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#1
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I'm pretty scared and have been uneasy for the past two weeks.
Long story short, T and I talked about taking a personality test, the big one MMPI-2. Well, what a whirlwind of emotions and defensiveness I had as I was answering the true/false questions. Also, I was paranoid about the prior therapy session and I think that influenced me when I answered questions. Anyway, it didn't come back good at all. I was quite shocked actually because many of my answers threw me into the antisocial/paranoid category. T was going over point by point in such a clinical and matter of fact way that it scared me. He seemed to take it personal too that I answered 'trust no one' and other stuff. I faxed him a letter and explained my feelings about the test and our work. I feel like so much is about to change and we were just using this for informational purposes he said. He did say if he was diagnosing me which he isn't he'd go with Borderline. He did try to make me feel a bit better about some of it but when I tried to explain why I answered a certain way he'd say well that is antisocial or whatever. It wasn't in my mind, antisocial to me is criminals or abusers etc. I am none of those things. He said I showed high rebellion, defensiveness and behaviors outside of the social norm. That hurt me because when we've talked about those behaviors he has always tried to get me to see the beautiful side to them. My fax explained all of this and I didn't expect him to call. Why do I feel like a therapy contract is coming my way? Or, am I being paranoid?
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My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#2
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Surely your T knows you the person? Why would he need you to take a test?? Its that incompentence on the part of the therapist?
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
#3
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I'm glad you took that MMPI for your doctor. It will give him a direction to go in, or if he was uncertain because of therapy sessions past, give him assurance of how to help you. What's in a label anyway? It's for continuity of care, so everyone is on the same page with goals, and for being paid by the insurance company. BTW you don't have to BE paranoid to have feelings of paranoia.
What would upset you with a therapy contract? I think it would be good to review the feelings you have about this. If you think all you can do is agree to show up for session, then make that contract. ![]() The good thing from what I read is even if you do have some antisocial tendencies, that's changeable. ![]() The test (any test) doesn't change anything about who you are: it just shows how you feel about it all. You're the same person after the test that you were prior to; knowledge gives you a key to open the healing door! TC
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#4
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No I asked him for it I'm always taking free on line tests. One time I saw something on his whiteboard and he said oh that is to explain how a personality test works.
I said oh really and he said why do you want one? At first I said NO but then later I asked him about it. Watch what you ask for I guess. He seemed pretty upset/frustrated about how it came out in certain areas. But perhaps if I was working with someone for two years and a test like that came back maybe I would feel like a failure. I can't say this is how he felt but I felt something different from him. Like I said at the end he said we've have a lot of work to do and wants me to believe him when he says good things about me. We'll see.
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My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#5
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The MMPI is very scary. I took that with my first therapist. I would think of it as helping your T get a better idea of your thinking, faster. It helps him see where his feelings about you were correct or incorrect and clarifies things.
As he said, he's not diagnosing you and saying that was good, goes along with his beautiful side of rebellion. If he were to have thrown up his hands and said, "Oh, no! You're borderline!" then I would have worried :-) There's always at least two sides to everything. I think he wants you to feel better/more comfortable and is hoping having a clearer idea of where you fall in the norms of zillions of people who have taken the MMPI will help you feel more "secure". It doesn't "mean" anything about you, it is just like saying you like your eggs scrambled with pepper, no salt. You can change what you like, how you behave and what you think and do, decide to grow in another direction, etc. at any time. He thought you were more borderline than antisocial; that's a good thing. And antisocial is most often seen in young adults and gets better in middle age. It just means you don't like other people's rules and other people telling you what to do, don't like working in groups or socializing. Yes criminals often have antisocial personality disorder but the opposite isn't true that all people who are antisocial are criminals. I think it is good to question, "is this wrong or am I just paranoid". Uncomfortable though. Hopefully your T will explain more and work to make you more comfortable with what worries you. It's good you sent him the fax.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#6
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Almeda,
I understand being scared and frustrated at the result of tests. Remember, a lot of things can affect the testing situation like anxiety and so forth. I had testing done and I hated what it said. They did the Rorshock Test on me, which was a poor choice since this was going to go into my record. Keep moving on, and stamp all over your results if it makes you feel better. But keep pushing forward. Take care of yourself! ![]() |
#7
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almedafan, I'm sorry that test has caused you so much stress. I am glad your T is not using it for diagnostic purposes. After so long of doing therapy with him, he surely knows your issues and doesn't need test results. If I were you I would just put the test behind me, chalk it up to just something "fun" that I did on a rainy day, and not let it damage my self esteem. I expect you could take the same test in a month, and score far differently, because the answers we give are so strongly influenced by our current mood and emotions, etc. It's kind of like taking one of those quizzes in a women's magazine--kind of interesting but not too helpful in real life. Don't let it bug you!
