Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

My dog just slimed my ipad and I picked it up without noticing. Until I got dog spittle all over me.

Ugh, I'm so sorry...That's not OK. Is there anyone else you can escalate to, like county school board?

Don't think that would legally fly, but he might be onto something. We might be able to do like Uber eats. He drives, I deliver. (I have a fear of driving, and he can't do stairs or carry heavy things). Might work.

Plausible. And it might improve your marriage. (But what do I know?)

I don't know how I'm supposed to take this...?

H, my dad, and I had another fight. H wants me to get a job. H doesn't want to do Lyft or Uber anymore. He wants to sit around all day looking for a job. Meanwhile, I'll be working part-time at least, cooking and cleaning the house, taking care of the dogs... basically doing everything. My dad told H that he's not a man, that he's a little boy throwing a tantrum. I agree. I threatened divorce again, and he backed off. Then he came back with the idea that we both do Amazon delivery together... Don't think that would legally fly, but he might be onto something. We might be able to do like Uber eats. He drives, I deliver. (I have a fear of driving, and he can't do stairs or carry heavy things). Might work.


I just am getting worn down. I'm tired of life. I'm losing everything!

I'm ashamed to take up the offer since it wasn't explicitly "when would you like to see [case manager] next?" but "if you feel you'll like a second session..." We didn't even go through the trauma symptom scale they had me fill out. I was told I'm "resilient" so maybe just like with therapy, I'm depriving someone out of a slot they need? Last time I saw T, clinic staff mentioned again how lucky I am that I can have regularish appointments (Now every three to five weeks) because work lets me. I KNOWWWWW... I am grateful every day and all that... It adds to my guilt especially when they tell me of "clients have to wait a couple of months."

As for the boundary talk, maybe she regrets hugs. Whenever things changed because she offered or I asked, I would tell her never to offer something she would later regret. And so she's not taking away hugs but she probably regrets since she's questioned "how are they helping?" twice already.

Of course I know I can ground myself using my own touch. I do that. I rub my hands, do visual grounding, move my body, hurt myself etc. I just wanted help wheni I'm frozen when dissociated. And she stopped giving spontaneous playful touch ages ago.

Her saying No when I ask, I understand, but not the whole boundary talk about how I "want more and more touch." I regret being honest about my feelings of wanting to be held. I NEVER asked her to hold me, only talked about my wanting. Isn't that what therapy is supposed to be about: talking about feelings?

I can stay with a friend, she told me her house is always open. She says I refuse help because I'm busy acting strong. I'm just terrified to. I'm terrified of how my parents will explode, I'm terrified my friend will realise how gross I really am.

My aunt seems to have withdrawn her offer but I'm just...terrified of even having a sleepover with my friend.

I've been so upset since yesterday. I got a call yesterday only 1 hour into the school day that my 9 year old son was punched in the face. Not once but twice! In the bathroom from some other kid who was also calling him names. He's had issues with these kids since the beginning of the school year. I've talked to the teachers and principal about it only to be told that it was harmless.

I don't feel like I can do this week without any contact. I have a lot on my mind lately. I've got some memories stuck in my head about and we were in the middle of attempting to discuss some of it this week. I say attempting because it wasn't going so well from my side of the room. He's the only person I can talk to. Maybe I'll try journaling while he's away.

Morning, I had the new appointment. She seems very nice but as I expected, very professional, basic services, see on call doc if a crises, if I'm here send a message but....

Ah well. I'm not special and this is the nhs. Don't provide person centric care. Is 1 size fits all if it's there at all.

Ah well, keep on keeping on.

Was this for a new T or a psychiatrist appointment?

I've heard of there also being crisis teams and CPNs. Perhaps there are also support groups in your area?

Yikes, QM, I'd feel pretty bad, too, if the therapist said those things to me. We recently had a small rupture because I wanted something, assumed I couldn't have it, and acted out. When we talked about it, she asked me if I felt like I couldn't ask for things. I think I don't ask for things because I'm too terrified of being told no, or worse, of being told no and shamed for expressing a need - which I kind of feel like you were.

I hope you will take a chance and go stay with your friend. She wants to help. I don't have any friends, but I am close to my sister. I know that when she needs help, it gives me satisfaction to be there for her. If she refused to let me help her, I'd feel pretty helpless and sad.

As for your parents, it sounds like avoiding drama has maybe been a priority of yours in your life. I know what it's like to feel like you can't put yourself first because it's just not worth going through the reaction from parents. But at least in this case, you will be removing yourself from them physically. If possible, you could pack your things, put them in the car, and tell them at the last minute so you could make a quick getaway. Or you could even leave and call from your friend's house. It is ok to be a bit rude with people who are in any way abusive and who make you feel trapped and like you can't do what's best for you because they will "explode."

The main thing that R taught me was that it was okay to have needs and to actually put myself first before others. It's nice to be kind, but not at the extent where it damages you. I kinda like the saying" you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." The service is in place to help and you deserve and need that help too. One session every 3-5 weeks would be very hard for anyone struggling with severe depression without the assult on top.

I don't think your friend would ask if she thought you were gross. For me being in a toxic environment is just draining and full of extra drama.I know it's easier said than done, and it's okay to be afriad of things blowing up at home, but the less contact with people like that the better. I would suggest baby steps: maybe not a full night but try with half a day perhaps and see how you feel?

I used to never ask for things because yeah, I grew up hearing no, being interrogated, and being horribly shamed if I wanted even a cent. I feel so stupidddd for asking for a squeeze on the kneecap when I'm frozen, or for us to touch fingertips.

I'm really scared of accepting help. My friend C sees me as "resilient and strong" and I'm afraid she'll see "the real me" who is weak and dependent, if I make sense?

Thing is I'm "high functioning". I may meet criteria for major depression and have some post traumatic symptoms, but I function because emotional numbness is my default. So many people have it worse, like my acquaintance S who sees T once every 1 - 3 months and owes the clinic money.

My friend C said to tell the sexual assault center a sob story about my finances. But yeah while I can't afford renting outside again (since rent is so high), I have money and savings, not like so many others. C would say this is me refusing help again, maybe she's right. I just feel I'm this privileged whiner depriving slots from other people who need it more.

I promised C I'll spend a night at her place if my job approves my application for unpaid leave. I hope I have the guts. C says I just have to pack clothes.

R has said that I'm also very high functioning, and I know I am too. When I'm stupidly low, I sometimes feel the same way, that I don't really have much to complain about. I also have savings but not enough to move out yet. But here's the thing pain at the end of the day is still pain. X may have it worse but it doesn't change anything about the fact that your still suffering. Filled slots to the organization would be better than empty slots.


I get the if you really knew what I was like- they'd leave. But maybe C can already see the "real" you.


How long do you have to wait approx until you hear back ?


The touch in therapy can be a very difficult thing, I don't think you're stupid for asking. I'd honestly want the same. I'm sorry you didn't get what you hoped for.