Couch 173: The Odiferous One

She actually did say that she should have made me come weekly sooner, that maybe she'd been colluding with me in the bi-weekly thing. I am starting to see that the 'wasted time' thing is her concern, but not a judgement of me necessarily, and is absolutely not my experience of it at all. I've grown tremendously in the past going on 7 years and I need to freakin' OWN that! Not even the past 4-5 months when I could clearly see that I was only going because of my feelings for her/liking to be with her. While that is the reason I quit in June, I don't even see that as a waste of time, because I've continued losing weight and getting more physically healthy during that entire time and that's a big deal to me.

I think you're way right that it's not as big in her mind as it is in mine. She may not have even given it a second thought since I was there and I'm the only one perseverating on it.

My brain does need that sticker for sure!

I really am bothered by the way Lulabelle talks about making you do stuff. If Piaf or Info said that, they’d better hope I misheard them, because otherwise I’d be out the door.

I’m tired of people trying to make me do things. (Yes, art, this is my stuff, mainly from 2ex. Ignore me.)

She doesn't often say that, actually. Sometimes when I write something down that she's suggested she'll say "That was just a thought, it doesn't mean you have to do it". or something like that. I'm feeling generous again and wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I interpret that I'm being 'made' to do things a lot more than someone actually thinking they are making me do something if that makes any sense.

Y'know, I think life is going to start getting a lot simpler as I learn to let my feelings be my feelings, and let other people's feelings be THEIRS. I talked about that a little at the CODA meeting this evening during the sharing time. (can you believe I'm actually sharing already?)

I agree with ATAT. I think this kind of relationship dynamic would make it incredibly hard to find your own voice.

In other news. My son is out meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time this evening...

Two souls bound by love.

Me and Madame T, in fact, in happier times.

Imagine the paperwork!

Been there.

This is a classic love/hate oscillation. Your T should be trained to deal with it.

PS: If she's a bit slow, you might choose to point it out.

D crying about not wanting to go to the camp we signed her up for next week (same as she was in last week, but different from earlier in summer). We're trying to find a different camp for the two weeks after next (got at least one locked in), but feel sad she's so upset about this coming week. (It's week 2 of a 2-week camp session.) We had no way of knowing she'd like all the camps from earlier this summer better than this one...especially because one was a different art camp that she enjoyed (this is also an art camp, but run by different company). Just feel bad for her, but also, she needs to be in camp for me to get work done, go to T, etc. (If all hell breaks loose, H can take off or work from home, but hoping that won't be the case.)

My father once gave me a bit of marmite on a cracker, telling me it was chocolate.

Lulabelle makes it sound like she's bovine.

Vegemite is the Aussie version of Marmite. Equally disgusting.

I also hate the smell of Febreze. It smells like ammonia to me.

Well I did drive up her road once and see her herding her neighbor's just-escaped cow...

Yes she did.

Exciting session.

Blondie got dizzy.

It’s the second time she’s gotten dizzy in my session — first time around she was wearing a compression armband.

She insisted on getting up but I asked her to chill and then got her some water and sparkling water (she finds plain water “boring”) from the kitchen — something I’d have done for a total stranger too.

She said she’s glad I got a chance to take care of her.......

I have trouble with lots of chemical air fresheners, cleaners, etc. I eventually realized it's why I hated cleaning so much as a kid--which led to a lifelong hatred of cleaning. Stuff like Pledge and other cleaners that my parents had me use before someone was coming over, they gave me an awful headache. So I associated cleaning with headaches. I'm glad there are more natural options now, though...I still hate cleaning.

That seems like a weird comment, no?

Agh. How frustrating.

That reminds me of something that happened with my father. We’re in the US and go to CVS. Apparently CVS has coupons of some sort for most medications, and if you ask the CVS pharmacist to scan the relevant coupons, you’ll often find that the coupon discount brings the price to less than what the insurance co-pay would be. For one of my dad’s subscriptions, it was something like a couple hundred dollars difference.

Whose kitchen?

Not at all. It broadens the relationship and makes it more normal.

Well I think that's good, but some might disagree.

The office (where Blondie works) kitchen. I don’t have therapy at my place — thank gawd.

I don’t think that comment is about normalizing — although yes it could be.

I suspect it’s more to do with the usual therapist idea that clients feel the need to give back by taking care of them somehow.

I don’t disagree with that idea in theory but I am annoyed by its generic and mindless application to this situation — I’d like to believe I’m self-aware enough to know when it applies vs doesn’t (and in this case, it didn’t).

And, more still to have my therapist be nuanced and insightful enough to know that about me (rather than seeing it as a textbook situation).

Cue my annoyance.

It just seems like an asinine comment to me. Like you were just waiting with bated breath to take care of her and she was obliging you in some way.

Two sides of the same coin.

So, first I read dizzy as ditzy. This initial mistake was confirmed by her finding still water boring. (If she cares, how dizzy can she be?)

I would also have been tempted to say, “now maybe you can actually take care of me.”

I mean, surely you’ve already funded a couple more Elves on Shelves for her.

ETA: oh, and where was the compression bandage? Anywhere near anything necessary to brain function?