Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

Welcome to the couch, old and new! A place to hang out - sometimes you get immediate feedback, sometimes you don't.

Shouting, "Cool Whip" tends to bring others out from between the cushions if you're feeling lonely.

This is a chatty thread. All are welcome. We're kind of psychologically oriented, sometimes. We try to be supportive. At times we discuss what that means.

It’s a place to plop down on the couch when you come home from work or wherever, or wake up in the middle of the night, or check in at lunch, rant a bit or not, and be among friends.

We advise you not to drink or drug and text your therapist ("T") - we speak from experience.

Sometimes the thread moves fast and you might get overlooked; sometimes it moves slowly and all you hear are crickets. Sometimes you get hugged or thanked pages later. So if it's a bigger question, you might want to start a new thread.

Grab a cushion, a spot on the floor, or an armchair in the corner and make yourselves comfy.

Thread title: Wikipedia

Thanks Lost! I love a fresh sofa.

Morning new couch.

I really don't want to go to IOP this afternoon or even to see T.

Freaking out.. I start my internship tomorrow. I will be working with a social worker (lmsw) on her case load until January. She is a social worker who works in a local middle/high school. We will be doing a mix of counseling, home visits, education, and different groups.

Feeling like with the anxiety and issues with relationships I have been having this summer I am in no place to be doing this work myself.

Hi Couchies. Really trying hard to not SH today. First day back at work after the long weekend. I struggled over the weekend with my mood, as it was very low. I told some people IRL that I was not feeling well at all, even mentioned SUI. I'm proud of myself for at least doing that much. Coming back to work might be helpful. Being busy, etc. But all I really want to do is cocoon myself in my bed. I see T tomorrow. We will see how helpful that is. HUGS to anyone who wants one. Lost, thanks for the new couch. HUGS Kit

I feel massively depressed and I can't seem to stop feeling this way. After years of medication and years of therapy, I wonder if I am any better than I was before. I think the depression might be making my thoughts negative so I'm trying not to go there. It's just getting harder to keep on keeping on. HUGS Kit

Hugs all around.

Have you looked around at the others who are doing what you want to be doing? I don't think they are all that different at all. If it is what you want to do, then I think you will be fine.

So that therapy session turned into a mess...I really don’t know how I feel about my T right now. When he has to reassure me that he doesn’t resent me, that’s probably a sign that a session has taken a bad turn...I’m tired of him taking everything so f***ing personally.

LT, did you ever hear back from backup T? HUGS Kit

You seem torn about whether you want him to behave personally or not. You seem to be crying out for him to be authentic, compassionate, and in relation with you - you want an intimate connection which by its very nature is personal.

When you say you don't want him to take things personally, I read that you want him to be able to withstand an intimate connection with you without him acting out - even if you are acting out. This seems understandable to me and it would be within the skill set of a humanistic therapist.

Thanks, Kit. I had contacted the consulting T last week, she gave me her availability. I didn’t reply for a few days, then wrote back Thursday morning. Didn’t hear back do followed up today. Hoping she still has opening this Friday or else next week. I need to talk to a professional about what’s going on with my therapy. And she’s trained in attachment stuff, so hope she can help me figure it out. I’m so torn between...is my T just acting in my best interest and it’s hard for me to accept that? Or are we just stuck in some cycle, maybe of transference-countertransference? Or something else where we just keep triggering each other? In other words, is this something we can work through, and it will ultimately help me therapeutically? or do I need to just walk away?

LT--I hope you can get in to see the consulting T so you can get some of this sorted out. It sounds like it's very important to sort out but a neutral party sounds essential. I hope she has time on Friday or next week so you don't have to wait too long. HUGS Kit

Yes, I think I want him to be able to sort of hold my feelings. I feel I’m getting the negative side of his sharing his feelings with me without the positive. Like if at times he was like “I care very much about you, so it’s hard to see you hurting like this” to balance out the “I feel you’re trying to control me” or “you’re being manipulative,” then I think I could deal with it. But it’s like I’m just getting his negative reactions. And it would be good to explore what they’re really about. He seems open to that at times but not others.

