Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

I’m going to do a bit of shopping myself today. Not spice shopping but to get a few small things I personally enjoy.

I'm working today, which I hate but it's good to keep busy.... however we are also expecting tons of snow.... so my dad is driving me to work as my winter driving fear is sadly still a thing. At least most of the day when it's snowing I'll be inside earning money

Una can you ever forgive me and autocorrect? I should never post before coffee!

My mind has its own autocorrect - i read it as "unfortunately"! Also before coffee!

Oh god, I hate when that happens. Although the couple upstairs do some annoying things (extremely loud arguments all the time, the loudest springs on their bed when they have sex), I'd take them over some of the other people who have stayed in that apartment. They all seemed to be smokers. Not only did my apartment frequently smell of cigarettes or weed (which my roommate thought was me... I wish!), but they would always flick the butts over their balcony. It really made the place look ******. And eventually they set fire to the front of my porch. I was furious.

I had a reflexology treatment today. Part of her advice was to stop worrying...unfortunately she didn't provide any instruction as to how I am to do that. I wanted to experience complete relaxation for a while, but that was difficult in a room where so many things were happening at once.

Im in a no smoking bldg, and there is an outside smoking area. So people will go outside to smoke. I REALLY hate when they get on the elevator with me when theyre coming back in after their smoke break. I wish they would warn me - i would GLADLY get off the elevator and wait for the next one, instead of being stuck with them. Next time im pushing the next floor and getting off!

How can you possibly know what someone else thinks or feels unless they tell you? Thoughts and feelings don't always follow from logic either. But if you want to use logic and you believe that he cared for you when you were seeing him, why would he stop caring about you just because you aren't seeing each other anymore? If, for some hypothetical reason, you were no longer able to see your dog or your brother would you suddenly stop caring about them?

You make a good point with your last line. I still care about some people who I haven't seen in years. Also, when I talked to my T about worrying that ex-MC no longer cared about me, he said that T's don't stop caring about their clients even after they leave--they certainly don't think about them as often as current clients, but it doesn't mean they stop caring.

That's how therapy works. The care is limited while you are a client. When you end do does the care. He explained how they are trained to compartmentalize clients etc. There's no way he cares anymore. He has no reason to.

I disagree that that is how therapy works. Therapists aren't robots that can turn their feelings on and off the same way that you can't. Yes, they do have to compartmentalize so they can be there for the next client, but that doesn't mean they never think of you outside of session or that they quit caring when you're not in the room with them.

If he quit caring the moment you left his office for the last time, then I doubt it was real care to begin with. You don't need a reason to care for someone. I still care for my husband on some level even though I have a huge laundry list of reasons why I shouldn't.

I am hoping and praying that this week will finally feel like a normal, routine week. Since late December, I've felt like I've been meeting myself coming and going. 13 concerts. My husband's surgery and all of the hospital visits, physical therapy appointments, doctor's visits, caretaking, etc. that the surgery involved. My father being moved into assisted living and getting his house packed up (and the 1,000 mile 3-day trip to do so last weekend). New semester with new students.

Finally, I think this week looks pretty normal. Only two pretty routine doctor's appointments for my husband (nothing new or major). I'm back to chorus rehearsals tomorrow night (Oh! How I've missed them!). My classes are starting to settle into routine and independence (not so teacher-driven now). I'm ready for normal, boring, quiet routine! Yes!

My oldest son and I made that 1,000 mile, 3-day trip last weekend. We brought back their antique secretary desk, a 150-year-old rocking chair, multiple antique lamps, artwork, and rather amazing paperwork among many things. I spent several days unpacking about 20 boxes once we made it home.

I now have my great-great grandparents' high school autograph books; they wrote verse to each other rather than having yearbooks. The penmanship is amazing. The dates in those are in the early 1880s. I also have two school "newspapers" from about the same era. One is sewn together with thread; the other has a nail holding the pages together (staplers weren't a thing yet).

We found a love letter from Dad to Mom about two weeks before their wedding. In it he writes about worrying the wedding might get delayed if he got shipped out to Korea (air force). He had just bought a chartreuse green 1948 Buick with yellow wheels (LOL) and writes about taking one of his air force buddies for a ride in it. It's such a sweet letter; they were married just shy of 65 years when Mom passed away.

