The small things

Please tell me I am not the only that sometime the small send me over the edge?

There have been a lot of reminders of T the last few weeks and I have missed her dearly, sometimes to the point that it literally takes my breath away. I think I have done pretty well at reframing and thinking of the positives of our relationship. With Emdr T being on vacation it has not been easy but I have been doing okayish.

This evening I got home from work. My husband gave me two Chistmas cards that came back undeliverable. One to my uncle the other to Emdr T. I sent it to the address on her psychology today page. She is at the corner of two streets. Apparently the address on psychology today is the GPS address address. I lost it I realized it is indicative how little I know her.

I knew this very basic information about T. Hubby said I should bring it to my next appointment and hand it to her at the very end of my appointment. I could do that with T but not comfortable enough with Emdr.....it seems like a small thing but it is a big deal to me. I often feel bad for Emdf T bacause I compare her fo T. She doesnt stand a chance with all the work and time I did with T. So telling her seems impossible.

One saving grace is hubby and I had an amazing gathering for friends and family for new years, with lots of food and alcohol.

Nope, I think it's very common, especially in grief. I'll share two personal examples.

With my dog, he passed away in oct of 2017 and was the only dog my family ever really had that liked toys so it took me so long to go to a pet store at all but when I did, and I saw the toys for the first time, I stopped, I could feel my heart sink and I walked out. I started crying. It was weeks before I went back to a pet store but since then, I avoid the toys at all costs. I still cant. I heard someone squeaking one once and nearly threw up because of the sadness.

With T, it was within the week of therapy ending and someone came in my line at the store and bought bags of his favorite candy. I obviously couldn't start sobbing then or run off, so I finished the person and asked to use the restroom, I went in there and cried.... over candy

With T there is STILL so many things that make me think of him. IT's so so hard. I understand, even though my T isn't dead, in a way, it feels like he is I mean, who knows if I will ever see him again

I think you've just hit upon the dictionary definition of human in the course of grieving.

The big things of grief, the hospice, the funeral, the filing of the will, etc etc, sometimes seemed easier than the little, unexpected ones. At least they had a clearly defined process, including an ending. 6 months or so later, I received a yearly royalty check in the mail for an academic book he wrote, and the bank wouldn't let me cash it because I'd closed our joint account. I burst into tears in front of the clerk. About five people came rushing over like I'd just tried to rob the place, and I just ran out. Someone followed me and asked if she could explain the bank rule.

All I needed to do was fill out some simple form and have it stamped at the courthouse. I don't even know what it was about-- I didn't need the $50. Maybe it was symbolic of in the moment of how I didn't have him anymore, or how hard the process of losing him was, or how it seemed like no one understood it.

I think my kid has also been undone at many of the small things of grief. Maybe that's exactly what grief is, the undoing and the knitting together, over and over. My sense of it is the smaller things get smaller in reaction over time, and in the time it takes to recover, like a muscle pulled and the soreness the next day.

Yes, I experience such things from time to time. Especially with grief.

My neighbor who was like a grandma to me passed away this Summer. Some weeks ago, a random thought popped into my mind that reminded me of her, and suddenly I almost started to cry. Other times I'm perfectly fine, but sometimes stuff like that happens.

Another example would be my pet rabbits I used to have. They've been gone for years now, but I can still sometimes think of something or see something that reminds me of a situation with them, and I'll be sad.

Of course this also goes for other emotions and circumstances. Sometimes the smallest things can make me mad, or also happy.

I think this is one of the things that most people experience from time to time. I hope that you're not alone in this helps a bit with it.

Not just you. I started crying in public recently when a song I associated with ex-MC came on. For the card, is it possible to just sort of drop it on her desk or a table as you're leaving, as opposed to handing it to her? Or mail it again to the correct address?

The description sounds like just regular grief to me. And by regular grief I mean nothing that is not to be expected when one loses someone close.

There are reminders of T everywhere. And like stated here sometimes I think of her and sad that she is gone. But I can refocus on the good times.

The WORST right now is a stupid commercial. I dont know which company it is for but the OS a lady who was carrying laundry downstairs and fell. She is hollering for help. For those that dont know T qas sleep walking and fell down her basement stairs she does a few days later from the severe brain injuries. At her memorial service I was talking to her partner. He was a wreck and gave me some pretty horrific CS details of the accident. When the commercial comes on I immediately think of T and wondering if she was aware of what happened or was able to call for help. I also get visuals that are really graphic.

It does help I am not alone on that I have my husband and kids who know I am struggling. They all knew T and adored her. My kids once said she would be an awesome grandmother. However, they were in no way even close to her as I was. They try to understand and be supportive. They dont get it though. None of them have suffered significant losses. Hubby has told me I need to let go and move on. Remember all the good times.

I so appreciate this board because many people understand significant losses and the bond between T and client

I would be surprised if this is not something pretty much everyone experiences at times. It can be very noticeable regarding sad events and grief but also works with positive things. It is how emotional memory works, via associations.
Emotional Memories: When People and Events Remain With You | Psychology Today

Great article thank you. It describes what I have been feeling a lot lately. I have many reminders of T around my house gifts, her picture obituary, flowers that I planted using her guidance and knowledge, and a vase that she gave me with fresh cut flowers at my last appointment, etc. I still have her emIl address and phone number programmed in my phone. For some reason whenever I start to type in a person or number for people T always come up. Part of me thinks O should get rid of some of this stuff but I cant, yet