Taking a break from therapy

I’m wondering if anyone has found it helpful to take a break from therapy in order to better evaluate whether or not to continue? I’ve been seeing my therapist for over a year and a half and I think he’s a good person with good intentions, but I also feel like I’m floundering, going in circles a bit. Maybe I don’t know how to ask the questions or pick the topics that would be the most helpful for me. I also think I’ve spent too much time on inconsequential things related to our relationship. I’m aware that there are areas where I could grow and feel more satisfied and I like the idea of therapy for this. But it’s time-consuming and expensive and I’d like to feel more confident that it’s actually helping me. So it occurred to me that maybe taking a month or two off might help. Has anyone done this and found it to be helpful?

At this point, ts usually tell me there is something i dont want to face, and thats why i want to take a break.

I know others have taken complete breaks, with mixed results. I hope you hear from them.

I took a therapizing break. We were having a rupture, major one and I told her that I needed a break from analyzing me while still seeing her. We did 6 wks of jigsaw puzzles. I barely journaled during that time and for the first many weeks I didn't email her as well.

There was some talking in that 6wks that wasn't puzzle related chatter, very little. I didn't update her about what was going on in my daily life and we didn't talk about issues or my past. Was it financially sound? Given my tendency to lock people out of my life and not create connections to people unless there is enough interaction for me to feel safe; yeah, I think it was needed in order for me to continue.

I found breaks very useful. Without taking breaks, I would have quit altogether before my person got sick. And although I never found therapy useful for anything else, it was not unuseful as a place to vent about all surrounding her illness and death.

I have not taken breaks from therapy per se but my T is on holiday every summer for six weeks, which conveniently offers a nice break. Sure, during the first years of therapy, such a long break felt rather difficult and hard to tolerate.

But last few years I've been quite happy with such breaks because therapy is indeed very consuming both in terms of time, energy and money. It's nice not to have to get up super early every day to go to therapy. It's nice to keep this 30% of my monthly income for myself. It's nice to not have to deal with the aftermath of the therapy session, which often means just a feeling of being a bit drained both from the session it self and the early wake up, but that in worst case can mean being unproductive for the whole day.

I've considered taking a break on other times as well but have decided not to do it because when contemplating why I really want to do it, I've always found some wish to somehow punish my T and show him how useless and stupid he is. The rational me does not think that would be a good enough reason to take a break.

I have taken breaks in the past that were helpful over 7+ years with most recent t.

I am on a break right now (since mid-Feb) that I am weighing whether or not to make permanent. I know I don't want more therapy but dang it, sometimes I still want to talk to her...

Having an interpretation pushed on me would be reason to step back from therapy. Likewise if therapy became about the relationship, or if the relationship stirred rather than soothed my life's drama.

I think it's important to be aware consumers. Therapists aren't infallible nor are all their "interpretations" correct.

I regret not leaving my misguided therapist sooner.

I have never actually done but I have considered it in the past. What keeps me from doing it is I know I am running from feelings and emotions. Both Ts have /had evening hours once a week. I have the one slot that many daytime workers want. I am respectful of the fact that I have the coveted appointment and could fill it easily.

Yes, I took a month-long break after seeing my therapist for about nine months. It wasn't planned at all. My emotions had been swirling all over the place. After one session, I came home, emailed, and said that I wasn't coming back. There hadn't been anything dramatic in that session or anything. I don't know what happened. (Reflecting back on it, maybe I was re-enacting some things from my teenage years. I tended to run away from my family. Literally. Not far and not for long. But that's how I handled things sometimes.) He was very kind and calm, said we should talk about it. I declined, and he said that the door was always open to coming back.

About a month later, I decided to come back. He was surprised. Maybe a touch...hmmm...not thrilled about it? But covered it well. And we talked about it all (including my perception that he wasn't super enthused about my return). I told him what I wanted. And really, I think therapy has been going really well since the break. He has been so supportive. For some reason, I feel like I can really rely on him. Communication feels much more open and honest though of course, there are always tricky bits. It feels very productive and like I'm moving forward in really weird ways that I can't exactly explain. So for what it's worth, that's my break story. Not sure if it's helpful at all or relates to you.

