Countertransference - negative countertransference

T1 had “intense negative contertransference” for me

This is why he hurt me so much, he would never admit that of course.

His construction of “reality” is different from mine.

I do not accept that just because he was (and is) a T that he is any way superior to me, or that he is always right.

What does acting in or acting out mean, when a therapist does this?

Btw I have considered speaking to him again. Since I was somewhat of a test bear for him he would not be disinterested in hearing from me again. He never said “don’t contact me” - he never needed to.

I think T3 had counter transference towards me because she attributed to me motives that I did not have. It was a painful experience.

re: speaking to him again
It's absolutely up to you. Is your choice to decide what would be in best for you emotionally. If you have a current T it might be helpful to get their perspective, or a trusted friend who knows about the situation and knows you well enough to have some insight that we might not know enough to have.
That being said, if you think it would do more harm than good for you, it is absolutely not your obligation to do so, and protecting your own emotional wellbeing is the most important thing.

I can speak about my own experience. I waited ten years to write my old therapist. I first had the urge to do after a few years when I was quite angry and I wanted to let her know how much she had screwed up.
But I knew that if she tried gaslighting me that I would start to question myself and there were a lot of potential responses that would have hurt me again.
So I didn't. I wrote quite a few angry letters over the years that I never intended to send, but that was for myself.
It wasn't until after ten years that I felt ready. I felt ready when I knew she didn't have power over me anymore. I waited until I didn't care whether she responded or what she responded. Then I sent it for me, not for her.
I got a reply and didn't open it for almost six months. Because I didn't actually care what she had to say. I didn't need to know whether or not she was sorry, because I knew she was in the wrong and an apology or a defensive response didn't matter to me.
I recently opened it only because I wanted to contact her again to ask for records that would help me remember things for my current therapy.
Turns out the response was something that would have been incredibly invalidating and harmful for me to read five years ago. And I didn't care. I just responded to ask her for the records and didn't feel any need to insist that she acknowledge what she'd done. I just want my records.

None of that is to say you should or shouldn't contact him. Just wanted to throw it out there in case it's a perspective you can relate to and would find useful.

I’m sorry.. that sucks.

Thank you, this is helpful to me

Wise! Thank you for relating your experience.

In my negative transference toward my last therapist, I can tell from the way I felt and still feel that she was the "bad object" in my subjective interpersonal "reality". That's probably not objective reality, but it was and is my subjective reality.

I'm the patient, though -- and it took me a long time to follow instructions and "get in touch" and be able to feel that, and even to "act it out" because it had been so supressed or cut off that there were/are no words.

The T couldn't tolerate being my "bad object", though. Or that of another client she told me about.

So, yeah, I think I get it, going back to when I was a kid and my mother got enraged and I didn't like or want to be who I was in her eyes in those instances.

It really, really sucks when you become the "bad object" for your T. I didn't know how to handle it. It "broke" me again, as I was trying to piece myself together.

Is "negative counter transference" just a wanky way of a therapist saying that they don't like their client? I ask this as a client who feels that her therapist doesn't like her.

((((((( Rohag )))))

I agree, that the post is wise. And it’s helpful to me. Thanks from me too, for relating your experience. I do relate to it. I think that if I did contact him, I would no longer care much what his response (or possible lack of response) might be. So although part of his agenda appeared to be wish for power... he would no longer have power over me.

It can be.. but this “dislike” or “disinterest” does not have to be permanent.. even “bad” therapists usually aren’t “all bad”

Thanks, I can relate to this

No, I doubt it.

I like my T a lot but had strong negative transference with him at one point. I did not like him during the time when experiencing the intense emotion. Same with the past T.

In terms of negative transference, I don't think it's much different from their end except that they should manage it instead of act on it. In fact, I think some therapists have more problems with it than some clients.

They are supposed to manage it. And not act on it. I completely agree.

I'm sorry you felt so hurt by your T. I am, however, a bit confused about your description of intense negative transference your T1 had for you.

In my therapy, and from the research I've done the past three years, countertransference is likely not "for you," but is a response to who or what you remind your T of. I had very negative transference for my T for several months, at which time my T changed his way of conducting therapy with me. He told me that my negative transference was not helpful. My negative transference was not for my T, but was a response to who and what he reminded me of.

