Couch 228--The Wellness Couch

For my small things, absolutely! There are a ton of students around here and they’ll be stoked to take my old dishes and whatnot.

The issue is things that can’t just be lifted up and carted off, like the bookshelf and wardrobe that are both taller than me.

FB people continue to show interest and then host me but I think that someone will probably come through.

Anyone here have any experience with thought stopping? It's like I can't think. Especially not deeply about things. I can't get all philosophical and stuff like that. I used to be able to read a book in two days. I read voraciously. Now I barely read anything except posts on here. My attention span is crap. But I can spend a long time like watching TV or just scrolling through the internet or stuff like that, but not reading. I miss reading. But when I read it's like the page is all jumbled up and it doesn't make much sense. It's hard to follow. I don't know if this is some serious brain fog or if I am getting stupider or if my thoughts have just stopped. I'm having no luck searching on Google for what I mean by thought stopping. My T, Dr. K wants me to counter every negative thought with an affirmation. Dude. I don't have any thoughts. How can I counter them? Yet I know I must be thinking because I am communicating but I am not thinking. Ugh. It's so hard and I'm so desperate to tell him what is going on and yet I don't think I have the words to do so. I did tell him in my fax but I don't know if he is going to get it. Maybe my Vyvanse needs to be increased. IDK. Maybe it is an ADHD thing. I can't figure it out because I am too dumb to think.

It's hot here today like 100 degrees. I turned on the AC at work to 71 but then I have my space heater on for my long muscles in my legs because of my fibromyalgia. I can't get comfortable. At home I would have the AC on and a blanket and be fine. But I don't want to bring a blanket to work.

Hugs to those who want.

I would probably call that trouble concentrating or lack of concentration. I've had the same issues since my trauma.

I felt like that at the worst of my depression, Kit.

hey @@ I saw gluten free oreos at the grocery store a little bit ago. maybe you've already seen them, I recall you recently mentioning you found something or other gluten free. couldn't remember if it was oreos or not.

Yeah, I’ve tried the gluten free ones (both regular creme and double stuf). They taste like normal oreos, but it seems I’ve lost interest in oreos in two years of not eating them.

I haven't started my therapy homework yet. Need to get on that...


the pool at my gym is finally open again today... I plan to go swim after work tomorrow. woohoo!

So in talking about in person, Dr. T said today that he'd be willing to meet outside on occasion (and has done that a total of two times with other clients, including once this past week). But that he didn't know if I'd want that because I tend to cry at least once each session, so he wasn't sure if I'd feel comfortable doing that in public? (Plus potential of other people hearing what we're saying.) I said I felt like being in public would help keep the tears back. He suggested that I "marinate" on it for a bit.

I think I definitely want to try it. But right now, our area is kind of overrun with the 17-year cicadas, which are LOUD (and also fly quite aimlessly, so will crash into people), so I think I'd rather wait a couple weeks until those have mostly gone away? I had said I'd hoped to see him in person in some way (in his office masked was an example I gave) for one session before he goes out of town for a week in late July. But he offered this up, so I think I'll give it a try at some point. Like, it wouldn't be an every-session thing, just an opportunity to meet in person for now. Until the state changes guidelines for "healthcare workers" to see patients/clients unmasked.

Anyone with experiences meeting with their T outside in a public area?

H and I had one session with ex-MC in a coffee shop--Dr. T was surprised to hear that, but ex-MC has said he often will meet with his teen clients there. And we also walked around the courtyard of his office building a couple times, which isn't fully public, but I know the one time I noticed windows open, so other office workers could theoretically hear us.

Speaking of tattoos, if i ever get skinny, im gonna tattoo on my heinie every foodstuff that i stopped eating in order to achieve said skinniness. Then hire my butt out as a Mr Frosty menu.

I bet that was one of Andrew Carnegie’s top business strategies.

For a minute i thought you meant Dale Carnegie.

Nah, that guy’s big idea was to spell his last name, Carnegay, like the Carnegie who was actually successful in business.

