[MASIMO]

Sent a one line email to my therapist.
Do you care about me?

Response:

"Get serious, if it isn't obvious by now, what do I have to say and do?"

So how do I interpret this. I have told him I love him.
What does caring about me mean. Does he care about me as his
patient? Perhaps I should have said "Do you care for me"
Based on his response, I interpreted it as more than just a
doctor/patient caring.

What do you all think?

[wheeler]

I think he definitely cares about you. But I think it's gonna take more than that for you to believe it.

I would take that to be a Yes.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

Sent a one line email to my therapist.
Do you care about me?

Response:

"Get serious, if it isn't obvious by now, what do I have to say and do?"

So how do I interpret this. I have told him I love him.
What does caring about me mean. Does he care about me as his
patient? Perhaps I should have said "Do you care for me"
Based on his response, I interpreted it as more than just a
doctor/patient caring.

What do you all think?

Perhaps a different approach to this question would be "what response did you *expect* to get?"

[anilam]

Not sure what you want to hear...

Successful therapeutic bond is strong on both sides. It is not just a patient/doctor relationship. However a good T keeps between its preexisting boundaries. Nothing more nothing less. It cant be a real love, friendship, parental relationships... (though it is a bit of everything and more)

Id be scared if Id think that my T feels more (and honestly I don't see it in his one sentence).

[stopdog]

I would take the response as a yes t cares in a professional way but not in a non prodessional way. But I also wonder what did you want the t to say differently?

[Travelinglady]

Be careful here. I think you're likely reading more into what he wrote than he intended. Of course, he SHOULD care for you. That's his job. He is supposed to be looking out for your best interests and helping you.

I don't want to put a downer on things, but it's perfectly normal for patients to feel attraction toward their therapists. BUT, if the therapist starts feeling an attraction beyond the patient-therapist relationship, then that is NOT good. It does happen, of course.

HOWEVER, if he were to step out of his role as a therapist with you, then he would be violating the ethical principles he is required to uphold and doing you a great disservice.

Okay?

You sound a bit like you are wanting him to say he cares about you more than just a client/therapist relationship. That does not seem to be what he is saying, so try not to read into it more than what it is. Sounds like he is just saying his actions in listening and supporting you are evidence of his caring.

[unaluna]

Women always joke about yucky it would be to date a male gynecologist, I am starting to feel the same way about male T's, whereas before I thought I NEEDED someone who had perfect insight into the human psyche. Now that I am being braver and really talking about my "romantic feelings towards my T" (2 sessions in a row now!), about, as he puts it, "why I don't ask you to be my girlfriend", and why I think that is the only "proof" of his love for me, when he has done so much for me, and been through so much with me. Honestly, this relationship has lasted longer than either of my marriages, he knows me better than those two fools, and i've probably gotten more hugs! l0ve is...

[learning1]

I wonder if the people who said an unqualified yes noticed the part of your post where you suggested you wanted more than a patient/doctor relationship. I think your t definitely cares but I don't think he cares more than a doctor/client relationship.

[pbutton]

To me it sounds like he cares about you in a doctor/patient way. This is a good thing.

[MASIMO]

I was trying to draw him out. Expecting he would say something
like I care for you as my patient so as to not allow me to read into
his response anything more. He knows I am attracted to him and
has professed love for him. Yet, his reply did not do that.
So, I question his true feelings. I know he care about me.
And yes, I know it's not right, but I'm still interpreting it as meaning
more.

[MASIMO]

I was trying to draw him out. Expecting he would say something
like I care for you as my patient so as to not allow me to read into
his response anything more. He knows I am attracted to him and
have professed love for him. Yet, his reply did not do that.
So, I question his true feelings. I know he care about me.
but I'm still interpreting it as meaning
more.

Originally Posted by MASIMO

I was trying to draw him out. Expecting he would say something
like I care for you as my patient so as to not allow me to read into
his response anything more. He knows I am attracted to him and
have professed love for him. Yet, his reply did not do that.
So, I question his true feelings. I know he care about me.
but I'm still interpreting it as meaning
more.

Honestly, there is absolutely nothing in his reply that implies anything more than he cares about you as your therapist. Try not to delude yourself into thinking it is more. You'll just end up regretting it. He's your therapist. You are his client. That is the way it should be.

[Betty_Banana]

I was just thinking....of course a t isn't going to say no, they don't care when asked. Can you imagine if they did?

I personally would never ask such a question for that reason.

It sounds to me it's just a professional/obligatory kind of caring. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[unaluna]

Masimo, why did you go into therapy to begin with? have you talked about what your feelings MEAN therapeutically, or are you afraid to l0se him if you do? For me, it always goes back to, what was your relationship like with your mother? I am guessing you were not close, and I think this T is having a hard time getting through to you, as mine have with me. if he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend, nothing else counts. whose idea is that, really? For me, it's my parents' old country (italian) values, they would have married me off at 14 if they could have, and be done with me. I am CONSTANTLY - well, at least once a week - it slips out of my mouth that my T should marry me because of some coincidence. THEN I would have some self-worth. But by whose standards? And frankly, I like my previous T better than this one - he's more my 'type'! So how seriously can I take my feelings? And that may be how your T sees your feelings - this may be the first time it's happened to you, but it's not the first time it's happened to him? I am just trying to say, I suffer too like you, and hope my thoughts help you.

[MASIMO]

I understand the origin of my feelings. I am married to an abusive man.
My therapist gives me everything I dont get from my husband except
a sexual relationship. Not hard to understand the transference. Who wouldn't fall in love with someone who give me so much. Makes me actually feel good about myself. But my feelings of love are real regardless of all the psychobabble.

