Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

I just finished my 3rd year of therapy and feel like I have more years ahead of me so maybe my opinion is biased.

People aren't widgets you churn out on an assembly line. Not everyone comes to therapy with simple issues that can be fixed in 6 - 12 sessions.

At my daughter's dance class waiting for it to start. Once it does I think I'm going to try to call T. I hate calling people, it's awkward but he doesn't do support over email or text. I tried taking a nap but that didn't help. So either I suck it up and call or I keep trying to deal with it by myself. Not sure that's a smart move right now. But I'm afraid he'll tell me he really thinks I need to go to the hospital.

Now that I'm in therapy I don't know when I will be out. processing is processing and takes as long as it does.

I shared my letters to my mother with P today. He said he often suggests people do this kind of exercise and seemed glad I had done it. He thought there was a lot of good stuff that I expressed and asked if he could copy the letters but I told him to just keep the original as I had taken a photo of them already. I wonder what he does with all the writings I've let him keep. He also wrote me an email to send to my mother because I seem incapable of writing to her and deciding how to address her coming for a visit at the moment. It basically says that I got her email and I'm dealing with some stuff right now and that I will respond to her. I'm very tempted to just send it verbatim although that feels a bit wrong somehow. I also learned today that he was an English major when I told him he writes better than I do. I've always been curious. Guess I could have just asked him.

He puts them in your chart, I expect.

I think it depends on how she (and you, for that matter) define severe.

And regardless, there's a lot of space between short term therapy and "always." Does it really sound likely that people fit into two such neat categories?

Everyone's guilty of black and white thinking sometimes, even supervisors!

Still, I don't know that your therapist is doing you any good at this point. Maybe he helped once, but that time seems to have passed.

ETA: If I want to keep going to therapy forever and I can afford it, I don't really think it's her place to say I shouldn't. It's paternalistic.

I don't mind online classes at all, although lots of my on campus classes take place in computer labs or require you to bring a laptop, anyway, due to my major - so it probably translates well.

The longest I've been with a T is 4 years. But I've been in and out of therapy for 24 years. I don't know if I would define my issues as severe. Probably not. I know people who have had to deal with much worse. I don't think I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life. But there isn't an end insight right now. And I'm hoping that T will still be there even when I no longer need her.

I've been in therapy on and off with different therapists for the past 7 years ever since I had my ectopic pregnancy and dealing with that grief and health problems that I learned I had after that.
I'm glad my T has the same thinking about there not being a set time frame for therapy. We've talked about how other Ts seem to get frustrated if you're still struggling after 6 months or a year. I was with 1 T for 3 years and would still want to see him if he hadn't moved out of state. And I don't see myself ending therapy with my current T anytime soon.

Called T earlier. He called back and we talked for 15 minutes. He said what I figured he say about the hospital but said it was more of a suggestion to be proactive in staying safe. He suggested I tell my H about how I'm feeling to give him a heads up that the hospital is an option. And for me to not shoot it down despite my experience last time.

I've been seeing my t for coming up on 8 years now. Every time I've tried to stop, I end up going back. I have finally accepted for reals the fact that I'm a lifer. I told her last week, I'll be doing this work for the rest of my life whether it's with her or somebody else. I said there will be breaks, but I'll never totally stop. I do not have severe mental illness either, just some things we continue to work on. Also, I highly value the work and the relationship. According to her, we are not doing therapy anymore. She calls it "soul work" now and I think that is an accurate description. (I pay out of pocket, so I don't have to worry about any insurance crud.)

I LOVE this!.... I have been with my T for quite some time now too and always wonder if I should still be there. I have a lot of attachment/relational stuff I am working on. I do think I could function without therapy but it is helping me make improvements in various aspects of my life and as long as I am here I think I will always strive to live a better life which this helps me do. I am not really sure when or if it ends and have at times felt an internal pressure to figure out and decide when the end will be. Lately, though, I have been getting used to the idea that as long as I can afford it (I'm paying out of pocket) and it is benefitting me, my life and the lives of my close family members that I will continue. I regularly try to check in and reflect on whether it is actually benefitting me or if I am there because I am attached to my therapist. Sometimes I am not as clear but most of the time I can see it's benefits. I may not be in it for life and even if I am maybe it will be less regularly as in once a month but the idea doesn't scare me as much. Lots of people who can afford it will pay yearly gym membership or hire a personal trainer for years to benefit their physical wellbeing whynot the same for emotional wellbeing.

Back from drinks and dinner with colleagues. Fun. I wish I tried the bourbon ginger agave ancho reyes cabernet drink called Dueling at Dawn, though.

The woman in the dean’s office told me I could order my problem student to change his behavior immediately. I’m giving him a letter to that effect after class tomorrow and also emailing it, cc’ing her. One of said colleagues is going to come to my class to witness the student receiving the letter and also he seems to think I might not be safe on my own. Then he cutely apologized if he seemed too alpha male. I was touched, actually. He’s ex-Navy, so I wouldn’t want to mess with him.

So if the kid is the same on Monday, I can kick it up to the dean right away.

I’d love to see an insurance company code for “soul work.”

I don’t object to long-term therapy, except I don’t think it should be with the same therapist. There’s a real danger both parties will get too comfortable in the relationship and it’s not a therapist-client relationship anymore and stuckness results. I also think you can only learn so much from any one person, whether it’s a teacher or a parent or a therapist.

ETA: I think the length of “long” probably varies between clients too.

haha me too. that's why i mentioned i pay out of pocket.

Yep. L and I pretty much talked about that very thing in my session a few hours ago and that's part of the reason why i'm taking a break again now after today.

is it really "long term therapy" though if it's not with the same therapist? just curious.

All fourth year exams are DONE! I passed radiology with an A.



I want to say thank you for all the love and support.

I have to go register on tuesday and classes start again on the 1st of october.

I'm planning on going back on friday the 20th and maybe returning here on the 31st.

Ooooo dueling at dawn is a catchy drink name. Perhaps go tomorrow night with una?

I'm glad their actually taking it seriously and alpha navy man talks sense. I would also do what Pol suggested and have security there before too.

I think in my book it would still be long term regardless of the T changing.

Thank you @@. I really laughed when I read this.

My three year anniversary with R is coming on in december (the 16th to be precise.) I'm just honestly glad i'm not where i was when we first started.

Could you limit your exposure time to them? Stay for the bare minimum and leave early.

I think it would be worth considering. As an outsider looking in you really have been struggling a lot and maybe it would be worth doing if it kept you safe?

If this my plate I would notice the missing chip.

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Cheesy movie that actually looks good!