[sunrise]

I'm only 3 days in to an 18 day break from therapy. Sadly, this is coinciding with my feeling really down. Maybe it's the holidays or my personal circumstances or some recent negative and hurtful experiences with people who are very important to me, but I just feel like such a failure and so depressed. Like I just don't want to be here anymore. Here meaning planet Earth. Like if I didn't exist anymore, it would be OK. Feeling this way, it seems pointless to even go to therapy. What can a therapist do for you when you feel this way? I have been tempted to call and cancel my appointment with T, just because I feel so glum and hopeless. What is that all about? The appointment is 15 days away and maybe by then I will feel fine.

But it makes me wonder, what can a T do in therapy if you feel so down? If I were to go to therapy today, feeling this way, what would I hope to get from T? I feel that I would just want to sit with him and be down, be sad, cry, let him feel my hopelessness, but I wouldn't want to talk about it. I have no desire to tell him anything. Just be with him and let him hold my feelings of sadness and hopelessness. I kind of want him to physically hold me while I cry, but when I truly try on that idea, I know I don't really want it. It would be uncomfortable and awkward. So what would I hope for from the session? Just the empathy, the non-physical holding, maybe him pulling himself close to me on his chair and looking at me so directly and warmly in that way he has, and feeling all of his energy there in the room, so powerful. It might awaken mine. I don't know.

I think if I heard what your T's would do, it might cheer me up. I don't know why. Tell me what your T's would do....

[Mouse_]

T would ask me to talk about it and just seeing her caring smile would help me, and also her caring little "yes" as I tell her how I'm feeling.

[ECHOES]

(((( sunrise )))) I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. You have been through so much and this holiday must feel odd to you with the changes that you've so bravely and courageously made.

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feel that I would just want to sit with him and be down, be sad, cry, let him feel my hopelessness, but I wouldn't want to talk about it. I have no desire to tell him anything. Just be with him and let him hold my feelings of sadness and hopelessness

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Yep. Just being there with T, who accepts us as we are, allows us to just.. be.

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I kind of want him to physically hold me while I cry, but when I truly try on that idea, I know I don't really want it. It would be uncomfortable and awkward.

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Yes but it's comforting to think about anyway. I agree that reality would be so awkward, odd, that the comfort imagined when thinking about it just wouldn't be there.

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Just the empathy, the non-physical holding, maybe him pulling himself close to me on his chair and looking at me so directly and warmly in that way he has, and feeling all of his energy there in the room, so powerful.

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Wouldn't that feel so good.

I think all this would help you feel connected to life again.

Sometimes just going to session when I feel like you are now takes great effort. But just being there in T's warm acceptance feels so good. Being able to talk about what's going on and being heard and accepted can help lift the weight of what I'm struggling with. Internally I am usually saying to stop feeling the way I"m feeling. T lets me know it's perfectly fine to feel what I feel. I can just 'be' there.

[MissCharlotte]

((((sunrise))))

I'm sorry you are so down. You certainly have every right to feel that way. Maybe you are grieving the life you left behind even though you wanted to. It was a big part of you. Maybe you are also missing T? That's enough to make me depressed. I am one day into a two week break and I am personally pretending it does not exist--just wait till next week and I'm sure you will hear me crying the blues!

Anyway, if I came to T depressed, he would sit with me and hold me as you mentioned. (Psychologically, not physically). His voice would be super gentle and soft. He would ask me gentle questions and try to get me to talk about it. He would validate my feelings. He would tell me I could call him if I need to. He would be there for me.

[MissCharlotte]

Hi
Add on to previous post

T would also lead me to try and figure out where the source of the depression is; when it started; what I was doing just prior; what the trigger was.

Maybe focusing on establishing a completely new holiday tradition can help?

Peace


Hope you are feeling better.

sister..... that sounds very simliar to what my T would do... he would also reasure me that it is ok to cry... and seeing... his.. "concerned" face would make me feel better..


then... if I continued in that vein... for another session.. because I am DID.... he would ask to talk to another alter.. and we might have a "discussion" on that... cause... I feel that is a "sneaky" way of getting to "someone"... an alter that would help.... though.. I really know... that is his way of really helping the all of me... he only does this when things see really unmoveable... I can be very stuborn...

he'd do what he has been doing for months... work with me. i have been depressed for a long time but i am guess you mean a sort of accute kind of crisis depression or meltdown of sorts though.

you know? i am not sure what he would do if i broke down.. it's one of my lingering fears.

with the depression i have been in, sometimes we do support stuff... othertimes i have deliberately asked that we just pretend i'm not depressed and work on other stuff. i get so depressed for long periods that if i waited for it to lift i wouldn't get anywhere

i am very sorry you feel such intense sadness. for what it's worth, i have always found your responses to me to be insightful and thoughtful. i am always interested because you have such a strong voice and spirit.

