[Seelenna1982]

If you wouldn’t mind sharing, is there a way your sessions with your Ts usually begin? And how do you navigate it, do you prepare ahead of time or just see how things play out?
Mine will usually have a sentence or two of small talk.... then comes the question, every single week “so.... what do you want to talk about today?” For reference, I’ve never had an answer to this. I struggle, I’d like to have one. But I don’t know where to begin. I don’t want to own that I want anything, even if it’s just wanting to talk about something. Every week, I try so hard to think of something to reply to this, but a pathetic “I don’t know” comes out. It’s soinds automatic and as if I’m being difficult, but I’m not. I’m desperate for words. I don’t have words. I feel like I’ve hardly touched the surface in therapy yet, but I’m starting to get so anxious over having the responsibility of starting these sessions that I’m beginning to think of ways to cancel my appointments.
She encourages emails outside of session but I don’t like to do that. I don’t want to invade into her time outside of our sessions.

Maybe if I had some starting sentences.... I could pick one and continue from those. But I realize that therapy is such an individual process, no one could exactly tell me what I should want to talk about. I’m just lost at this point.

[DP_2017]

We always began with a walk. I miss them like crazy

Once we got in the room, usually with jokes

[ArtleyWilkins]

Yeah, hate that question. Never worked for me either.

My last therapist started a bit differently with me. The first few minutes he asked about my depression level, anxiety level, sleep patterns, etc. This was helpful because I went through years of severe depression that resulted in repeated hospitalizations, so starting with this check in gave him an idea of where I was in comparison to my baseline. (We had spent some time figuring out what baseline looked like for me and coming up with a common rating system for all of the above categories so we were always on the same page.)

In the process of that check in, he would ask me questions (or I would offer up information) about what was going on that might be affecting those levels. As we talked about those levels, inevitably the topic to start with would arise in that discussion, and from there we continued.

I found the check in routine helped me settle in, and the topics for the session seemed to so naturally and effectively develop from that check in. I honestly almost never went into a session knowing what I wanted to discuss, but somehow we always landed in exactly the right place. My therapist was good that way; he had quite a knack at getting me to come up with the focus even when I didn't know it when I walked in. (I had other good therapists, but he was definitely the best at getting things rolling.)

[DP_2017]

Maybe have notes or a list to go off. I did that often

[Seelenna1982]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Maybe have notes or a list to go off. I did that often

Where did you walk? Like outside? I’d like that!

I can completely see how having a list would be wise.... my problem is admiring that I want to talk about anything. I’ve never talked to anyone before, about anything to do with me. I don’t know how!

[Elio]

Yes, made a list through the week or brought up something from my journal. Once I realized that she really would sit there until I spoke, my be a good student part jumped in and we came up with lists upon lists of stuff to talk about. I didn't always talk about what was on my list. I had it there regardless. It's been a long time since I've used a list and there are some sessions where starting seems very weird like I have nothing to say. Other times I get super nervous/anxious about being there. I try to describe what is going on for me in that moment.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Seelenna1982

Where did you walk? Like outside? I’d like that!

I can completely see how having a list would be wise.... my problem is admiring that I want to talk about anything. I’ve never talked to anyone before, about anything to do with me. I don’t know how!

I found sharing things about me helped out here - songs I like, photo album of my past, items I've saved from childhood, things I've read... and on.

[DP_2017]

Yes outside but sadly, not every therapist is open to it, it's the whole "ethical dilemma" of leaving the office. I got it because otherwise I was too anxious to think or do anything so he offered it, and it worked so we kept doing it.

However, now I hate going on walks, it's a constant reminder of him and seriously depressing

[SlumberKitty]

The T I have now usually starts off with asking me how my sleep is, or how my hallucinations are or how my SH is. That gets the ball rolling. If she didn't, I'd probably start with one of those things anyway. Former T and I did a bit of chit chat and how was your week to start. I liked that too. Kit

[susannahsays]

If she hasn't received any reports of egregious behavior on my part between sessions, she usually just asks what I want to talk about. I don't really like this question. I hate expressing that I want anything, and I feel like I'm being tricked into it by this question. I know it's a reasonable question and my feelings are irrational. I guess there's also a discomfort because none of the things that I know deep down ought to be talked about are things I want to talk about. But I can't give a topic and then pronounce that I don't want to talk about it because that's pointless. It's all very confusing in my head.

[Salmon77]

Mine doesn't say anything. We both sit down and I start talking. I usually think about what I'll start with on the way there.

[Seelenna1982]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Mine doesn't say anything. We both sit down and I start talking. I usually think about what I'll start with on the way there.

Thanks for the reply, that sounds very brave of you! Does that not make you feel like there is a lot of pressure on you to come up with something? How does one know what to talk about in therapy? What if you didn’t start talking, would you both just sit in silence.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Seelenna1982

Thanks for the reply, that sounds very brave of you! Does that not make you feel like there is a lot of pressure on you to come up with something? How does one know what to talk about in therapy? What if you didn’t start talking, would you both just sit in silence.

Depending on my non-verbal, yes we'd sit there in silence for quite some time. Sometimes she'll start describing my non-verbal or she'll say something like it seems to be hard getting started today.

My T says we can talk about anything, that there is no right or wrong thing or time to talk about something.