Yes, I would like to think he has romantic feelings for me. I know that
is wrong to wish for. I am going on my instincts. A woman knows when
a man is attracted to her. The looks, the little flirtations, how it feels
to hug him. When I told him I loved him he got quite upset saying,
"I cant bring you into my life, I wont do it" It's unethical, illegal, it would
be catastrophic" I had him quite riled up. And he is right. And my gun
toting husband would probably shoot us.

But what he doesn't come out and say, I will mention again, is that what
I am sensing from him, is normal caring for a patient that he has worked with for 4 years, for a human being, who happens to be a woman, and indicate in a tactful way that his feelings are not of a sexual nature or romantic nature. Maybe he is afraid to hurt me, but letting me feel what
I do for him should be addressed. He should let me know he is not interested....and that I'm just a patient.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

I understand the origin of my feelings. I am married to an abusive man.
My therapist gives me everything I dont get from my husband except
a sexual relationship. Not hard to understand the transference. Who wouldn't fall in love with someone who give me so much. Makes me actually feel good about myself. But my feelings of love are real regardless of all the psychobabble.

Yes, I would like to think he has romantic feelings for me. I know that
is wrong to wish for. I am going on my instincts. A woman knows when
a man is attracted to her. The looks, the little flirtations, how it feels
to hug him. When I told him I loved him he got quite upset saying,
"I cant bring you into my life, I wont do it" It's unethical, illegal, it would
be catastrophic" I had him quite riled up. And he is right. And my gun
toting husband would probably shoot us.

But what he doesn't come out and say, I will mention again, is that what
I am sensing from him, is normal caring for a patient that he has worked with for 4 years, for a human being, who happens to be a woman, and indicate in a tactful way that his feelings are not of a sexual nature or romantic nature. Maybe he is afraid to hurt me, but letting me feel what
I do for him should be addressed. He should let me know he is not interested....and that I'm just a patient.

maybe ask him right out do you have sexual feelings for me.he wouldn't have a choice but to answer directly.then you will know without a doubt and you can deal with it as it is

[MASIMO]

If I were a Therapist, and I knew a patient had erotic feelings and a huge
dependence on me, and had declared her love for me, and I received an
email from her, "Do you care about me" I would be pretty careful how I
responded to her. I would not want to mislead her in any way, I would not want to leave my answer subject to interpretation, and I would do so
clearly and firmly but in a way to hurt her as little as possible.

I'm too chicken to ask him right out if he is sexually attracted to me
therefore my beat around the bush question about caring. I would think
he would have read between the lines and responded that it was just a
professional/patient/therapist way of caring.

Guess I'm beating a dead horse.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

indicate in a tactful way that his feelings are not of a sexual nature or romantic nature. Maybe he is afraid to hurt me, but letting me feel what I do for him should be addressed. He should let me know he is not interested... and that I'm just a patient.

Getting back to therapy, your feelings should not be dependent on what his feelings are, if that's what you're getting at? Would you take different steps in your life if he said something about he felt towards you? Otherwise, he SHOULD let you feel for him what you do, and work through those feelings, until you see him less as your savior and perhaps more as your guide through this difficult time in your life as you attempt to leave your abusive husband and find a better life for yourself. You are looking for a safe easy way to leave - T gives the word, he takes the responsibility, but he loses everything. If T says nothing, as he is now, you must act on your own, and you risk everything. So you are being disingenuous when you say you just want a "tactful" little yes or no; his response has huge implications, both IRL or therapeutically. I'm going through the same thing, I get it. Except for the gun-toting husband part. But I have psych-savvy girlfriends very disdainful of these fantasies.

[Travelinglady]

Even if he IS attracted to you physically, and I'm not saying that isn't possible, I suggest you not bring that up. It sounds like he's already told you that he could never act on it even if he did. Of course, as you say, you feel like he's the man for you. After all, he is trained to try to help give you what you need. I fear you are setting yourself up to get your feelings hurt. I know you don't want to hear this, but if these feelings for him start overwhelming his ability to help you, then you might need to talk to him about THAT and possibly be prepared to move on.

[pbutton]

One important thing to consider is the specific question that you asked him. You asked him if he cared about you. I'm sure most T's care about their clients, so of course he's going to say yes.

You didn't ask him if he was sexually or romantically interested in you. He answered the question that you asked him, which was about caring.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by MASIMO

If I were a Therapist, I would be pretty careful how I
responded to her. in a way to hurt her as little as possible.

I'm too chicken to ask him right out if he is sexually attracted to me
therefore my beat around the bush question about caring. I would think
he would have read between the lines and responded that it was just a
professional/patient/therapist way of caring.

Guess I'm beating a dead horse.

Masimo, this is SO important. Please don't think I'm minimizing your feelings or picking on you. I have been stepping thru this minefield myself, trying to figure out what part of my feelings are real, what part of what I am saying to my T is the truth. That is all that matters.

You say, if you were the therapist - yes. Then you would NOT relieve this tension, for how does that help the patient grow? The tension IS one of their tricks - they will never relieve it, you must do it yourself. This tension, if you can work through it, can tolerate it, can stand the embarrassment of it WITH ONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU and will NOT let you fall - it's like ice-skating, it looks so scary, but with someone supporting you, you can glide across the pond, you won't fall, and you won't be embarrassed. Ask the questions you are shy to ask and learn from them. They only apply to the therapy room.

It's kind of like having a baby - it's the most common thing in the world, yet when it happens to you, it's the most special thing ever and it's like it never happened before.

You won't HAVE to leave your husband if you find these things out about yourself, maybe the dead horse you speak of is your marriage. So many people are here for you, truly.

[Liam Grey]

He "care". He (and every other T) obviously do: he's (they are) paid to care.

Drawn your own conclusions.