![]() In what way do your think your therapy might change direction? From what to what? </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> Why do I feel like a therapy contract is coming my way? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post">What does that mean? Like you sign a written document that spells out your treatment? Why? It doesn't sound like a positive thing to me, the way you wrote it. In my therapy, all I have signed is the standard informed consent form. Could you just work out verbally with your T what you two will be working on? If there are any techniques you feel uncomfortable with, just don't agree to them. Good to see you posting again, almedafan. ![]() ![]() ![]()
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#8
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thanks for a different perspective on the results perna and sunny. The result did scare me.
Another thing that scares me is taking a hard look at myself in a way I never have. Because in the past, those in authority have not used it to help me but to hurt me. One therapist on my first session handed me a therapy contract about boundaries/suicide and contracting not to do it. I have no idea why she started out like that other than I had gone to her because I scratched my face a little bit during an episode with my first husband. But she didn't know that until I told her. Anyway, it humiliated me so I never went back. When I told T I know I cross some boundaries with him he shook his head in agreement. So knowing this and taking the test, I am assuming he is going to hand me a contract this coming Wednesday. Is sending a fax breaking boundaries? I know calls can be, asking for additional time or sessions etc. I'm going to ask him how else I've crossed boundaries...the answer kind of scares me though. I'm so sad because I feel like something inside me has died...I'm looking at my T in a whole new light. The fantasy in my head about being his friend is just that, a fantasy. I realize that now and have cried all week about it. If he is going to be able to help me and if I am going to be able to go deeper, I need to maintain his boundaries so he doesn't lose respect for me. If I respect and care for him as I say I do then I need to respect his boundaries. I just need to know exactly what that means to him. I just don't want one of those written contracts. I realize I am assuming he will give me one but I had a second session last week and then the fax....I'm scared.
__________________
My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#9
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Almeda,
I'm hoping that at your next sessin with T that you can clear things up. Can you ask him why he felt frustrated at the results? Ask your T to tell you specifically what his boundaries are. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> I'm so sad because I feel like something inside me has died...I'm looking at my T in a whole new light. The fantasy in my head about being his friend is just that, a fantasy </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I know, Almeda. I'm going through the same thing now -- my fantasy about T being a friend has been shattered. It is one of the worst feelings in the world! My T told me that I have to now mourn this loss. You're not alone here, my friend. ![]() </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> If I respect and care for him as I say I do then I need to respect his boundaries </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yes, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. You may still cross a boundary because you don't know what else to do, and that's okay. It's okay to make mistakes. Tell your T which boundaries you are probably going do have difficulty with (like calling him between sessions or whatever). Ask him what else you can do instead of this to relieve your anxiety. It sounds like you are afraid that your T is going to give you the boot. ((((((((Almeda)))))))) Tell him that fear! I hope your next session allays your fears. Take care. |
#10
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Okay, we're in therapy in the first place because we can't read boundaries well, don't understand what they are and when we've crossed other people's or they have crossed ours, etcetera. That's what we're trying to learn. I don't think the intent is to criticize or punish us for boundary crossing but to show us what's happening?