Maybe I do need a humanistic one, but they seem sort of rare in my area per Psychology Today (despite my area having quite a few T’s, like kind of a ridiculous number really). The one I’m attempting to consult with again (possibly see longer term?) is trained in attachment issues.

What modality was your previous therapist? How does your experience of their approaches differ?

Hey, just staking out a cushion so I can find my way back later. Hugs and head-nods all around.

LT, I'm sorry your post-vacation session went sideways on you.

At a coffee shop trying to get work done but failing miserably.

God, I hate feeling like this.

I guess I just do not see why it has to balance? I mean, Info won’t go all gooey on me about how she cares (the woman can learn) but she will say “I felt attacked when you said x like that.” To me it’s useful information, not a negative reaction (and I can see why she feels attacked when I think about it) and it’s helped me irl a bit. Like, do you think maybe other people feel manipulated by you? If not, it’s not useful information for you, if yes it could be.

I see it as a friend’s job to tell you the first, and also the second, but I don’t see it as the therapist’s job to tell you the first at all, nice as that might be. I see their job as a lot closer to telling you the second, though maybe not so directly as he does. When did he say “you’re being manipulative”? I remember him saying “I felt manipulated,” which is different, and takes responsibility for his own feelings.

Piaf once told me to quit being the therapist, to stop asking about her negative reactions to me. It annoyed me at the time but in retrospect I think she was right. Exploring his negative reactions from the pov of understanding his feelings seems pointless. That’s about him, not you. Exploring your negative reactions to him is much more on point.

By now it’s pretty clear you don’t want what he has to offer as a therapist, so why not move on? It’s a pain to start again but I would not say he has been unuseful to you.

I went to dinner on Saturday at a restaurant with my parents and a friend of ours. The next day my friend told me I wasn't being very hospitable at the dinner. I felt horrible that she felt that way. I think it is the depression. I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like interacting. I just want to lay in bed and I guess I could see that not talking much is not being hospitable. But sometimes surviving is all one can do. I sort of felt shamed. I know she doesn't understand depression but IDK it still bothered me.

Completely unrelated to anything going on at the moment: ATAT, would you be willing to provide a list of your previous Ts' nicknames and reasons for same? I am repeatedly amused and curious about your nicknaming process.

Also unrelated: came across this comic in a book I'm reading ("Trauma Stewardship" by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky -- I'm actually finding it a teensy bit helpful) and thought y'all might also get a giggle out of it.

Well, No. 1, No. 2, and No. 3 are pretty boring. Just the order I saw them in.

Smaug, the evil psychiatrist, because she was a dragon.

The psychiatrists after her, both male, were Dr. Hot (I think?), Ethical Psychiatrist, who moved to another job, and Dr. Semi-Hot, Presumably Ethical Psychiatrist.

I haven’t nicknamed the current psychiatrist. Yoga Pants? She always wears them.

Dr. Biker Chick (DBC): insisted on being called Dr. [first name], very into motorcycles

Marshmallow: seen briefly, she was a flake and all puffy physically (not fat, puffy, if you know what I mean)

Cactus Woman: pictures of cacti all over her website

Flower Pants: always wore flowered pants like the three times I saw her

Piaf: French, and an old pic on her website made her look like Edith Piaf

Info: big typo on her paperwork, in a word all caps and bolded yet, INFORMATINO

Omg thank you. Made my day.

Ex-T was mainly CBT and stuff like that. Ex-MC was psychodynamic and kinda worked that way in marriage counseling (and with me).

Ex-T didn't seem overly helpful in many areas. Ex-MC was very healing and understanding regarding stuff like my childhood, feeling a void inside me, etc. He was extremely accepting of me (up until the rupture), pretty much no matter what I did or said. Which was very different from my childhood experience, where I felt quite judged and that love was more conditional. I often long for a T like that. But I also became very attached to him, like much more intensely than to my current T. And so I worry if I had an individual T like that, I'd latch on like a leech and never want to leave. But at the same time...maybe I need that healing experience in individual therapy? I don't know... Like... maybe I need healing stuff. Then could go back to this T (or someone else) and do the other work. Like: Step 1: Healing. Step 2: Become stronger and more self-sufficient. I feel current T is trying to skip step 1.