Oh, and by the way, I don't think therapy is at all linear. At first, I found that really frustrating because I tend to like research and things to be pretty fact-based. But as I said, I'm finding therapy now to be mysteriously productive so I'm just going with it. So please don't judge yourself and your therapy for being "inconsequential" or "floundering." Maybe that's where you need to go?

Thanks for all of your responses. I have had tremendous ambivalence about therapy since day one and it’s not uncommon for me to struggle with going for a variety of reasons that are complicated. I don’t want to stop if I’m running away from something, but I’m not sure that’s what I’m doing. I want to be thoughtful and not make a rash decision.

I want to be sure that this is not part of the reason I’m considering taking a break.

Yes, I get this. I don’t want to stop for this reason either, so I’m trying to take my time and be thoughtful about it.

This is great. Thanks.

Have you considered consulting with another T, even if just a single session? I did that and found it to be helpful to get another perspective on what was going on in my therapy. I was up front with the other T that I just wanted to see her for one (or a few) consulting sessions. I told my T after I'd seen her (he said he'd have preferred if I'd told him first that I was going, but was OK with it), and we discussed some of what I'd talked about with her. I haven't taken a break, but have considered it.

i took a six week break after a major rupture with my ex-T which turned out to be quite beneficial because it provided me with the opportunity to 'put the breaks on' the chaos and all the ups and downs from the drama that was playing out in the relationship with my T. it provided me with some much needed breathing space and thinking time so i could contemplate both my overall therapy and goals and put things into perspective. this was an empowering personal change of direction for me because upon returning to therapy i felt I had better overall control of my therapy and knew what i needed and wanted to be focusing on.

You’ve actually mentioned this in one of your responses to one of my posts in the past. At the time I wasn’t ready, but maybe this time I am. Can I ask what you said to the consulting T in your initial email or phone call? Trying to figure out how to go about doing this.

Sure! Here's what I sent to the one I ended up consulting with (you can obviously leave out the "your name was recommended" part--she's just not on Psychology Today).

"Your name was recommended to me as someone who works well with attachment issues. I'm looking for a therapist for a limited number of sessions (possibly just 1 or 2) to deal with a particular issue. Sort of a consultation thing. Are you currently accepting new adult clients? If so, are you open to doing short-term therapy? (with the possibility of longer-term)?"

When she replied saying she was open to that, I said this (probably more detail than she needed!): "Thanks so much for getting back to me. I thought I'd provide a little more info. I've been seeing a therapist for a year and a half (much of that twice a week). However, I often wonder if he's the right fit for me--we work well together on many issues, but when it comes to addressing the therapeutic relationship itself, there is often conflict, which leads to intense distress for me, as I'm rather attached to him (I've been attached to past therapists as well, in the form of anxious/preoccupied attachment). So I'm mainly seeking consultation on whether he's the right person for me to continue working with. Is that something you'd feel comfortable with? He's open to my seeking consultation, and I'd let him know that I was."

Thanks. My husband and I have been seeing a marriage counselor every other week for a short period of time (maybe 4 sessions total) and I like her and trust her. I was thinking of emailing her and asking if she’d meet with me about this, but I’m not sure if that’s a conflict of interest or whatever since she already meets with my husband and me as a couple. I’d just want to meet one or two times though like you said to get an outside perspective on my therapy. It gets confusing trying to figure it all out myself and I already have some trust in this woman so she’d be a comfortable choice for me. How did you find your person?

Hm, you could ask? But be prepared for her to say it's a conflict of interest. Maybe ask her for a suggestion of someone to talk to? Honestly, I got the name of the person I ended up seeing from ex-MC, when I emailed him while struggling with T (maybe 6 months earlier) asking if he knew any T's who were good with attachment issues. But I also emailed a couple I found on Psychology Today who seemed promising (a couple got back to me, but I went with this one because she had immediate availability). So, if the marriage counselor says no, maybe just try emailing a couple? Or see if she has suggestions.