i figure i have to cut him a break.. i'm not easy to work with... i have told many people in chat that IRL i am pretty intimidating, it's my protection i guess. Either way, i am not "fuzzy" at all. i can be pretty aggressive in a nonphysical way. i can deliver razor blade comments which can cut just about anyone down. i actually gave him the finger the other day. yeah. i'm a freak and i can be a complete bee with an itch. (if you get what i mean)

so i am losing my anger toward him. now i just feel a kind of emptiness. i'm not feeling like going back now. i told him i might not... i dont know.

i could walk away right now and the feelings about this would carry me through. Right now i could cut the bond and be ok... which is not the case normally. So, if i want to walk then now is the time.

so much other %#@&#! going on in my life right now... i really dont need or want crap with T to be an issue now too. i needed him to just be on my side for now, be supportive, be an anchor. If he cant be that during these kinds of times then i dont know why i am there... to add to my stress?

[Perna]

I once threw my shoes at a T.

{{{MzJello}}} Hope you figure out what will help.

[(JD)]

(((MZ))) I guess the best thing for you to do is make a pact with yourself that you will NOT leave your T while you are feeling like you really want to! In fact, it might be good to not make any major decisions when you are feeling so poorly.

You are't doing it all wrong, btw. Therapy is work, hard work. THIS is what is difficult about it. Many ppl think the therapy is work because they sit and share all their inner secrets. While that can be tough, the work is maintaining life, managing the feelings that arise between sessions, considering the suggestions by the T and working on them during the week... yeah that is the real work. You're doing it right.

TC One foot in front of the other... you'll get through this tough patch, and your relationship with the T will be strong enough for anything in the future.

omg perna...really? that's awesome. i now have a new respect for you. You'd be my hero if you beaned her/him in the forehead.

i don't think my T is used to having a client flip him off. In fact, i am betting right now he does not have many clients that see him long term like me. Insurance and crap. About 50% of his practice is pain management.. i am pretty certain i am kinda different for him. He is generally cautious with me for this very reason. i am a high flight risk.

Thank you sky... i have to make choices when i feel poorly because that has been my life for a long time. i'd never do anything if i waited for the misery to lift. i don't know how much people realize how much pressure i have been living with... a train wreck... even T said so. It makes me vulnerable to raging differences in mood and temperment. i try so hard but it's exhausting. That's why i am fed up with T.. he should not have pulled this crap on me now.

He doesn't like the word "fault" but on the phone he said his choice was a mistake. and i know everyone can make mistakes

i just dont know what to think.