Couch 181: The Symmetrical Couch

I guess not always. From what I read, endometrial cysts can keep growing and overtake the ovary. The other cyst they removed was 10cm, but that was from the fertility meds. This is a different type. I'm hoping it's not a cyst... maybe just scar tissue from the previous surgery?

LT: Remember he has ALWAYS said that he won't offer you a slot if he doesn't have it, and he is totally fine with it. Also, if you need a session, you need a session--he hasn't judged you yet for needing an extra one, I highly doubt he'll start now. <3

Thanks, Velcro, that helps to hear. And it's so stupid, but he didn't use an exclamation point in confirming my session, as he normally would, so I'm worried he's annoyed. But I also suspect that based on the content of our session, he probably wasn't completely shocked by my request. I think it's like, sometimes in session I'm a mess (like crying), and other times I'm mostly OK, and today I was OK for most of it. So I feel he thinks I'm fine. When really...I'm not. But hopefully, at this point, over a year into seeing me, he realizes that sometimes I can appear one way but be another. (I mean, it's a survival mechanism. It's the end of session, what the hell am I supposed to do? He can't keep me any longer, as much as I may want that, since he actually generally adheres to his time boundaries, unlike ex-MC. So...all that's left is for me to act like I'm OK and leave.

i feel like you've expressed that worry before, that since you *seemed* fine, you think he expects that you are and then is annoyed when not. Except, that's never been an issue for him AND as a T, he should know that people can seem outwardly much different than how they feel inside--that is like Psych 101

Yeah, that's actually something similar to what came up recently. Where I'd said at the one-year mark with him that I thought he was helping me and that I was doing better. And he agreed that I was doing better and that he saw "a budding strength in me." But he told me in session that he'd been worried to share those sorts of thoughts. Because then I might not feel comfortable telling him when I'm doing poorly, because I want him to think I'm doing well. Like my desire to be the A student. That made sense to me. So maybe I'm just afraid to tell him I'm not doing so well? That I'm really struggling with some of this? Because I don't want him to be disappointed in me, or to think he's failed me, or whatever? All stuff to think about...

(((Slumberkitty))) re over puddinged pudding cake: i hate when that happens!

Thank goodness T is getting paid for spending time with me, cuz I would say, he wasted his time, what a bust last night was. Didn't feel like a session at all. Sigh....

I have to do shipping at work today because the lady that does it is on vacation. I'm good with like regular ground shipping but when it comes to freight I'm not confident at all! This week has certainly been one of juggling different hats. I'm glad it's Friday. I could use some R & R this weekend. I've been really anxious this morning for some reason. Deep Breaths. I don't think it's all about work. I think I'm still having difficulty adjusting to not having therapy once a week, but more like once every three weeks. I so want to email my former T but I'm making myself wait. So all that said, good morning couch! Kit.

Had three interviews today, got invited to additional interviews by all three of them. They all sounded like they'd give me the job they offer (they weren't allowed to give job offers there due to it being an event organized by the university). I'm glad I'll probably have options, but at the same time it's hard to decide and to decline some of the offers.

Glad the interviews went so well!

Last night's session was such an epic fail. I am really hating myself today and dying to apologize to him. I hate the session limits and contact limits. I'm basically on my own like I've always been

((((DP_2017))))

I am hooked on trader joe's dried mango strips.

Looks like we are getting a purchasing person at work. Yeah! Of course, I will probably have to train him, but at least the day to day hassle of purchasing won't be my problem pretty soon. Of course this means I have less reason to get a raise but at least I showed that I was a team player by doing two jobs for over a year. Shipping today kind of stinks, but at least I don't have to do it every day and most of it has been ground shipping not freight. And knock on wood, nothing International yet. Of course, there's still 3.5 hours left of work so there could be something International and there could be more freight. But I'm trying to stay positive as there is a migraine on the horizon in my head. Trying to ward it off with happy thoughts. No more purchasing! No more purchasing! No more purchasing! Yippie. Kit.

So I was supposed to have an in-office procedure today (scheduled weeks ago).

Get all ready, lie in the hospital bed, waiting...then I am told it's not going to happen b/c the dr. is stuck in the OR in a hospital about 25 minutes away.



Really?

((((Swept, that's nuts))))

Thanks.

This after they moved my appt. from Wed. because he wasn't going to be there that day.

Well, he wasn't there today, either.

My last therapy session, I had a thought/image later about how my therapy sessions lately have been like the t and I sorting through tangled threads together as I sew myself back together. It is a lovely comforting image. I posted it in the Dear T thread, even, so I could track it. Later I ran across a tiny card with threads on the front, and on a whim I picked it up thinking I'd jot that thought down in the card and give it to her.

Except now I am looking at the card and I am reluctant to write in it and take it with me this week. I will get on over myself and do it anyway because it is intended to share a small kind thought with no more weight to it than that, and I am certain it will be received as such. But I even thought briefly, "This is dumb." Where the heck did that come from? Sheesh.

I am going to get out of my head and take my kids out for afternoon cheesecake.

Migraines Suck. Kit.

Migraines make me want to

My grandpa that is on hospice is getting worse. My parents were going to the mortuary today where my grandpa has pre-purchased his plot to see kind of what the steps are just so they can be prepared. This sucks. Kit.

Sorry you're dealing with a migraine, Kit. I'd been doing pretty well avoiding them lately, then ended up with 3 in the past week...

Sorry about your grandpa Kit. I hope he's not in pain.

And so sorry about your grandpa, too...

CHEESECAKE!!!! CHEESECAKE!!!!

(Someone mentioned that the Couch is like a room full of kindergarteners.)
I want cheesecake! I want cheesecake!

ETA: sending cheesecake to Kit. It's awesome for migraines.