It was bittersweet to go through all of their things and divide them up. Dad was really happy, however, that we actually want their treasures. Mom instilled a strong sense of nostalgia in us. She valued family items and told us the stories behind every item if she knew it. Dad is happy in his new apartment; I think he feels less stress knowing he is in a place where he can quickly get help if needed. It is a really nice facility. He very proudly showed us around and posed in front of his air force picture they have hung on their military veterans wall of honor.

I'm turning our dining room into a music and reading room with all of these new additions. I have the piano that Mom and Dad bought to be sure their daughters were musicians and that gorgeous desk. My husband and I went out and bought two very comfortable chairs that rock and recline to go in the room. THIS is the room I've always wanted. We rarely "dined" in the dining room, so this makes so much more sense for us.

I agree. My therapist talked about having to compartmentalize to stay effective and not burn out. He talked about having to compartmentalize from one client to the next so that one session doesn't bleed into the next client's session. He also talked about having to compartmentalize his professional life from his private life in order to respect his family time and his own health. He said therapists who are unable to compartmentalize are generally the ones who end up making serious ethical mistakes and/or completely burning out.

Compartmentalizing is about having healthy boundaries. It doesn't translate into not caring. I actually think it indicates healthy caring.

Well, it's worth saying that a therapist or anybody can talk the talk but that doesn't mean they walk the walk. Sometimes actions contradict a person's words.

I was walking my dog around this enormous pond (it's more than a mile around, they call it a creek for some reason, it's weird). I kept seeing something swimming that was creating a large wake and it kind of freaked me out tbh.

Beaver? Otter? Nutria?

I'm afraid they rarely have time to think about any patient except during session.

I try not to think about my customers except when I'm working.

Hi Artley!

I'm not saying 100% of therapists think about their clients outside of session, but some do. My therapist has told me that he thinks about his clients, even me, during his not-working time because it's a natural thing to do. If I recall, you work with computers so I doubt you're having intense conversations of a personal nature with your customers, so it makes sense that you're not thinking of them when you're not working. Therapists have an interpersonal job that I think would lend itself to thinking of the people you work with outside of office hours.

Thinking of someone from time to time is human nature. It's not the same as caring. There's no possible way a therapist can have genuine care for every client throughout their lives. They care when they have to. They are not gonna sit and care about everyone who ends therapy with them. Occasionally thinking sure. Again that's normal human behavior.

Therapists may not be robots but find me some who truly care about every former client beyond occasional thoughts. It's rare if it exists at all.

I am wondering if Info’s greatest asset to me is her mediocrity. She’s not so terrible a therapist that’s she’s useless, on the other hand she is not so engaged that she draws me in emotionally and does damage.

I had initially heard a bit of a splash when I was at the far end of the pond. The view was blocked by the trees, but there was a path little way back down to the edge of the water, so I went to check it out since I knew the ducks don't make that noise. I also was envisioning a beaver, although I hadn't noticed the distinctive beaver felled trees nor any beaver dams. And beavers can't breathe under water. When I was at the far end, it was lighter outside and I was much closer to the wake. Whatever it was didn't come up for air while I watched.

I am concerned it was an alligator. Granted, someone would have had to bring it and release it there since it is a manmade pond and there aren't any other bodies of water close enough for an alligator to walk. Many of the bodies of water in this region do have alligators, and there are signs warning people of that. People aren't supposed to swim in this pond, but I've seen them do it - dogs, too. C took our dog so he could have his first little swim in the shallows last summer

I looked on the park's website where they listed all the various types of flora and fauna at the park. But no animals were listed that could have been responsible for that wake - which I had been pretty sure of at the time since I had previously looked at that website to see if there were alligators. That's why the wake creeped me out.

LOL - Sounds like a middle american way to choose a spouse, or a job! "Doesnt keep me awake at night, but i dont fall asleep during whatever either!"

Youre the shortest to quote!

The saying, "What other people think about me is none of my business" i think applies here. Its borrowing trouble, as they would say in the olden days.

He just walked away like I meant nothing. The care ended.

I know he can think of me from time to time, that's normal human behavior. That's not at all the same as caring about someone.

Being a random thought to someone here and there means nothing to me, when I used to actually matter. There's a huge difference. When therapy ends, new clients take your place, therapists can't possibly sit and care about every former client forever. This is just a cruel industry.