Couch 173: The Odiferous One

I wish we had even 1/4 of the options you all do over there. There are all sorts of cool campervans in the UK and Europe.

I bet if you took a Couch poll Blondie’s net favorability rating would be -30, minimum.

Do you know what it is that that she doesn't like?

I think it's that she has to spend more time sitting, where she's generally quite active. She seemed to have issues with a different art camp we did earlier in the summer, but really liked a gymnastics camp and this other one that had a whole mix of activities. They're supposed to go swimming two days a week in this one, but were only able to go one day last week because of weather.

Would it be possible for the camp leaders to make special adjustments for her to help her settle in?

R's been stupid and sent me an email that literally made me go all stupid and mushy on the inside.I literally went from hating him to going "awww" like a fan girl.

Maybe? H warned them about it when he dropped her off the first time last week, and they know she's on the spectrum. At camps through a different local provider, they were able to give her a free "companion" to be there with her, but don't think this organization does that.

H went to urgent care last night, so I locked him out of the bedroom for 2 hrs. I really would leave him if I could, even if for only a few days. I know I said my vows, but this is too much for me. I'm so broken down. Maybe I should go to a crisis house even if to escape my H for a little while. I don't really want to though. I get home sick real bad, and I am supposed to have my surgery sometime soon.

Sorry to keep ranting about my H. I have no place to turn to.

No need to apologize scarlet, it all sounds like an awful lot to deal with.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you need to look after yourself first right now and try to recover. Could you book 1 or 2 nights away at a hotel to get some space?

Today I (hypothetically) asked my T what she would do if I went out to the parking lot after our session and smashed out all the windows in her car. She quickly glanced out the window and then laughed and said she honestly had no idea what she would do. That... kind of felt like a win, somehow...?

I don't know. We don't have much money since H hasn't worked in 2 years. That and my H has racked up $5k+ of medical bills (not including surgery). We're actually going to have to take a loan out on the house. I'll talk to my T about it. Luckily I get to see her today.

I could be wrong, but I think it wouldn't be so hard on me if the doctors did find something wrong. But to go to ER after ER, doctor after doctor, and they can't find anything wrong is so infuriating. My H has had MRI's, CT scans, and ultrasounds, on almost every part of his body: from the torso up to the brain. They have looked for stroke, tumors, gallstones, etc. Now he thinks his adnoids and tonsils need to be removed, that he had a mini heart attack, and he has a blood clot in his arm. Oh, and he thinks something's wrong with his stomach and lungs. He's only 36! Never smoked or did drugs, rarely drinks, and for the most part he's in good health.

Today, I was browsing in a local shop when I was accidentally elbowed in the back of the head by a member of staff. I was so far out of it that I had no idea what had happened until he said 'Oh! I'm so sorry! Are you OK?'

This sounds like 2ex in his year of health issues, symptoms, often contradictory, ranging all over his body, utter conviction that he had x one week, then y the next week. Nothing was ever found to be wrong. Looking back, the causes were almost certainly psychological (stress and a then-undiagnosed mental illness). Is that possible here?

(((Scarlet))) thats what i was gonna ask. But doesnt he have some alphabetical thing wrong with him, i forget what you said before.

I think so. I think he developed health anxiety/hypochondriac. I do believe he feels pain, but he is over-exagerating it. And if someone suggests something, then he automatically has those symptoms. Like a doctor last night said he had large tonsils and adenoids, and now all of a sudden he has a sore throat. He also looks up his symptoms online and diagnoses himself. Like he has ringing in the ears and dizziness, so he diagnosed himself with vertigo. Yesterday he drove twice, today he claims it's unsafe for him to drive, and now the cleaning lady has to take him to 2 appointments today. I think the last 2 weeks, he's been seen by a medical professional every day. It's exhausting.

Wpw- Wolff Parkinson's White. But he just had surgery to fix it. And the ekg shows it's fixed.

Some Ts would talk you through it. "Let's imagine you do that. Do you do it boldly or by stealth? What tool do you use? Tell me, step by step, window by window. What do you see? What do you feel? How do I react?"

Over-exagerating. And maybe faking. I don't know. He was fine 3 months ago. And technically, he's healthier now than he was. He's lost weight, got his diabetes under control, his wpw is fixed. How can someone who is healthy all of a sudden have multiple things wrong with them? At 36? And some of those problems being super rare like stroke, brain tumor, etc.

My husband had some serious health anxiety (hypochondriac?) issues too. It is extremely frustrating to have to listen to the same complaints over and over. Fortunately in my situation, he was also afraid of doctors and refused to go even though I would beg him to just so he would see that he was okay, so at least I didn't have massive health care bills to deal with. I'm sorry you're having to deal with his stress.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, Scarlet. This mostly started 3 months ago? Is there something that could have set him off at that time? Like...one thing that came to mind is your working toward getting pregnant. Is it possible that's freaking him out and just showing up as health anxiety? (Not that it excuses how he's acting, just a thought.) Any chance he'd be willing to see a therapist, even just for a few sessions, whether alone or with you?

And I'd worry that your insurance would have an issue with covering so many ER and urgent care visits without an actual diagnosis. Especially since you're already having to take out a loan on the house. Sure, there are some health conditions that are very hard to diagnose, like the stuff on Mystery Diagnosis. But the fact that his symptoms keep moving around seems to suggest something psychological. I'm guessing you've talked to your T about this--what does she think?

2ex was scared of going to doctors (despite being one) but insisted on going with me along as a kind of protector figure. Having to work full time while dealing with him was like having 3 jobs at once.

Scarlet, would he see a psychiatrist?

(((Scarlet))) it's so hard to deal with. My h went through a long period of hypochondria where he worked less than part time and obsessively watched medical shows and diagnosed himself with everything from colon cancer to flesh-eating disease and the doctor never found anything wrong. Well except one ER visit they diagnosed mild arthritis in his knee. (Yeah, you're 60 hello). His was surely caused by depression he refused to see doc for. It got better when we bought current house almost 3 years ago, he admitted he was depressed in the trailer cuz it was so small and he hated it and was afraid he'd die there. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's so draining and also you never know if it might be something real so you can't just totally ignore it just in case. I leaned on t so much through those years w my h doing it.

I had a summer cold a few weeks ago and it was miserable, too. I agree that the heat and humidity are part of it. I also have allergy issues, and I think that was making it worse. Hope you feel better soon!

My T wants my H to find his own T. She does agree that it's at least partially health anxiety. She's trying to help me set boundaries with my H, but H isn't respecting them. One boundary we came up with was no talking about health in the bedroom. H still talks about it in the bedroom.

ETA: We've been really trying for a baby for a year now, so I don't think that set him off. The only thing that happened 3 months ago was my dad and sister moved in. That caused a LOT of stress for both of us. Maybe that stress set him off?

Probably not. Getting him to see a T is hard. Seeing a Pdoc...oye. His primary did prescribe him some anxiety meds (cause he's harassing the doctor too), but my H refuses to take them unless at night. He says they'll make him groggy. He has yet to take one.