Couch 226--CCXXVI Couch

Pin the tail on the donkey!

Went to the vape shop to get a new vape. I need to quit smoking!!! So I have the patch and a vape. I'm getting plenty of nicotine (maybe too much?). So now it's a mental game. I do NOT need cigarettes, I do NOT need cigarettes...

In other news, my session with T went great! It was nerve wracking and awkward at times, but overall I feel good. I LOVED hearing her laugh! And I updated her with everything. She said she's still there if I ever need her, and she's not going to abandon me. She said she's glad I switched to L because she felt like we were getting stuck and it was time for me to move on. And she feels like I'm making real progress with L. I'm really grateful for her and everything she's done.

I know this is bra abuse, but I hook my bras and then just leave them. I put my underwire on like I would a sports bra. I also will wear sports bras out sometimes.

I have searched everywhere that I can think that my needle would be, and I’m coming up empty. It has just pulled a David Blaine. Thankfully Helios doesn’t seem to be in distress so I’m assuming he hasn’t eaten it.

I just do mine normally in the back - so far I am still flexible enough to do it that way and I have always done it that way. I always thought the parts where people put rifles and stuff together blindfolded or in the dark was kind of fun. I might have read too many israeli spy novels - I don't remember the name of the movie or the book but there was one with a really hot woman in the israeli army who had to do that. I think it was in the 80s. Good thing I can still move my arms because sometimes my memory is iffy

I used to have one of those a long time ago. I may have to look into them again, thanks!

Ha. Like everything else, I suppose I have always hooked them in the back because that's how I thought I was supposed to do it and I never thought that I could do it a different way until shoulder pain forced me to.


I just realized what my goal for therapy is, all because of talking about how people put on their bras.

It is to accept this glorious mess of a woman that I am and just begin to actually ENJOY whatever years of life I have left without worrying about what other people think of me and without worrying about "doing it right" whatever "it" may be.

(not that I haven't always found enjoyment in things, it's just, it's always been with the backdrop of excessive worry. I wonder how it would feel to not have that constant stream of worry underneath. That's what I want. To not be constantly worried underneath everything that's going on.)

H just went to pick up dinner. I don't even care if he brings home Burger King - he just got up and said, "I'm hungry. But you rest and enjoy your day off, I'll go pick up dinner." While baseball is on tv even. When I came home from PT this morning did I enter an alternate universe?

Art, maybe you should add “stop calling myself a mess”? Accept yourself, good. But doing it while calling yourself a mess...that seems counterintuitive to me.

Not meant critically, just if you’re framing goals ditching the negative self-talk seems worth doing at the same time.

How do you ask someone if they're okay? Without making it seem like it's not okay to be not okay? Someone I love is grieving, and I don't want them to feel like I'm telling them it's not okay to grieve, be sad, be angry, etc. But I also want to check-in on them.

This how the patriarchy keeps us down!

That and nylons and depilation and cosmetics and childbirth and overrepresentation in service occupations and and...

ETA: my favorite bra trick, which always impresses male dates even though it’s very easy, is to take it off without removing my shirt.

now THAT trick I have always done. Even driving home from work on the highway on a hot summer day!

.... at least i said glorious mess

High heels, women's bodies being public property, and expecting women to take care of everyone's feelings for some more.

Ooh, and psychotherapy, thank you Herr Doktor Freud.

Yeah, why do they think it's so hard? They act like they've seen Houdini do a magic trick.

That is how my mother always tried to get me to do it, but by the time I was wearing bras (as opposed to training bras) I was almost a C cup, and this maneuver was very awkward with large breasts. I didn't need the boys to try a "ti++ie-twister" on me, I'd already experienced one trying to get my bra on that morning!

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk

I'll hop in!

I look at my T's profile on the group practice clinic page pretty regularly just to see her photo. Especially as it's been a year since I've seen her without a mask.

I hear you on the undercurrent of worry. Pretty much why I'm diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder haha! My T says I need to learn how to be better at tolerating uncertainty but uncertainty feels very VERY unsafe for me.

I feel bad. I don't understand why because it doesn't make sense.

Both my pdocs agree I've alters, and therefore likely have OSDD-1 or DID although I don't know if there's an official diagnosis. My T believes me, T2 (gender T) probably believes me.

All that should be reassuring, especially since I often feel I must have made things up and that I've given myself factitious disorder and am just attention seeking.

Yet I feel I'm a giant fraud. Even though 1 alter very obviously gets annoyed when I start thinking I'm faking.

Someone (client with DID) wrote on reddit some of the most common myths that OSDD-1/DID skeptics engage in. Post: Why the heck are clinicians so stubborn that DID isn'''t "real"? : AskDID

r/psychotherapy is notorious for OSDD-1/DID skeptics so the post debunked each and every myth. I feel so very bad (guilty perhaps?) that my clinicians believe me yet that place has horrible therapists who spout bs like "in my 30 years as a therapist, I've never encountered a real DID client. They're all either schizophrenic or BPD."

Perhaps you should avoid reading stuff like that, QM. How could it be helpful for you to do so?

I hook my bra as described by @@.

I call the sports bra thing a uniboob.

That's a good point. I don't know why I do this to myself, sometimes. I'll try!

Re bras, I hook in front then move the bra.

Even though you posted yesterday, but welcome back susannah!