I don't think contracts and therapy frames are for trying to control us but rather to help keep us safe and "comfortable" so we aren't lost being all over the place from our own "flailing" (what my husband says I do when I get upset :-) It's hard when a therapist starts with serious rules right away without any conversation to cushion them. My therapist, who I hadn't seen in 10 years, started off our "new" first session with, "I'm not an ambulance chaser." I've never done any SI, attempted suicide, been hospitalized, or even related other similar experiences so I felt offended, especially since she should have "known" me from therapy with me before and again, because it was the first session, I wanted to cause a problem before I got suspected of being a problem causer! ![]() But one could argue that it was about me because I reacted to it. That's true. That I took it as an insult is about me and my thinking about the rest of the world because it was clearly not intended as an insult, it was a piece of information. Trying to control this person in front of me that I was thinking of contracting for therapy by attempting suicide would not work. That's good information to know. My granddaughter is 3 and when she gets flustered and crying and acting out, her parents calmly ask her to "Use your words" and they stop and calm the situation down and take the time to help her do so, touching, holding, restraining her and reminding her that they can't understand and help her any other way unless she uses her words to tell them what hurts, what's wrong. They "stay" and are intensely there listening, to help when she gets the words out and help her get what she wants, etc. I wish I'd had my grandchildren when I was in therapy as I think that's a wonderful "picture" of what therapy was like for me.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#11
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said: When I told T I know I cross some boundaries with him he shook his head in agreement. So knowing this and taking the test, I am assuming he is going to hand me a contract this coming Wednesday. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Ahhh, so the contract will be all about his boundaries? If he thinks his boundaries are unclear to you, why not just have a discussion and clearly state his boundaries? Why make a contract out of it? I agree, that is humiliating. I really hope he doesn't do that. If he feels the need to have something written down, why not just give you a sheet of paper with a list of his boundaries and rules? You can read it in his presence. Why make you sign something? Yuck!!! I would think it strange if your T got so upset about a FAX. Are you sure he is bothered by this? I mean, what could be easier than simply telling the client in the next session, "hey, you sent my office a FAX last week, and actually I don't communicate with clients by FAX. Please contact me by phone the next time," or however he likes clients to contact him. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> If I respect and care for him as I say I do then I need to respect his boundaries. I just need to know exactly what that means to him. I just don't want one of those written contracts. I realize I am assuming he will give me one but I had a second session last week and then the fax....I'm scared. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This makes my heart ache for you almedafan. ![]() almedafan, I think you need some hugs and care. I am still curious, how do you think your therapy direction will change because of this? I am keeping my fingers crossed that your T does not whip out some contract about his boundaries. Honestly, T's are supposed to be such great communicators--why not just talk to you about this? GRRRRRRRRRR.... I'm sounding like a broken record. Sorry.... ![]() ![]() ![]()
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#12
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((Almeda))
Oh no, you are braver than I. I would never take any such test! Can you bring up the idea of contracts before he does? Can you say that you think they are hogwash? And what would happen if you refused to sign one--your therapy would be over? ohhhhhhhhh this doesn't feel good. I hope you and T can sort this out positively. Peace ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
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#13
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Sunny I know the whole contract thing scares me. He's never ever mentioned one its just that once my MMPI results came back and I did tons of research on APD and Borderline, over and over I found that most of the discussions centered around setting limits from the beginning and that usually contracts work best.
He knows how I feel about this I did tell him once a female T I saw only once handed me one the first day I saw her. When I left, it hit the ground in many pieces. My husband thinks I shouldn't obsess over this and that it will be fine. The second session was my phone call and he didn't realize it was a second session he said. When I said I was seeing him again the next day and we could talk about the results, that is when I learned he didn't know I needed more time last week. I'll ask him more directly tomorrow. I really hope this session goes well. I want to know how we can move forward. As for the fax, I'm assuming that he'll say something...who knows. I'm usually wrong about these things. I did analyze my fax and saw some important insights about me and I plan to talk about that a little bit. I need a safer environment though for when therapy gets tough. For me that is extra sessions but that may not be what he thinks ya know?
__________________
My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
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