Couch 214: The chihiro couch

Yes, I'm aware which is why I didn't do it. I know she'll do whatever she wants to anyway. I also think it was incredibly stupid for her to go get a haircut right now.

Don't get me wrong, I hate politics. It's all so dramatic, fake, sensationalized, petty, distorted, etc. However, it's important to "do" politics to the extent that you at least attempt to vote people into office who will advance the interests of the people (not just economically privileged people, not just men, not just white people, not just corporations, etc.). Another saying I've seen on bumper stickers is "If you don't vote, don't complain."

Yes. From the womens lib movement in the 60s. Birth control, women getting fired for getting pregnant, racial stuff, lgbtqia, stuff like that - the personal is political.

I found where my old pdoc that I really liked works at now, but from the website, it doesn't look like they accept my insurance. Really a bummer since I haven't had a constant pdoc since he left the practice.

Ugh, I'm sorry. Sounds like my mother-in-law, who is 70, diabetic, and obese (and I think has mild asthma, so that's like 4 risk factors) and keeps insisting on going out to stores to get what she needs, even though H offers to get stuff for her. She says, "I just needed to get out of my apartment!" At least now I think she's been going to some of the "senior hours" at grocery stores, but I know at one point, she was in Whole Foods in the middle of a Saturday, when of course it's going to be crowded...

She's pretty close to my D, so I worry about something happening to her... At least my parents are being sensible and careful about things, at least from what they're telling me.

Hair salons are still closed by me, but I really question why people are going to those or, worse, nail salons in places where they're open. I mean, my hair is a bit shaggy now, but I'll wait (or trim it myself--which I may be doing with H's hair soon). It's that you can't socially distance when getting a haircut or manicure.

Did you end up seeing your T yesterday, after the emails, NP? How did it go?

Early morning walk

I’ve got a hair appointment May 26. I definitely think with the regulations they have to follow here (limited customers, temp checks, masks for all, gloves for the stylist, clean every station after every use), plus given what we’re learning about transmission of this virus, it’s safer than a bar or a mall or a plane or dining in at a restaurant right now—and people are packing those where they’re open.

Is it completely safe? Nope. Neither is the grocery store. But until there is a vaccine or a treatment, our public lives for the next few years are going to be a series of calculated risks because nothing will be completely safe. I’m not comfortable getting takeout however protected, others are; I’m comfortable going to a hair salon I trust with protection, others aren’t.

I find some of the steps they are implementing to be ridiculous. Temperature taking is not an effective way of determining if someone has the virus or not. I think it is important not to erode privacy rights just because of panic. I am fine with distancing as such but some of the stuff is mere window dressing with no benefit. I am pretty much willing to do most everything except get on a plane - and I hated air travel before the virus stuff hit.
Life is not safe. I think the fragile illusion of safety is coming to the forefront. I don't want anything to happen to my elderly parent -but something will at some point happen to us all. I would rather it be because we were living rather than in a huddled ball of fear.
Knee jerk responses that lead to the erosion of rights frightens me more than the idea of catching this virus does.

Agreed on the temp checks. Many people don’t have a fever, apparently, even if they’re otherwise symptomatic.

I agree that temperature taking isn't useful, especially with asymptomatic people who can transmit it. It seems like a way for a place to *look* like they're being safe without really doing so.


It is sort of fascinating to me how different people feel different activities are safer. Like, I wouldn't feel comfortable getting a haircut right now, but I'm totally fine with getting takeout, as the majority of places we get it from now do curbside and put it right in the trunk. We pay online. We do sometimes have to sign credit card receipt, but take our own pen. And the servers are always wearing masks and gloves. Once it's in the house, I'll open the container, wash my hands well, then transfer the food to a plate.

I'm just curious to see what will happen when restaurants open up more in my area (which they're talking about possibly doing soon, with limited seating capacity, maybe dividers between seats, and/or only outdoor areas open with limited capacity). How many people will actually go? And will places keep offering takeout and delivery? I know I wouldn't go out someplace right away, would want to see how things go in the few weeks after they reopen (like is there a surge?) and would try to go at an off time when there would be fewer people anyway, like 3 pm on a weekday or something.

I'm anxious today. I don't know why particularly. It might be because Pastor T and I decided to go to every other week sessions. I'm okay with that, and actually happy with that, but it may have caused the increase in anxiety, even though this is the outcome I wanted! Less contact! Plus he said if I get triggered or something is too much I can text him and we can set up an earlier appointment. He said his schedule isn't so packed right now that he cannot afford to be flexible. He was very precious and said that he wasn't trying to abandon me or dump me--which I wasn't even thinking. But we have been working on my goals and besides the one I am really working on there's not a lot more that I feel I need to discuss with him. So taking a step back seems like a good step to me. I could be anxious about something completely unrelated because I do have general anxiety disorder but I can't really think of anything. Then again I woke up anxious. It was one of those days where I felt the need to check on everyone to make sure they were okay. Luckily my Dad got up before I left for work and I got to talk to him and I know he is okay. HUGS to anyone who wants one, Kit

Does anyone know if Goodwill is taking donations during this? I know their stores were considered "essential" in my state.

