Chatter

Does anyone else hear chatter? Especially when talking about possible sexual abuse. Like I want to die. I dont want to be here. Or focus on a picture in your therapists office to try to escape. What is this?

Sounds like your way of dissociating. Very common if you have a trauma background and things become too hard or overwhelming. I dissociate terribly with trauma work, I’m taking a break from it because it was taking up all of my time between therapy and I was having trouble functioning and being present for real life.
Maybe tell your T what’s going on and suggest looking at ways to help you ground. I haven’t found one that works for me but there are a tonne of people on here with great grounding suggestions.

I often have the 'I don't want to be here' and the focus on something as ways to escape. I agree that it is a form of or level of dissociation. I will dissociate to some level, less now than before. Before I wouldn't even get to this place, I'd just go directly to crumble and try to merge with objects in the room (the walk, corner, filing cabinet that I was leaning against) do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I do not have a history of csa so we don't talk about csa in reference to me. I think this kind of response is part of things being too hard or overwhelming regardless of the why.

I'm not sure I'd consider it hearing chatter. I know for me that it is in my head. Even with that knowledge, it does feel like it is foreign to me, coming from someone else.

I have gotten to the point where I can tell my T that I don't want to talk about this any more and she accepts that as a final line and will ask me what I want to talk about instead. If I can't come up with something, after a bit, she'll say she wants to talk about something that is a good/favorite topic of mine - math, football, ect. This helps ground me by activating my intellectual side as well as kind of help me see (in a round about way) how not threatening things are in this moment. We don't go back to the stressful thing that session or not directly. I think there's been a few times were we talk about talking about it type of deal.

Sometimes I tell her that I want to leave, that a part of me is saying that I don't want to be here. This allows here to know that things are ramping up for me. Afterwards, she tends to provide more encouragement and recognition of me staying.

I just have been calling it chatter because I didnt know what else to call it. It doesnt come from an outside source. Its just me kind of talking to myself. Wanting to flee but wanting to stay so I can work on things. I have left therapy one time and I have dissociated once. Like my vision narrowed, my mouth slumped and I was in sort of a haze but I never knew this particular thing was dissociation because I am still present.

For me I have different levels/types/intensity of dissociation depending in the trigger/situation. So similar for you maybe?

Lol yeah nearly all day every day

Not sure if this is what you mean but I have a conversation in my head that goes something like " I dont want to talk about this, I dont want to hear what T is saying, I dont want to feel like this I should tell her I need to stop. Tayooping will get me know where, I can handle this, I am safe. Why wont these thoughts stop. If I allow myself to be quiet Nd they to shut those thoughts out especially if she is talking I can totally disasociate. Sometimes I will go us on something in the room, usually something on the floor that can keep me more present.

Yep, exactly

Used to be a constant issue for me, particularly if I was extremely depressed. It was something I learned to talk about to my therapist. Vocalizing what was going on in my head eventually helped me understand where it was coming from and reduced how often it was happening.

How did it help you know where it came from exactly? I dont know where mine comes from at all really. I just know that when she starts talking about that possibility with me I a little panicky inside and icky feeling. Thats why I focus on the picture of the wave.

Sort of. My "chatter" tends to involve thoughts about my anger and how I am going to relieve myself of that anger at the first opportunity. I imagine scenarios where I can punish the object(s) of my anger. I've also taken to sulkily musing on things I can do or say to distract the therapist from her obsession with abuse (as I prefer to characterize it). Sometimes I act on these thoughts, and say something intentionally outrageous or provocative as a sneaky way of changing the subject.

For me, the more I am able to stop it before it gets ramped up the more I become aware of the types of things that cause me stress and the patterns there. I also find that I am able to stay present with the feelings and thoughts longer. It has been slow and circular. There is progress.

For me this has been very hard. One thing though is if I start to have those conversations in my head and I can't get it to stop, I tell them I need to change the conversation. Both have been awesome with respecting that and we talk about something elae.