Couch 172: Couch me if you can

Yes he did. He apologized at the end but it didn't feel sincere and to me just felt tacked on. He didn't have to say or do anything other than just give me the space to let me cry, and i would have forgiven him eventually like all the times before, but it's unrealistic that it's demanded from me.

I just got back from the house the day before and had a whole week to be told that I was rubbish, a mistake and sworn at amongst other things. I wanted him to be softer and more gentle- but i felt like I was being attacked, my child parts shut down and I find it hard to talk because I can't.

The look at what i'm offering sounded just like something my father would say. I'd still have to pay for the session on the 31st and he earns some extra spending money. I'm not against T's going on holidays but i wanted a plan in place. I brought up email contact at an arranged time, we talked about it but he never agreed to it. He was the one who said I was special and had oh so much value and that I mattered , I feel like he twisted that around too.

I'm glad it went well. I can understand your hurt. Let him stay- the surgerys been hard on you too, you've gained a day to focus just on yourself and your needs.

((Lemoncake))

Thanks I liked his response too. Except at first I misunderstood the drink thing to be assuming I was having alcohol. Had to get a second opinion on meaning. It's a weird turn of phrase. It's a nice response though.

Happy belated, Echos. I agree, a very weird phrase, but a very lovely sentiment.

Seems I was needed last night. I need to teach someone else how to Bob. I only say it in the most loving way, Art.

I doubt I'll be able to go back to sleep, even though it's properly the middle of the night. I'm tired of seeing and saying the words "cycle day one." If I'm doing my math correctly, my IUI this cycle will likely be on the first day of school for students. I wonder how big of a gasket my principal is going to blow when I tell him I'm going to have to take that full day off.

I should probably not. I should wait, or just do a timed cycle. I don't know.

Thanks daisy

Well, you are holding a sharp, pointy object.

Thanks, Lemon. He ended up sending a caring response. It helps to know he has faith in me to get through things--it feels different than ex-MC or ex-T.


"Hi LT,
I'm sorry that you're having such a strong emotional reaction to your insights - but you most certainly will get through it, and I will do my part to help and support you. You may want to journal some of these thoughts, and do some deep breathing/mindfulness exercises to quiet your mind and body. Keep in mind that you are safe and that you have survived and conquered many challenges - and you'll do the same with this challenge."

Pathetic self pitying.

Hugs...I don't think you're a weirdo or that you should give up on therapy all together. Are you still seeing a different T while your T is gone? See how it goes with them.

That's a very sweet response. I would further suggest writing that out by hand on a card and keeping it somewhere where you can see that everyday.

I emailed asking if I could see him today, but he said he didn't have any free sessions. I didn't want to scare him off by telling him I needed to see him much sooner as I'm feeling very dysregulated and all over the place. D offered to see me sooner at 7pm on tuesday which I've accepted.

R offered to see me on tuesday at my normal time of 11.40am despite being away not sure if I should just let it be or turn up yet.

Only a couple more hours until I go to this place. OMG. I haven't even started packing yet. It seems tje longer i put it off, i can pretend this isn't real and isn't happening.

how on earth am i going to catch up on PC?!

That's a good idea.

Hugs, Velcro. Do you know how long you're staying there? And do they not let you look at your phone or otherwise see the Internet?

Good luck, Velcro. We'll leave the light on for you.

My update: therapist replied last night, was probably just busy and didn't want to send a quick reply.

to everyone who wants.

Can I get pocket riders for t this morning? There's something I've really got to tell her but I'm afraid I'll look like a fool. But I should tell her, right? Surely she can handle it, I hope.

We’ll give you a recap when you get back. You know, like:

On “As the Couch Turns” last week:

Unaluna said something nobody understood.

Stopdog expressed doubts about the validity of therapy and the sanity of therapists.

CantExplain rattled off some funny one-liners.

Lemoncake studied for an exam.

ATAT discovered a weird new flavor of Oreos. Etc.

I'll hop in, Butterfly.

Thank you LT.

Omg I'm dead! That's us in a nutshell!!



But LT,Daisy,Anne and Scarlett are the Roz and Daphne of the show.

Minimum 5 days, up to 15 (please god i hope i don't need that much). I am TERRIFIED, and also...feel like i made myself sound worse than i am? I mean I am not actively suicidal...so probably isnt the place for me. My T disagrees wholeheartedly, but...I don' know. STILL haven't started packing.

No phone usage, but there is a computer. But it is one computer for like 10-15 people, so I don't know if I will be able to get on here.
lol! I need someone to take shorthand notes for all the important bits.

You're braver than I, velcro. I don't think I could do it. I hope it's an empowering experience for you.

+ me

I'll hop in too, Butterfly.