan your treatment!"

Again, this was my first T. I believed him. Stupid me.

The expert diagnosed me with dissociative stuff. I had referrals from new T, but was going through a crazy, crazy time (I had been laid off, in a bad way, from my job, was starting grad school, luckily had just found out that I had a fellowship to cover school, and had this diagnosis tossed at me. I had also had one of my best friends at the time decide that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I was kind of a mess!)

I tried to go back to old T... we ended up doing one session, at my request, because I wanted to talk about the report from the consultation and what it meant.

It was really terrible. That T hadn't been great, but in this last session, it felt like he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Like, instead of reaching out to talk to me and explain things to me, he was pulled in, not making any effort, and just seemed annoyed that I had come back.

When I pointed out that he said he wouldn't kick me out, he said that he shouldn't have said that. OMG. Then, he had the nerve to say something as I was leaving, I don't remember exactly what it was, but something like, "let me know how grad school goes" - something like that, that made it sound like he was open to me contacting him again.

Such a bad experience. Sorry, I didn't mean to go on so long, but really... sucked.

I've recently checked out his webpage, and it looks like he's changed the focus of his practice... instead of actual "therapy", it looks like he's focused on coaching people who are "successful at their primary career, and want to move in to another career".

Basically, it looks like he doesn't want to deal with anyone having actual mental health problems. It seems so crazy to me

Edit to Add:
It wasn't *just* that he kicked me out, but how he handled it. When I went back, it really felt like he just didn't want anything to do with me. If you've ever tried talking to someone that doesn't want to interact with you, doesn't offer up information, barely grunts out an answer... THAT'S what this felt like. Like, after sending me off for this consultation, he couldn't be any less interested in talking to me about the results. The consult-T had talked to me at the end of all of it, but that hadn't been helpful (ironically, b/c I was dissociating and/or anxious at the time and couldn't remember a thing that she said.) I was expecting *my* T, who I'd seen for a year at that point, to actually review the results with me and talk me through it.

I think that he could have kicked me out, but done it in a kinder, gentler way. So much of interpersonal stuff seems to come down to HOW you say/handle something, rather than what actually happens. If he had engaged with me, told me how much he had learned from working with me, talked to me about the report, talked about the fact that he hoped I'd find better help with someone who knew more about this stuff... I think it would have been better. Not great, but still... I wouldn't have left feeling like I was such a difficult burden that he couldn't wait to be rid of me.