To add to pandemic annoyances, I have to go in to my office tomorrow (I haven't been since March 5). Phase I of my building's renovations is almost done and Phase II has everyone with offices in my wing moving to the renovated wing so they can redo our wing. So we have to go in and get any personal items--professional movers will do the rest. I have a carpet that's mine in there, and no use for it at home, hence Goodwill.

We have to wear a mask and gloves at all times in the building. Not looking forward to that, as 15 minutes in the store with a mask on is already tough (end up feeling like I can't breathe), and I'm only allowed in the building for 3 hours to pack and will need most of it.

ETA: LT, the takeout problem for me isn't the delivery--it's who's preparing the food and are they healthy and is their kitchen clean.

Good question about Goodwill. I had just assumed they weren't taking donations, but maybe?


As for takeout, I've read that they don't think it could be transmitted via eating food, hence my main concerns about the containers and such, like not wanting to touch the container, then my face. As a germophobe with contamination fears, I already worry some about foodborne illnesses in restauarants and carryout, so some of that is already on my radar. Like haven't been to Chipotle in a few years despite liking their food because they had a few big foodborne illness outbreaks in a row.

My calculated risk is going to therapy sessions. That's more important to me than a haircut at the moment even though it's looking pretty shaggy. Also, I don't think I can wear a mask for the length of time required. I feel anxious and like I'm suffocating. Unfortunately, I consciously realized that what I think is behind this is a specific instance of abuse that happened, so now not only do I physically hate it, I also am reminded of that event.

They laid off another person on my team this week. I'm feeling anxious now. I had wanted to talk to my manager about possibly taking some PTO for mental health reasons. My therapist said he'd help me figure out how to approach that conversation, but I'm worried that would turn into a good reason to lay me off next. I feel stuck. I'm having serious difficulties getting actual work accomplished and now I'm scared to ask for what I need to help with that problem.

Re goodwill - check your local goodwills online site.

That is steep! You must have quads of steel!

I emailed him Sunday evening about meeting on Zoom and why. He replied later that night that he trusted me to know what I needed. When I woke up Monday I saw that email. I decided I was going to drive down to his building and do the meeting from my car because I felt like I needed some proximity or possibly ask him if I could still come in person if he was there, depending on how I felt. He emailed me about 2 hours before session saying that he was going to be in his office, that he had no intention to shame or scold me in case I changed my mind. I felt like he was giving me a way to change my mind without saying that he wished I would come in person and I appreciated that. I decided to go. It was a little uncomfortable, but everything is good between us. I don't think he understood exactly why I got upset on Friday, but that's okay. The only problem now is that every relational interaction with other people is apparently going to be viewed through the lens of me misunderstanding where the other person is coming from or me reading something into the conversation that isn't there. I don't like that. I feel like he doesn't trust my side of things now.

Temp checks seem like they belong to the beginning of the outbreak, when people didnt even know they had it or were getting it.

Hugs, I'm glad he reassured you and that things seem good between you. What do you mean by his not trusting your side of things? However you react to or feel about what someone else says is valid, whatever their intention.

I had a Skype call with my mother over the weekend. I told her I wasn't a huge fan of Skype but she really wanted to Skype so I relented and we did. We usually just text and before Covid it was not all that often, mainly because I feel like I need some distance. Not that I've told her that, but it's a topic in therapy. At the end of our Skype, she asked me if we could do this again, I said okay and she suggested doing it every 6 months. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. On the one hand, she's not pushing me, but on the other hand, 6 months? I guess I felt a little hurt by that. When I told my therapist about this exchange, he started asking me for details about what exactly was said and exactly how it was said. I'm pretty sure he thinks that I'm reading into this that she doesn't want to talk to me and that's probably not what her intention was depending on how she said it. I don't know. It just felt like he doesn't trust my perspective on conversations now because I got triggered by what he said to me on Friday. I admit, I sometimes read too much into what people say and in a way that reinforces how I feel about myself. That's a really tough thing to fix, or at least I've had trouble with it. I just don't want to get into a pattern where we have to analyze every single conversation to figure out how I read it wrong. It's possible that sometimes I'm reading it exactly correctly. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm just being too sensitive about this. I'm going to bring it up next time we meet.

I don’t know about that. There are definitely people I’ve met whose accounts of conversations I wouldn’t trust because they “hear” things that aren’t there. But you show self-awareness that you know your stuff plays a role—like you even said that when you were telling us about your therapist upsetting you Friday. Presumably you show him the same self-analysis, so why wouldn’t he trust you?

The key is really not acting on something you know is your stuff, in my experience.

I have a session at 3 and have spent all damn day anticipating it (which is saying something since I woke up at 4:30--transitioning from nights sucks). That usually means I'm setting myself up for disappointment.

Hugs, I hope it goes well and you're not disappointed. I often have that fear, too, though when I keep anticipating something.

Today in amusing things misheard over video therapy: Dr. T said how something should be thrown in the "cat litter box," as in tossed away. And I thought he said, "catheter box," and I was like, "What?" (Many years ago, I worked for the Journal of Urology.)