(((((sunrise)))))

[sunrise]

Thanks everyone, for sharing what your T would do. And thanks for the well wishes and thanks to Jello, for saying I have a strong voice and spirit. Well, maybe on some days.... I liked reading about the "caring smile" of mouse's T; the warm acceptance of ECHOE's T, who allows her to "just be"; the soft and gentle voice of sister's T; the reassurance that freewill's T gives her, that it is OK to cry; and the willingness of MzJelloFluff's T to work with her no matter what. I found hearing about how your therapists help you to be comforting.

I have been on PC for 11 months now, posting mostly in the Psychotherapy forum.Not only do we get to know each other here, but we get to know the personalities and quirks of each other's T's! It's like an added bonus and enriches our discussion. We have both the PC members and their gallery of therapists. I hear so much about your therapists that I sometimes wonder what they look like. In my 11 months here, many posters have come and gone. I remember fondly the members who don't visit this forum anymore and also their T's, for example: SecretGarden, Talulah, and more recently, alexandra_K. I know I'm missing many.... This has been a great forum for me--very therapeutic!

not to steal the thread.. but does anyone know what happened to alexandra_k??

[jacq10]

(((((((((((Sunrise)))))))))))

I'm sorry you're feeling so hopeless right now But I don't think that means your T wouldn't be able to help you.

I remember feeling how you described above with my old T ... I'd go into her office and sit down in that big bright room and just want to close the blinds and hide under a blanket for all i wanted to tell her. She'd pull her chair up closer to where i was sitting, and lean in a bit. In those sessions, i wasn't really much of a talker (partially because i didn't know how i was feeling, and i also just didn't want to talk about it because it was so painful). But at that point, she knew me well enough to know that she still had an "in", a way that she could help me. So she would get out her relaxation book and just start reading to me. Sometimes we would do that the whole session, or sometimes just for part. Mainly though, she was just there. She was just there.

Sometimes all anyone really needs to know is that someone is there. That presence alone can help ease the pain, and guide us back to "reality" if you will ... telling us that they're just a person like us, and that we are wanted and needed in this world.

So while you may feel at ends with things right now, you just have to try and remember that there are people who deeply care about you in this world. Hell, there are probably people who even think of you as their world. So go to your T ... and even if you don't feel like talking, let him do it. Let him comfort you just by the sound of his voice, by being another person in the room on your side.

You have all of us here too in your corner .. routing for you, caring for you, and hopefully helping you realize what a special person you are for many people.

I sincerely hope things improve for you...

Jacqueline

[Perna]

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sunrise said:
If I were to go to therapy today, feeling this way, what would I hope to get from T?

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When I am miserable and go to T I hope for hope! I look to see if she'll say something that speaks to me and makes me feel better or gives me something else to think about/work on. Sometimes just inconsequentials, little smiles, jokes or even astringent comments help me. I still use her comment, "Not with that attitude!" from 1978 :-) to get me rethinking what I'm doing and how my thoughts and mood are causing me some of my own problems.

[lauren_helene]

I've gone to therapy many times in the state you talk about. He's responded differently but my favorite was when he asked me 'how's work?'.

I burst out laughing and said 'are you kidding me?' I'm all depressed and you ask how's work? Maybe he knew I'd have that reaction since he knows me so well.

I'm sorry you are feeling depressed. Long breaks are so hard too.

Take care

((((((Sunny))))))))
I want you here on Earth with us!

Hmmmm. My T listens attentively to what I say. He puts things in a different light at times. Sometimes I can see it that way, sometimes not. When I start to sit and just stare at the floor, he starts to talk in his "soothing" voice and I physically start to calm down. If I'm not saying anything, he'll ask, "Is what I'm doing helping you?" Then he asks something like Is there anything else that we can do?" That is my favorite question he asks. I have yet to answer it honestly, LOL! jk I hope you feel better soon, Sunny. Take care of yourself!