If a T has negative countertransference, it's the T's responsibility to rectify the situation, either through supervision or referring the patient out to another T.

Are you wanting to return to your T1? If he hurt you by his negative countertransference, I would simply caution you about getting back into an injurious situation.

Thanks for sharing. I agree, his countertransference wasn’t “for me” but rather, who or what I apparently reminded him of.. in his own disowned or only partially owned “stuff, past” etc. I haven’t done extensive research on transference, countertransference etc.

If I did return to T1, even for one session.. I suppose there is a possibility he could injure me again. But only if ... either or both of us somehow get sucked into some negative countertransference .. in only one session. I would think, and hope, this wouldn’t be likely .. we ended on “good” terms, at least from his point of view. And the letter he sent reflected that.. that the therapy had been a “success” - but not “transformative” - those are my words but I think they reflect what he said.. or maybe they don’t. I’m just rambling.. this may clarify things somewhat or may further confuse.. I don’t know ..

Also if I did contact him I would be much more aware of interpersonal dynamics
etc than I was when I last spoke to him. So if the conversation was very sub optimal I would exit. I am almost certain he would have no issue with me consulting him for one session, I can’t think of a reason why he might. But I would of course be careful. And if he said anything which I found unhelpful I’d say so.. in a considered response, at least I would hope that would be what would happen. And if necessary, as I said, I’d end the session early.

I don’t think he would have any power over me. If he didn’t show compassion or kindness... well that would be about him. And I would be very careful..

I could also be hurt by a completely new therapist. If I consulted T1 I would have “defences” in place.. as in fact I would with any therapist. At least those are my thoughts..

This makes a lot of sense to me.

In the last 2 years, because I've had social support in bits and pieces from several different sources, I think some cohesion/integration AND a "psychological skin" that keeps bad stuff out has been building.

If you saw T1 again, that would provide a test case for yourself. If you know you can keep the bad stuff out, then it may be that you could find the experience . . .well, interesting. Further growth-inducing. So long as your defences are in place.

If it didn't work. . .oh, well. Labrat's experience seems relevant here.

Just my thoughts.

My first T became really out of touch with reality by the end. He was projecting all sorts of things onto me, including stories about my apparent past that I never told him and they never happened to me. Using that stuff to explain to me why I had very intense negative transference to him. I don't even know where he got the stories, maybe another client, his own past, or just imagination. It was sort of amazing, but not in a good way.


Mine became very emotional and defensive whenever I challenged him in the end. Would react explosively like a hurt kid, then immediately become sentimental and manipulative. And would never take responsibility for it and turn it back onto me. I wasn't even angry anymore at times and just watched in disbelief.


I went back to mine after a year of not seeing him because he talked me into going to discuss what went wrong in my therapy. I did not feel like I needed closure or anything but was curious about it. It was a very bad idea, because he started acting the same way again and then I got stuck in wanting to take revenge for his manipulating me and all. It was hard to leave it and it got under my skin in ways it would have never happened had I not gone back. I was actually thinking that I understood how negative transference is initiated by manipulative, narcissistic people - except that mine did not happen in childhood, he started it for me right there with his behavior. I still react strongly to people showing similar things, which wasn't really the case before.

The T did not actually seem to have negative feelings for me, more the opposite, until I started challenging him and calling him out on his BS. I think that was his trigger, and it makes sense because he talks quite a bit about his messed up childhood, overly critical parents, and the mother who abandoned him on social media. None of those things happened to me, but he projected it onto me, I think. I was critical and I dumped him, twice.

One of my therapists was permanently contemptuous to everyone in the group--the Dr. Phil scoff.

Xynesthesia, speaking of Ts on social media...was this T well known?

Grrrrrrrrr

Not at all outside of the internet. He wanted (still wants) to be well-known on the web but I think he is (over)doing it very poorly and alienates many people who initially show interest. I imagine the online thing is perhaps a compensation because he could never really got known in 3D life much, for example in academic or clinical circles. Probably too insecure to even try much. As far as I could see, he does attract some interest online but very limited. And just keeps posting the same kind of stuff over and over.