Crying in therapy

Does your therapist offer any type of comfort when you cry? If not, have you ever asked for it? Were you rejected? If so, did that rejection change the dynamic in your relationship?

In my experience with my therapist (of only three months) I feel like a wall goes up the second I see her. I don’t think I could cry if I wanted to. And if I did I’m not sure what kind of reaction I would want. Would I feel badly if she didn’t offer something eg. a pat on the hand or shoulder, hug etc.... Or would I feel weak if she did and I accepted?

I’m just not sure why I feel this way when it comes to her - maybe it’s because I don’t trust her?

sometimes I wish I could get a hug or a hold of the hand, or something

but I don't get that
I don't get anything, and most of the time it makes me feel afraid to express myself

I do not get hugs or any touch I sometimes get the kleenex box. It used to bother me allot because my first counsellor used to rub my back and hug me while i was crying. Now i understand the clinic has a no touch policy which is good but it's always nice to get that hug. Im just starting to cry in therapy it feels weird.

Many Ts care but wont hug because of ethics. The lines can get very blurred very fast.

I faced a similar situation but my T was compassionate and caring while still remaining where he sat. Do I long for a hug? Well sure, but I appreciate why he doesn't. Even had ugly cries after and sometimes nearly ran into him, he always shows care even if I struggle with it. Even if it still means he has to get to his next client.

Hang in there, talk about it with your T. There are plenty of Ts who care. Ethics code sometimes gets in the way.

I don't have any advice, I just want to say I empathise.

Last week, in session, I cried like I never have before. I then completely lost it when my therapist offered no physical comfort. (And then didn't help himself by asking me to describe the 'complete and total despair'.) I wouldn't say the rejection damaged trust (because I do think not touching clients is a valid decision for a therapist to make). But it's damaged my belief that my therapist can help me continue my with me on my healing journey. And it's made it harder to open up. It's also been a bit of a mindf***, because so many therapists subscribe to the view that any touch will ultimately hurt a client, or hinder their ability to process things. And after a year of trying to come around to this view, I've realised that I can't. I need touch to heal.

After the last session, I sent my therapist a text about how I can't continue without touch, and we're discussing it Wednesday. But I if I'm honest, I think there's a 98.5% chance this conversation will be the death knell of our relationship. It hurts, both because I like my therapist, and because I know how far I could go with him if he would just touch my hand.

But there seems to be a lot of people on this forum who are the same way, so it's good to know I'm not alone.

Thanks for your replies :-)

It’s hard for me because I used to have a therapist who was comforting both verbally and physically. She was an absolute professional and in my opinion gaged the needs of her patients individually. However, that was ten years ago. I re-sought therapy recently and went through about seven until I found my current therapist. I would give ANYTHING to go back to my former therapist but she died in 2015. It broke my heart deeply. I can’t help but compare my new therapist to my old one. I talk about her to the new one - probably not a good thing but I can’t help it.

I have yet to cry in therapy (been with this therapist for the past 6 months). The closest I got was to me tearing up and then making a sarcastic comment about feelings. I'm not sure how'd she handle it. Of course, being a professional, I know she'd do her job and handle it. I'd accept kleenex (though it's right in front of me) or possibly a hug. I'm not big on the whole touch thing.

I recently just cried for the first time in 7 years. I don’t like touch or physical closeness, so she stayed back and gave me space to cry. She placed a box of Kleenex close to me and waited for me to speak. For me that was the perfect reaction.

I had my first session with my new T about a week ago, and I brought up something that my previous T had me look up, and before I knew it I was crying, and she had shed a few tears. After our session she gave me a hug. I felt like she understood some of what my life has been.

The first few months I didn't cry. Then for a year or so my T just ignored it. Not that he wasn't caring when I cried, he just didn't mention it at all. We'd talk the same way as if I were not crying. Then maybe a month ago I was crying (as I have been for almost every session since I first cried), and he got up and walked to one of his closets to get some tissues and gave them to me. Now he does that every time.

Not mentioning it at first was great. I think I would have felt ashamed if he did mention it. I also do not like to be touched, and in addition to that, I think it would not be healthy for me to start hugging my T.
The tissue thing feels nice though. Although it makes me wonder why he never offered them before and also why he has them hidden away somewhere. But it doesn't feel more or less caring than not mentioning anything.

My T doesn't interrupt my crying so she usually sits there quietly until there's a break. She has tissues all over so she doesn't need to "offer" them. She's asked me once or twice if I need a hug but I decline mid-session hugs. It would be weird to me to stand up then sit down again. She validates my feelings that cause my crying and empathizes with my situations. We hug at the end of sessions usually, so she may relate that to my heavy emotions sometimes.

The two times I've cried in my current therapy, my therapist has offered some verbal reassurance that it was okay to cry, which was very welcome and comforting. I know there are tissues somewhere in the room unobtrusively (I know I noticed them once while contorting myself in some odd sitting position, though I couldn't tell you where they are), but thankfully he's never taken it upon himself to mention the tissues or hand tissues to me. I would NOT find that comforting.

The therapy experience that messed me up the most was when I was in my late twenties/early thirties. My mother had been gone for around a decade by then, and I was seeing a therapist who I was accidentally turning into the mother in my life. I cried with her, which was a new experience because my mother didn't allow much crying. My therapist was not judgmental, but she didn't offer much verbal reassurance or physical comfort. I always longed for a hug--another thing my mother did not do much of. It was a very difficult experience for me to feel so much sadness in front of a therapist who could not show any "natural" response to my feelings. It did affect the relationship because it made my "needs" from her stronger and more desperate, and it built resentment.

Many years later, when I gave therapy another try, I cried again. I loved my therapist, though she gave me the same response as the former one from my twenties. But I was a little older and had more going on in my life, so the wound was less fresh, and I was able to handle the emotional distance a lot better.

She either holds me or holds my hand or puts her arm around me.

I often cry...sometimes a lot. My therapist doesn't show any kind of emotion about it, so I just keep talking through it and do what she does--ignore it.

I never cried in therapy until I went inpatient, and then all the tears. My T in inpatient let me cry for awhile before she offered me tissues, probably bc I was wiping tears all over my shirt.

I never cried in front of the woman. She tried to get me to do so at the beginning, but that would have been disastrous.

What an odd thing for her to do. Did she tell you why she was trying to get you to cry?

My T will make sure there are tissues nearby, but otherwise she doesn't tend to comment or anything on my crying unless I do.

She was trying to make me act emotional.

For me, we keep talking and she'll offer a tissue after a while or put the box next to me.

But what the hell would that accomplish??

I dunno about these shrink-types, SD.

I believe that I am very fortunate that my new T showed me her own emotion on my very first session, bc at the very least, I know she has feelings, and is listening to what I am saying, and letting me know that She will definitely be trying to help me to understand my life, give me the skills I need to get through the hard times, and work on fixing the things that are wrong in my life now, and hopefully in the future.

Sorry to hear that. This isn't much condolence but I think therapists sometimes (like the rest of us normal humans) lose a little compassion if they feel like their "values" are being questioned. As in if part of his ethical values is no touch, then he might have a hard time having a solid rational and compassionate conversation with you about it. That doesn't make it any easier for you unfortunately