Traumatic Avoidance

I’m in search of some good resource to understand traumatic avoidance.

I’ve looked on line and haven’t really found one that is up to date or is not connected to PTSD. Complex PTSD is more of what I feel like I am working through and that might be a different thing.

I would welcome, very much, if anyone has worked through this themselves and would like to share your experience.

I mean really, it only makes sense to me that someone would want to avoid memories, images or feelings associated with trauma. I get it though that healing can’t happen as long as the avoidance is happening.

I’m not purposely doing it. There is a part of me that is preventing it. It’s preventing me from seeing what I need to see and feel.

I would value anything you would like to share, resource wise or experience with it.

Thank you!
Trail

Traumatic avoidance? Hmmm I wonder if that is what happened to me when I was poked and prodded and whisked away into surgery for a hysterectomy 8 years ago and I can not bring my self to go back to the doctors so what is left of my lady parts have never been check again.

Well to put it "lightly", I believe I was happiest when I never use to think about it. And things started to get out of hand (still is) when I was diagnosed and the late night internet search would keep me from doing the things I love..little things

Sure, I have a broader perspective on it, just not useful with my recovery.

Avoidance like ignoring it? Well then it's fine.

Sorry, brain fart now. Got go

It's natural to feel like that I think. If those things are painful we're going to want to avoid them or not repeat them. I don't know of any good resources , but from my own experiences returning to places where I've been triggered and feeling like you've overcome it , trauma makes you feel like it's still happening or it will happen again and brings up those old memories , then " Oh , it was OK "! Really difficult though I know. Hugs.

Phobic avoidance of traumatic contents (of the mind) is the cornerstone of dissociative disorders. They are basically constructed out of the need to avoid the trauma!

In my therapy we have had protectors that have refused to let us get close to the traumatized parts. My T has been using Family systems therapy and adapted EMDR techniques to work with those parts in an attempt to find out how and why they need to protect us. Every time we do it we successfully work with another level of protectors and get more access to the traumatic memories. Once we are able to communicate with them more effectively their reason for "refusal of entry" is very easily solved.

If you try googling "phobic avoidance in dissociation" and "family systems therapy protectors" you might find some interesting books or articles.

I wanted to add the reasons for preventing us from accessing the trauma stuff are usually based around our protection, even when initially it doesn't seem that way. We have protectors who just shut everything down (like turning the lights off, nothing can be seen) and others who are aggressive bullies who attack us internally if we get too close to something. Both kinds of protectors, who seemed to us to be very powerful, large, looming an terrifying, turned out to be children. Scared children.

All is not always as it first appears.
Approach them with love!

Traumatic avoidance I wonder about this with me, partly re some medical stuff I don’t even want to say what it is..

I’m so sorry that happened to you!

That sounds very traumatic and I hope you find a healing for it.

I myself have not been to a doctor for that reason and I hope for healing for me too.

Thank you!

My stuff didn’t really start being an issue with me until I had a wake up.

That’s when things started coming into my vision and I have had to work through it.

Avoidance is usually the first reaction but there’s no freedom there. That’s how I feel anyway.

For me, when I woke up, ignoring it wasn’t an option for me. It won’t let me.

Thank you!

Going back is hard.

I really do not want to encounter this but I have to in one way or another.

A part of me really wants to be in that place to say “Oh, it was ok”.

Yes!

I can relate to everything you have said.

I work very easily with the family system and I’ve don’t EMDR.

“(like turning the lights off, nothing can be seen) “

This is my story right here. That’s what happens and that’s what I’m trying to work through.

It’s disturbing on so many levels. There is no truth or validation for the feelings I have or the numbness to try and invalidate/deny what I can’t see.

Thank you for the google suggestions. I’m going to look those up tomorrow.

Thank you also for reminding me that she’s alone and afraid. It’s hard to remember that when everything is feeling so out there.

My analytical part kicks in and wants answers. It doesn’t mean harm. It dives in looking for answers and scares everybody!

I’m sorry that you have that in your heart.

I have some very bad medical stuff in my mind also that I don’t want to talk about.

(((kind and understanding hug)))

Everything for me seems to be reduced to needing to feel safe and needing to feel loved, neither of which I seem able to achieve

Trailrunner....here where I am traumatic avoidance means....

Traumatic.... anything that a person feels is upsetting, uncomfortable, triggering, painful, stressful, could cause them mental or physical injury....

Avoidance.... purposely staying away from something, not talking about something, not doing something.....

Example heights are traumatic for me. i find heights to be scary, stressful, upsetting to me. I avoid as much as I can anything that has to do with high places. I even need to take an anxiety medication if I need to fly in an air plane other wise I avoid flying and take bus's, taxi's, trains to get where I need to go.

a person doesnt have to have any mental disorders (ex ptsd or dissociation or others) at all to have traumatic avoidance. they just have to have something in their life that is upsetting and stressful. I know someone who has traumatic avoidance of children and refuses to have children. not because they have a mental or physical health problem they just are uncomfortable around children, being around children is stressful for her. when you think about it normally children are stressful.. they are running all over the place, getting into gosh knows what, and making messes and hard to reason with. this friend of mine does not feel comfortable around children and made a point of making sure they could not even accidentally get pregnant, this person avoids children because she does not want to expose herself to needless stress and feeling uncomfortable needlessly.

that said there is a therapy approach around for those that do want to get rid of their avoiding anything that makes them feel uncomfortable be it children, animals, insects, heights, what ever....doesnt matter if you have a mental or physical health problem or not.....what ever it is that you are avoiding because doing it, saying it, or being near it causes you stress and uncomfortable ness.... its called exposure therapy. its where you do, say or go around what ever you are avoiding in small amounts of time. this will over time help you to feel more comfortable with what ever it is.

