Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something...Part XXXIII

Well that was awful.

I found old photos of you... Facebook search algorithms are quite good. Two photos from your friends where the posts are public and with you tagged. Even as a twenty something, you look so happy and radiant with your friends.

god you people are just plain evil.

don't worry bout me t

haha not that you do anyway

I bet he does.

I just can't handle all of this anymore. I want to disappear.

Dear t, art t, and mom (she's not a t but needs to be included),

It's been about 6 weeks I've been out of the toxic friendship you all convinced me to drop. I was very reluctant at first since since I have few friends and have known the now former friend for 3 years. But t and art t, you kept convincing me anyway and helped me see what I wouldn't have seen on my own for probably a much longer amount of time after more damage had been done. And mom, thanks for telling me my former friend is an idiot, t and art t were too polite to say that but it was helpful to hear. When I first left I kept missing my former friend. I thought about her almost everyday thinking I'd made the wrong decision. Being six weeks free now I realize it totally was a great decision, I can't believe how much better I feel. So thank you and I wish I'd listened to you all sooner but better late than never. Art t, since we aren't working together right now I can't tell you this but wish I could. I have your e-mail but don't want to bug you.

-Butterfly

Dear T,
I felt cared for by you yesterday. Like you're personally affected by my struggles with anxiety. That you don't just want to help me because it's your job and I pay you, but like you're personally invested in me. And that means a lot. So, thanks.
--LT

No words. Just feelings.

Feeling out what feels true and right for me. I feel open to the many possibilities, and glad to be at this space where peace and happiness swirl about me. Lucky.

Never mind...

hey I put $60 in your mailbox

I wanted to spend it on H. like real bad

did I make the wrong choice? lol

kill me.

PS you're welcome.

Omg i fcking hate you

'I wanted you to know that I put up a fight
But everything goes missing when they dim the lights'

See you tomorrow. Be nice.

Hi M.

I miss you, even though you don’t seem real to me right now.

I hope you have an amazing trip and the weather is beautiful for you.

I’m cooking tonight for the holiday tomorrow. That will keep me busy and occupied. It’s something that I like to do, so I will consider it doing something for me.

I want to be brave next week and do something I was not ready for last week. I feel like there is something there but I need your help sorting it out.

Have a great 4th and I’ll see you next week!

Thank you M!

Trail.

I've been obsessing about you non stop for 3 days now

can you imagine. it's maddening. I hate it. I hate you. I want it to stop

please let me think about something else. literally anything else is fine. please

I can't go on like this

I still miss you... just two more days and I can see you. You better be there.

I hate therapy. Sometimes I wish I could quit. Not because of the hour I'm with you, but for the 167 hours I'm not.

I guess you got my last post and made it stop

thank you

I'm still doing really bad. I'm so depressed. I can't stop crying.

I forgot to tell you before I left on 6/21 to enjoy your trip!! It's kinda funny that we're both traveling to our hometowns at the exact same time! I'm SO looking forward to seeing my sisterfriends!!!

Hey T. hate me, la la la. When you asked why, I was confused. I don't know why! i Just do!

Also, I have no one to talk to. The next 5 days may be excruciating bc while I need a break from my job, i have nothing to fill it on my days off.

I hate me, T. I do. Why do I keep trying?

I never say this but god you can be so damn adorable. Today was just the best. You cracked me up with your "effort" on my phobia. Amazing.

Sorry my little turd of a dog spilled water again LOL.... so glad you are way chill with it though.