Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something...Part XXXIII

Thank you It's not my own pattern, but I certainly put a lot of love into stitching it.

I think my T will like it. He likes... y'know... trees 'n' s**t.

I have finished mounting it in the hoop now. My blanket stitch skills are embarrassing. I hope he will forgive that!

That's beautiful!

It's really impressive and lovely! I'm sure he'll appreciate the time that went into it and that it involves trees 'n' s**t

Very nice, I'm sure t will love it.

Teeeee,

One, it struck me as odd that you complimented me. I appreciated the comment on a human level, especially since I've felt self conscious about this particular thing today. Just that I don't know that I've ever had a therapist compliment me in such a way before. I don't think it was inappropriate, just different and unexpected.

Two, I ended up going like, 3/4 potato right before bed. Now just trying to settle down.

Three, and finally, I'm glad I decided to schedule next week after all.

Daisy.

Lulabelle, we need to talk a lot more about that drama triangle thing. I've just been doing some reading on this one website and coming to the realization that my starting place so to speak on the triangle is victim. I realize that because I witnessed myself DOING the victim thing when I was talking to my insurance agent earlier. I decided to call her back w/out h here, to handle it myself, but damn, I very quickly began acting like the helpless victim and she told me she'd get in touch with the other insurance company for me. I should have done that instead of acting all helpless. Omg L I need to get OFF this triangle and I don't even know how.

What does this mean? (And yes, I googled it.)

Welp, you've got a good diagnosis and you want to change, so I would say your chances are excellent.

will you hate me when I tell you? if I tell you?

Oh, capt...

Thank you for finding the words. That's where I am at the moment.

___________

Again:

Where the hell are you?
When can I expect to hear from you?

In addition: do you have any idea what this is doing to me?

Dear T,

I actually woke up happy today. I don't think i'm actually missing
you and I'm stuck not counting the days. I feel stronger. I'm coping better than I thought I would.

It feels kinda odd because I haven't felt like this in a while.Just mainly less heavy. This bit might sound " woooo", but I've been sleeping with a meditation tape on for the past 5 days and i've using another one twice a day. I think the reason i'm not a crying mess is because of that.

About 6 months ago, you told me to draw my feelings, to use drawing as a way of expressing stuff that I can't verbalize.

Somehow I lost my feelings again back then.

Now they're back. So I started scribbling dreams, thoughts, feelings.

I think that the results are disturbing.

The actual saying is to go full potato. To full potato is to go completely stupid. T and I have started using the potato scale to measure my external emotional output compared to my internal emotional experience. So last night I didn't go full potato, just most of the way.

I hate other clients posting positive reviews
You're MINE

this is hard level adult mode

Lol so relatable. Although with me I just can't stand women clients

Me too
Especially young women

Please please please be able to meet today.

I love you...

Ugh. I don’t know what to do, I wish you could tell me what you think my best option is. Do I report it? Would the cops laugh at me for reporting something so stupid? I bet they wouldn’t take me seriously. Is it even worth it? I don’t care that he did it to me, but I just don’t want him to leave someone else feeling like this if I can prevent it.

I think you do care, SummerTime12, and that's completely reasonable. I do not know what the cops would do, but maybe if they interviewed him, it would at least scare him a bit.

Is he licensed as a massage therapist? (Or whatever he technically is, like chiropractor, etc.) If so, maybe you could report him to the licensing board rather than the police?

Dear T:

Turned down work today because I don't want to compromise the next two months where I have protected time from work. I really wish people wouldn't ask me to do things that have to be done in the next two weeks. I feel guilty but I'd like that to inform my decisions rather than decide them.