[Soybeans]

This is new to me, I made sure the T I chose was patient, kind, knowledgeable, etc., and I really needed the kindness and the empathy. But now that I'm getting really attached, and transference is happening all over the place, I want my T to hurt me now... Is this normal? Sometimes I wish my T would yell at me or hit me or lose his patience and snap that I'm being a baby or something, because that feels so much more familiar than having to try to interpret his kindness session after session. Do I need to talk about this with him?

Yup. I asked T to punch me in the face a few times.
She said "that's what you were use too"

[RaineD]

My therapist used to get mad at me and yell at me at times. I interpreted his yelling and anger as him caring about me. Possibly because it felt familiar. But he never hurt me. In fact, he went to great lengths not to hurt me.

I couldn't stand a therapist who never yelled at me. But I don't want them to actually hurt me either. That's why my therapist was perfect for me, and I'm never going to find another one as great as him.

You should definitely talk to your therapist about it.

[peacelizard]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

This is new to me, I made sure the T I chose was patient, kind, knowledgeable, etc., and I really needed the kindness and the empathy. But now that I'm getting really attached, and transference is happening all over the place, I want my T to hurt me now... Is this normal? Sometimes I wish my T would yell at me or hit me or lose his patience and snap that I'm being a baby or something, because that feels so much more familiar than having to try to interpret his kindness session after session. Do I need to talk about this with him?

It's probably worth talking about, as it likely stems from the ways you and your parents or you and other family members related as a child, which isn't healthy.

I'm in a similar boat in that I'm much more comfortable and responsive to negative comments, criticism, emotional and verbal abuse, etc., than nice things.

And when my therapist or psychiatrist offers a compliment or praise, my reaction is like someone spitting in my eye — like I don't know how to handle it.

Like last week as we were leaving, my psychiatrist called me a "mensch." I'd heard it before, but didn't know exactly what it meant and couldn't respond.

Not to hurt but to be more constructively critical and challenging. Call me out on my BS. These are not necessarily bad for me, really depends how it is presented. I would not desire being hurt but I do think it is often related to what someone is used to.

[DP_2017]

Not want it but I expect it. I used to ask him often "Why are you so nice to me?" and I'd always expect some kind of punishment for saying or doing something "Wrong"

Recently I found myself in a "too familiar" situation with him, where I was talking rude to him like my family does to each other. He got upset with me, and it shocked me but my first thing was telling him that it felt like he hates me now.... he assured me that wasn't the case, we hugged still etc

Anyway we worked it out and it was weird to have someone actually not only call me out on something that upset/hurt them but to be forgiving and compassionate about it. I really needed that to happen and I now have a great sense of "Well he at least wont abandon me" because I know he will call me out and talk things through.

However, generally speaking, I still expect everyone else in my life to get angry and ignore me etc

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Absolutely. Bring it up. Its worth it.

[zoiecat]

This is totally normal for me too. I have actually asked my T to be mean to me and hit me. I told him I tend to dissociate whenever someone is nice to me. I can't deal with it. He knows I have also asked ex's to hit me rather than have them be stay mad at me.

Unfortunately, my T said he would never do that. He said even if it wasn't unethical, he would be scared of pushing it too far and he would do more harm than good. I was disappointed.

I would definitely talk about it. Your T will understand and maybe help you deal with the feelings. Mine tried, but I still feel the same way. Good luck to you.

[MRT6211]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

This is new to me, I made sure the T I chose was patient, kind, knowledgeable, etc., and I really needed the kindness and the empathy. But now that I'm getting really attached, and transference is happening all over the place, I want my T to hurt me now... Is this normal? Sometimes I wish my T would yell at me or hit me or lose his patience and snap that I'm being a baby or something, because that feels so much more familiar than having to try to interpret his kindness session after session. Do I need to talk about this with him?

Yes. Many, many times. I was thinking about this today, actually. It’s like the only way I’ll feel like I’m cared about is to be yelled at and hit.

But, my previous T and this T have been very good about being very stern with me and not letting me get out of control with my b.s., but making sure it’s not in an abusive or harmful way. I have gotten kinda “scolded” at times, if you will, but never in a way that’s made me feel like a bad person or like T hated me. I knew it was out of caring. And I knew it was because I absolutely needed it. Gentleness doesn’t go far with me, and the good Ts I’ve had have figured that out quickly.

[GeekyOne]

Yeah, I feel like that sometimes too. I want her to yell, guilt trip me, hit me or throw things... I find it confusing that she doesn't get upset with me. I do a lot of apologizing.

[SummerTime12]

I get this. I sometimes wish my t would be mean to me. Similarly, I often feel like my husband should just slap me or something when he’s mad at me or yelling. Things that are familiar are easier to deal with.

[velcro003]

i once told T that i wanted her to stomp on me over and over, until i was a bloodied mess.

[SlumberKitty]

Definitely talk to your T about it.

[weaverbeaver]

I wondered for a long time what I was doing to make t so mad at me. It felt familiar and comfortable to me to have her yell and shout at me.
She would then say look at what I done to her. I then stopped wishing t would hurt me because it hurt too much- ughhh, it’s complicated

[Fuzzybear]

Maybe unconsciously I did, I don’t think so though ... but being hurt was and is definitely very familiar to me, from childhood and later