[Mouse_]

I just realised what I am running from. My own inner hatred. I seethe with hatred. I am looking for someone that I can hate. I'm looking for someone to make me feel good about myself so I do not have to carry the burden of hatred. I can say I hate my past, but that doesn't seem to put the hate where it belongs. I watched a horror movie yesterday where this girl was abused and her fear over time turned into hatred, her darkness/hatred covered the world and bred more hatred. I don't know how to let go my hate. I have no opinions because they are all created by my hate. I don't know if what I am ever saying is true or my hatred discugised. I am poisoned.

that is a dark place... the place where you are standing now. No doubt about it. i won't sugar coat anything and say it's all ok.. it isn't. You have been poisoned... but the thing you can't see yet is that you can pull yourself out of that place, and remove the poison. You didn't poison yourself, but we learn that somehow we did. The light you need to find your way out of that dark place is the notion, even just a tiny inkling, that someone else put you where you are... that maybe you deserve to be held instead of shunned.

i hope you find that. i hope your T can help you do it... from what you say about her i think she can hold a lantern up for you until you find that light yourself.

[Junerain]

For Mouse,

I noticed you wrote your own inner hatred was what causes these feelings and circumstances...that you want to feel better about yourself....how about making a choice to forgive? NOT RECONCILE...........that's asking too much....just forgive....the tie that is tying you to this terrible, terrible, person......cut the tie.....and hand the tie over between God and this terrible person.....God will punish in His own way......it's as if this terrible person owes you money for what they did to you.....and you bravely stamp DEBT FORGIVEN.....this will free up your heart of inner hatred DO IT FOR YOURSELF....the hatred hold you back and it doesnt even hurt your offender he/she isnt getting hurt by the hatred just you are the mature choice for YOURSELF is to forgive just to get YOURSELF ahead of the game.....then pray for your offender.....

[Rapunzel]

(((((( Mouse ))))))))

I haven't found my way out of the same dark place either. It was probably a couple of years ago that T told me that I hate myself, and I realized that she was right. I understand it a little better now. I have parts and they hate each other. That's a little bit of an easier way for me to think about it.

I don't know if we can just let go of a feeling. We need to replace it with another feeling. If love is too much, why not try for respect at first, or something that you can move towards accepting. Can we hold hands and try to take a step forward together?

Rap

[pachyderm]

Is hatred the same as anger? Anger can be useful...