Couch 222: Create, Cooperate, Harmonize

Trust me, you guys are doing the right thing to be pursuing graduate degrees. I wish i had followed thru on the couple i had started. I really think it makes a difference, or will make a difference, in keeping you employed in your later middle ages.

Sorcerers and alchemists were much in demand.

L would say "Ah but there's alchemy, and there's alchemy...." I can just hear her now.

I thought that looked kinda funny, but i couldnt put my finger on it!

Eta: one more shift at the kitchen sink and i should be done. I washed the floor before i began so that will be EZ. I love having a clean microwave. I heard something pop when i was warming up my dinner and i wiped it out immediately.

I want to be both a sorcerer and alchemist.

I already assumed you were. How else could a person drink bulletproof coffee?

Eta - i love Tennessee Ernie Ford. When i was a kid, i thought he was the same person as Tennessee Williams. Pretty talented guy in my book!

I'm excited for this date with geneticist guy tonight. He wants to cook me dinner and watch a scary movie (I have a thing on my dating profile about being too much of a wimp to watch scary movies alone), so I googled "scary movies that aren't too scary" and suggested Little Evil, which is on Netflix. It's supposed to be funny, and I hope it's not too scary--I really am a huge wimp when it comes to horror films

I am nervous about the issue of, um, SIM card shopping. T is always on about the idea that I get physically involved with guys too soon and that this tendency prevents me from having time to suss out the guy's true intentions towards me before I get all emotionally hooked. I dunno if T is right or not (or if he's just a prude/overprotective)... but regardless, I don't feel ready to get all up in geneticist guy's business just yet, and I'm worried that "let me cook you dinner and watch a scary movie with you" is code for something else entirely. I'll have to tell him I want to take things slowly, I guess? I'm never really sure how to frame that particular concept. Like, I'm not Amish or anything, and I consider myself a sex-positive person, but just like... yes, but not yet?

Telling him you have to call your therapist for permission might work...of course there would go the interest probably.

There should be a slow form of SIM card shopping. ATM cards?

OK, I love the Halloween skeleton in the Santa hat and garland!

It's difficult to say whether it's "code" or not. It's been like 15 years since I was in the dating world, but I definitely had guys invite me over to cook/watch a movie, and they clearly didn't expect anything (like didn't put on moves, etc.). One guy even invited me to spend the night, and I assumed things were going to head in a certain direction (and wanted them to--we'd been dating for a bit)--but then apparently, he just meant for me to sleep on the couch (???).

I'd maybe say something relatively early on in the date about wanting to take things slowly. I mean, I wouldn't be like, "I hope you aren't expecting sex tonight," because then he might be offended if you just assumed he was. But "slowly" is generic enough that he should get the point. Or just see how it's going, and if he seems to be putting on the moves, then say something.

As to your T, I could see him being both a prude/old-fashioned and overprotective regarding his thoughts on when to get intimate. And I also don't think that being intimate with someone early means the end of the relationship. Granted, I knew him beforehand as a coworker, but I spent the night with my H (and not on the couch!) on our second date.

I think so much of it is about the guy and what he's looking for, not what you do. If a guy just wants something casual, more of a friends with benefits vs. a relationship, then it's not going to matter what you do or don't do. (Or if he just wants a hookup, but you've seen this guy a few times now, so if he was looking for just a one-time hookup, he's doing it wrong!)

Whatever happens, hope it goes well!

"I'm also worried "let me cook you dinner and watch a scary movie with you" is code for something else entirely. "

Regardless of possible code. I also think it's okay to tell someone if you're not ready or if you don't want to.

I think it's less likely right now that inviting someone over to watch a movie means having sex. I don't know if movie theaters are open in your area, and I assume restaurants are, but even so, lots of people are still choosing to limit those kinds of activities. One of my parents used to go see at least one movie per week and eating out or having a coffee in a cafe were frequent activities. She hasn't done either since March.

And like lemon said, you are allowed to say no for any reason. Anyone worthwhile will be willing to wait and not hold it against you. I do think many guys will take sex if they think it's being offered or you might be amenable regardless of their long term intentions. I wouldn't necessarily rule out a guy who makes a move this early, so long as he isn't pushy and accepts your refusal gracefully.

ETA - And I agree with LT about not informing/accusing him of inviting you over with the intention to have sex. That just introduces unnecessary tension and puts him on the defensive. Not a good start to a date.

So I just learned Info’s husband died. Which explains why she didn’t answer my panicky text about travel today that I sent last night. And also no session Thursday.

The one time I saw him he seemed like a nice kind sort. 2020 sucks, again.

Oh wow. Poor woman. Hope she has family and friends to support her.

Would you consider seeing someone else whilst she's unavailable?

I wanted to be a sorcerer but the program was full.

I don’t need to see anyone else, it’s been three months since our last appointment and this was just to vent about work disability stuff.

Besides, Info is unapologetically mediocre and I don’t want to find some other therapist who thinks they’re better than that, only to have the truth revealed.

ETA: condolence card or not? If she were not my therapist but a familiar acquaintance, I would send one. I’m not going to obsess about it, but one of my first thoughts was I should send one.

If it were me, I would.

Poor Info. With ex-MC, each of us just sent an email, but that was a more...complicated relationship. And I'd found out about it without his telling us. I think a card in this circumstance would be appropriate.

I sent a card and flowers which might have been too much I don't know.

@@, I would send a card.


And chihiro, I think the way to frame "Yes, but not yet" is just the way you did in your post, except no question marks. A guy worth keeping around will be glad of the clarity.

If it were me with L, I would send one.

Third date with geneticist guy was adorable. He cooked me dinner, we watched a not-too-scary movie, and then he brought out a cake he bought with the name of the school where I'll be doing my fellowship, in the school colors and everything! So freaking cute.

He was very gracious when he invited me to do more than make out and I declined. Only trouble is that he is a truly atrocious kisser. Like, imma-eat-your-face bad. If this continues I'm going to have to find a way to redirect that energy somehow...

I'm making a pair of slippers for my son's gf (that match the afghan I made for her a year or so ago). Finished the first one tonight:

sideways again. how odd.

Do humankind a service and give him kissing tips. Also bad kissing when redirected somewhere else can still be bad kissing. If you know what I mean.