I personally do not subject myself to being around anything that makes me uncomfortable, it doesnt matter if its that animal that makes me uncomfortable, heights or even posts anywhere online.

I can't say that traumatic avoidance has ever been my issue. On a contrary, I'd always jump at any opportunity to dig out any painful memory/experience, any darkest feeling within myself that could help me to shed light on my struggles and to find solutions. And, because I was so eager to turn every stone, I overdid it to the point that instead of healing I traumatized myself further on many levels.

As a result, I do avoid accessing my psychic material forcefully. I still do the work of accessing it in indirect way - through reading whatever I find relevant to my situation. But lately I had the need to get deep again because I felt that I needed to release something that has a hold of me or my stress would never go away. I had a bodywork session and it did wonders. It released a lot of deep seated emotions in the much safer way - without the need to discuss it with anyone and without putting all that sensitive material out there for some "expert" a.k.a therapist to "interpret" a.k.a judge.

I've done a lot of bodywork in the past and it's always been much more therapeutic for me than psychotherapy. It allowed my unconscious material to come forward in a much softer, safer and more natural way. I'd often journal about what came up for me afterwards and I'd talk with my husband about it. But for that effect to take place you really need to find a bodyworker who is very good at what they do and who understands the mind-body connection well.

I'm thorough traumatized and want to avoid tomorrow. Can I change someone's mind, probably can it just add to the viligance and confidence that is getting hard to build back up.

I am going to not AVOID tomorrow! Good luck

Thank you!

I’ve heard that body work can be very good. It really makes sense after I’ve read how trauma is stored in the body and I do believe that.

My counselor has suggested it also.

I do not like being touched and especially by someone that I am not close to or in a personal relationship with.

I was actually bold enough to reach out to a friend/social friend that does essential oil body application. It’s done in the back, neck and feet.

I shared a bit of where I was and she suggested a hand oil application to start with and then work up to my back.

It didn’t go so well.

I dissociated and talked non stop about things I can’t even remember.

That is a goal maybe down the road a bit.

Thank you!

Oh, I see. Yes, I know some people who don't like being touched, so bodywork is not an option for them. In that case, I'd suggest to do anything that produces sensory experiences such as doing something with clay or mud, walking barefoot on any natural surface (grass, sand, mud, soil), doing a little self massage with therapeutic oils (it's good to warm up the oil for a better effect), swimming (water is amazing for relaxation). It's also great if you can completely lose yourself in doing some artwork, dancing, playing music. Literally anything that can take you away from your mind and merge you with your senses is the most therapeutic thing in my experience. If you can do it and the experience becomes spontaneous, some unexpected emotions may emerge. They could be both enjoyable and painful, but, whatever they are, it'll be safe to experience them like that.

By the way, when it comes to essential oils, you need to be careful with their body application. I've read that they are not safe to apply directly on the skin in their pure form. But if you mix a few drops into a lotion or a body oil then you can apply it to the skin safely. Also keep in mind that they have to be high quality therapeutic grade made from organic plants to have a real effect.

Essential oils work great for aroma therapy. You can get a candle holder that has an essential oil burner and do your aroma therapy at home that way. You can also do it by dropping a few drops of oil in the boiling water or humidifier/water diffuser. Look it up online. You'll find many ways to use essential oils

My T says you have to work with the blocking part(s) but i think you knoow this.

Bodywork does not have to involve being touched. My therapist uses an embodied relational approach and knows I have problems with touch but we still do bodywork, all that you are describing is still bodywork.

My T taught me a lot about this. We build elaborate defenses for trauma our mind just says NO CANT HANDLE, but repressing the trauma takes a lot of energy and vitality. It doesn't just disappear into the unconscious at no cost. However, when defenses get dismantled, especially disassociative ones, we can feel reattacked/ retraumatized bc the memory slices are unmetabolized/ undigested. It is like pockets of the real experience are there, and it is pretty terrifying if you're not ready for it, and even if you are. Nightmares and intrusive memory fragments are the brain's way of saying HEY don't let THAT happen again. There are several theories about how best to process these images and memories, but it takes so much courage and endurance. It is definitely true that mindfulness can help get distance- yes, there are scary memories filling my head, but it is an activity of my brain, not me, and I can watch from a distance like fireworks in the sky five miles away. Prolonged exposure therapy is another approach, EMDR is one. It is really hard.

I know there is a specific psychotherapy approach that focuses on the body, but it does so mostly through talking about client's bodily postures and sensations and making connections between those and their emotions. So, yes, it might be considered bodywork as well.

I don't want to argue over definitions. If something feels like bodywork to you then it's bodywork to you.