[ElectricManatee]

Maybe you could try talking about what you said here, that you feel immense pressure to come up with a topic and you're uncomfortable wanting things or talking about yourself? That seems like fertile therapy ground right there.

What happens in your sessions after the "I don't know"? How does one of you eventually start the conversation? Or do you just sit there forever?

I'm pretty comfortable with my T at this point. If I'm in a good mood, I'll usually start the session by making a joke or a comment about something and then quickly transition into what's on my mind after that. If I'm not in a good mood, I'll usually sit down silently and my T will put on her Empathy Eyes™ and either ask how I'm doing or comment that I look sad/upset/etc.

[Salmon77]

Originally Posted by Seelenna1982

Thanks for the reply, that sounds very brave of you! Does that not make you feel like there is a lot of pressure on you to come up with something? How does one know what to talk about in therapy? What if you didn’t start talking, would you both just sit in silence.

I guess there is some pressure in a way but I've been going for a few years now so I'm used to it, and I know I can start with anything, really, it can be big or small or just whatever comes to mind. I feel like it's my choice to go to therapy so it makes sense for me to choose what I want to talk about. My T talks a lot once we get started, though.

I don't know how long we'd sit in silence if I didn't start talking, I've never tried that.

[Omers]

My T is really different. He invites me into the office where he has four sheets of paper with feelings on them. The big categories are happy, mad, sad, scared and then each one has other related feeling below it and I can pick one or as many as I want. Then we step down a little bit farther and he has another set of cards with “needs” (?) I guess... things like rest, embrace, community... and he will ask a question. Usually it is “what would you like to give yourself today ?” But when my husband and I were having a hard time he asked what I would gift to my husband. Then we use those as a starting point. T usually has some kind of activity planned to but it is open to change based on what I need. Like last week I picked rest and we didn’t do an activity, we got caught up (he had been gone the previous week) and worked on defining long term goals. My T is VERY directive and structured with me because I have CPTSD and Autism. I think he does similar things with his other clients because the cards are always set out but I am not sure. I LOVE this ritual.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Seelenna1982

But I don’t know where to begin. I don’t want to own that I want anything, even if it’s just wanting to talk about something. Every week, I try so hard to think of something to reply to this, but a pathetic “I don’t know” comes out. It’s soinds automatic and as if I’m being difficult, but I’m not. I’m desperate for words. I don’t have words. I feel like I’ve hardly touched the surface in therapy yet, but I’m starting to get so anxious over having the responsibility of starting these sessions that I’m beginning to think of ways to cancel my appointments.
She encourages emails outside of session but I don’t like to do that. I don’t want to invade into her time outside of our sessions.

Maybe if I had some starting sentences.... I could pick one and continue from those. But I realize that therapy is such an individual process, no one could exactly tell me what I should want to talk about. I’m just lost at this point.

It seems like it could be helpful just to talk about how hard it is to talk.

In my own sessions, sometimes I have something to talk about, sometimes I don't. I am slowly learning that it is better to tell her the things that are going on in my head, even when they don't want to be said. That way we get to deal with what is.

After years I still feel an intense awkwardness starting a session. Because I'm so relieved to be there that I can't bear that being known by her. Though she knows it all. Seen it all.
I sit looking at the books on her wall and then she'll say "where are you? Or what you thinking" and I have to sort of roar up inside and say something, anything. It happend from there. She meets me there.

[zoiecat]

Originally Posted by Omers

My T is really different. He invites me into the office where he has four sheets of paper with feelings on them. The big categories are happy, mad, sad, scared and then each one has other related feeling below it and I can pick one or as many as I want. Then we step down a little bit farther and he has another set of cards with “needs” (?) I guess... things like rest, embrace, community... and he will ask a question. Usually it is “what would you like to give yourself today ?” But when my husband and I were having a hard time he asked what I would gift to my husband. Then we use those as a starting point. T usually has some kind of activity planned to but it is open to change based on what I need. Like last week I picked rest and we didn’t do an activity, we got caught up (he had been gone the previous week) and worked on defining long term goals. My T is VERY directive and structured with me because I have CPTSD and Autism. I think he does similar things with his other clients because the cards are always set out but I am not sure. I LOVE this ritual.

Thanks. It is nice to hear that I am not the only one with a more structured T. Sometimes I wish he would allow me to just ramble on about what is happening to me in the moment but he says that does not help people get better. Mine is different as well. Although he makes me mad quite often, I must admit I have come a long way in the last 2 years.

[nottrustin]

T use to ask in her check on how I am doing, how my children are, how my job is going, etc. These were big topic in my therapy with her. Often at least one of those led to the primary discussion.

Emdr T and I usually start with a couple deep breaths. We will start with the typical pleasantries. Sometimes just the hi how are you leads to a topic. Other times she will ask that dreaded question. If I have something we will go from there. Other times I will say I dont now followed by s period of silence until one of us caves which is only a couple of minuted.

[piggy momma]

We do a couple minutes of chit chat to start. Very rarely the conversation will flow from that but more often than not he’ll look me in the eye and say “so what would you like to talk about today?” And I’ll look away and shrug my shoulders but yet we always come up with something. I haven’t decided what Monday’s topic is.