Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

Therapists do be like dat!

Woke up this morning and the cockatoos have trashed our veggie garden they have pulled tomatoes off the vine and smashed the pumpkins grrr my D worked so hard in the garden

LT- when ex t would stand up to say goodbye... she would take close to a minute adjusting her shirt, pulling her pants up in the back, etc.

Maybe the therapist just needs to adjust his ball sack when he gets up and don’t want to do it in front in you...so he chalked it up to routine. Did that make you laugh? Hope so..

On a more serious note... I hope you can let it go.

Thanks, Healed. It's definitely possible this could be part of what's going on. Especially as I have anxious/preoccupied attachment. It may be related to his having been away, so part of me felt upset with that and abandoned, so now I'm sort of pushing him away. Especially knowing he'll be away again at the end of this month. It could definitely be something to explore with him.

I also think it's tied into how much he really cares about me. Like, I want him to prove his caring. If he's not even willing to stand up briefly, how much could he possibly care? Which I know isn't really fair.

And I tend to get scared when things seem to be going well with someone (romantically, T, a friend). I mean, my general response to having love feelings to someone is "Oh ****." Because then I feel I'm set up to get hurt. Because I let myself feel that. I felt vulnerable with T today because I told him what I wanted from him. In the email I sent while he was away, I also admitted that I missed him. Which is a big deal for me.

And I have felt more connected to him lately, particularly right before he left for this trip. Which is scary. I keep thinking "OK, he gets it now" with stuff regarding me, then some small slight and it's like "OK, he doesn't get it at all." Which, black & white thinking.

Also, his hair was cut shorter than normal today, which I think threw me off. Seems like such a silly thing, but it still affected me. I felt weird saying that though.

OK, that did make me smile, thanks!

Jersey, great minds think alike - thats what i said earlier! Only i thought he was picking his undergotchies outa his butt.

LT...he has made some strides in helping you see your way through the transference but he still has a long way to go. I know you use that back up T when he is away..but what would it look like to reduce your sessions with him to once a week and pick up another therapist so that you have someone else to bounce these things off of?

Hahaha! I didn’t see that cause I didn’t read everything back. That’s hysterical. Looks like @@ and Lemon is getting another sister wife.

On a scale of 1-10 my anxiety the past couple weeks is a 20. A few years back when anxiety was this bad for an extended period of time I couldn’t recover and the Pdoc I had put me on a whole milligram of Klonopin 3 times a day. I’m trying 5 HTP but it takes a few weeks to work.

Indeed...

He did say it would be OK to see the backup T on occasion even if he is in town. But he said it can potentially be confusing to see two T's at once regularly, unless one is for a specific topic (like if I did EMDR with R, which is one of her specialties, or focus on alcohol use, another one of them). So I don't know if he'd be OK with me seeing someone else on a regular basis if not for a specific purpose. Maybe I need to see how Thursday goes (and, well, how he replies to my email), and if it goes poorly, consider a possible break, where I'd see someone else? I don't know...

Like how much of this is just feeling disconnected from him from his being away? And his comment today about how in a way he wants me to feel connected to him while he's away. But then he's not sure about focusing on that, because it's also an opportunity for me to connect to other people keeps ringing in my head. He said it could give me a sense of what life would be like without seeing him. Which I think hit all the abandonment triggers. And the thing is, I did connect to various people and activities while he was gone (and do that while he's here, too). But he said he wanted me to "be well" while he's gone, too, so wants to support that.

hey couchies. i'm sure not understanding myself lately. the anxiety has given way to just a general overall sadness. not sure what is going on with me. last week my session with L was really good eventually, but at first i just sat there not even wanting to talk so she had to drum for me for a bit. we'll see what happens thursday. sigh. maybe i'm just missing my boy since he moved out again. i don't know.

LT, Your thoughts sound like they are spiraling a little bit. Want to do some deep breathing with me? The web of transference is awful. I remember it that way. I’m wondering if you can get yourself in the mind frame that it’s okay if he is not okay with you seeing another T at the same time. I think busying yourself with the other activities is a great distraction too. Maybe try adding more of those if time allows.

I am feeling super-discouraged about writing. It happens every time I workshop a story and I realize how much more I need to do before it's good.

It's particularly bad with the current online workshop leader (I've had him before, and I pretty much gave up writing for a couple months after the first workshop with him spring 2018 because it was such a discouraging experience). He doesn't do encouragement, just long lists of what's wrong with the story.

The workshop leader I have in-person every semester at the university writing center also makes a lot of comments about what doesn't work, but he's encouraging and phrases more like "think about if this is working here" rather than "this is wrong." He doesn't make me feel like giving up. And if there's a reason for a choice, he respects that. I guess the online instructor seems to want the story to be rewritten the way he would have written it.

Oh well. First World problem. I'm just being a delicate flower.

To me, this is one of the dumbest lies they tell clients OR it is one of the biggest egomaniacal lies they tell themselves. It is not confusing to see two of them. It really isn't. I was never once confused because I hired two of those people. I don't even know where they come up with that idea. Like clients are such slack jawed drooling half wits that we cannot keep two therapists straight. And who the hell is he to say whether it is okay or not? The astonishing arrogance of therapists never ceases to piss me off.

Yeah, but since then you got published, right? So you are a very very good writer. What’s going on with the set up for the story you posted the other day? That seemed like it was really good. Is that the one the work shop leader is commenting about?

I wouldn't suggest giving up writing (you are being published -hurrah). I might suggest not doing workshops with this guy.

No, it's the first of two stories we each submit for workshopping. (I don't care about the homework assignments so much, I just do them for practice.)

No, this story is



It's much more serious than my usual story, and I accept there are flaws that still need to be fixed. I just feel like this guy's trying to make it into something he would write.

I wouldn't have taken him again except I had a credit from a course I dropped last summer and needed to use it this summer and this was the only thing on offer. (This class also guarantees that the editors at a top lit mag will consider your story, though it's highly likely they won't accept it.)

Everyone needs encouragement.

I'll do my best with the deep breathing. The transference stuff does suck, especially as this right now seems to be more of the paternal nature. I can generally deal with ET. Paternal is usually much more painful.


And I'm OK if he doesn't feel comfortable with me seeing another T at the same time. He can just be confusing. Like "Sure, it's fine if you wanted to see R again," while another time saying that if she "stole" me from him (like on a long-term basis) that it would cause conflict between them.

It’s okay to feel discouraged, like CE said everyone needs some encouragement.
But..you got this. You are published. You have what it takes. Get through this workshop and then tell the guy to go pound sand.

Their conflict wouldn’t be your issue..hopefully they would be able to move past it like professionals.

Sorry guys. I need to go take a few deep breaths myself. I’m probably gonna go lay down for a bit. Be back a little later after a nap.

I am now seeing 2. One of them knows and one doesn't because I don't need her to, I just need EMDR for my phobia. The one who knows says she usually doesn't suggest people split their "energy" that way as some find it difficult but she can tell I don't. Really her opinion on it wouldn't stop me, what I pay for is u[pto me.

@@, every time you post about your forest story, I can’t wait to read it.