Maybe you should spell your last name, whatever it is, more like Buffett? (It would help if your last name was Buffet...)

Don't let misogyny and outmoded ideas about female bodies take over. Fat is a Feminist Issue. Women get to take up space in the world.

Aaaaugh. The POD shipping people claim I never set a pickup date, even though I definitely did and have the chat transcript to prove it. They say they will try to pick it up on the day they originally agreed to, but it might have to stay another day which is not okay because I am paying for a metered spot on my busy street and am only allowed to pay for the spot for 48 hours.

And I also have a flat tire. BF filled up the back driver’s side this morning, which had slowly been going a bit flat. And he also topped up the other three... but this evening now the front drivers side was completely flat even though it was fine before he messed with it. Whaaaat?!??

Seriously, universe?!??

I just dont want to pay to bury myself. I cant donate my body to med school if im too zaftig. Plus nobody wants my ashes. I really would rather just disappear into the ether. When my work here is done, of course.

Ugh, I'm sorry, Chihiro--I hope it gets worked out with the POD pickup. For the flat tire, is it possible he didn't put the valve cover back on completely so air leaked out? Though, I don't think it' supposed to leak like that.

Oof, okay. POD nonsense worked out via multiple emails and phone calls. The tire issue was the valve (good call, LT!) — apparently it was broken already and then when we tried to top it off it just totally gave up the ghost; these really nice guys at a tire shop fixed it for free (though I insisted on paying them $15 and leaving a glowing Yelp review because they were so nice and fast about it).

The bad news is that

So sorry for your BF's loss and that he won't be able to go home.


I'm glad the other stuff has worked out! (And surprised that I called a car issue correctly.)

Chihiro - glad to hear about the POD. Now i understand why i got a flat after filling a low tire. I think. I just know i never touch them now. I am differently abled when it comes to tires. Im good at windshield wiper fluid though.

I hope your BF's family remains safe.

Chihiro so sorry to hear about your BF family. I hope his parents are okay.

Appointment with Pdoc went okay. He upped the anti-psychotic not surprisingly but it's not going to do anything for the thought stopping. He did say that maybe my thoughts are blocked because I have too much in my head with the hallucinations and delusions. Hmmm. I suppose that is a possibility. I feel like crap for having to increase the second anti-psychotic even though I didn't feel like crap when my doctor increased my BP medication. What is it about mental health stuff that makes me feel like crap. I wouldn't want someone else to feel like crap because their meds had to be adjusted, so why am I doing that to myself? UGH. The pharmacy keeps wanting to give me 90 day supplies of stuff only I don't want 90 days supplies of stuff. Costs too much all at once. And I'm worried they are going to mess up my script for the Vyvanse because I should have one month left under the ones he sent in April and then he sent two more but I bet they will use the new ones and not use the one in April and then they will tell me they don't have a script. He was really confused because I upped my appointment a month so he was like trying to figure out the dates needed for the Vyvanse. It was a telehealth visit of course but I got to see his Lucy on the video. She is his therapy dog. She's a King Charles ? I think that is what he said. She is adorable. She is going to classes for therapy dogs.

On a side note, because I got my Pap Smear done, I am going to get $220 from my Colonial Life peeps. I pay a boat load for Colonial Life insurance and I have multiple coverages. So I was surprised that I am going to get that much money. It's pretty cool. Because it only cost me $30 to get the Pap smear done. So I am coming out ahead! And they were really fast at the claim too. My Colonial Life agent guy said to make sure I file for the mammogram too because I'll get like $200 for that! What the heck?! This is the best news ever!

I'm so angry with my therapist. He said he is going to hold off responding to me for 24h because he doesn't think responding to me is helpful right now. That is some kind of power play. If he had just said he was logging off for today that would have been fine, but 24h thing makes it sound like punishment and it is not okay to make out like it is for my benefit when it is obviously for his. He can respond to me when he likes but don't make out that deliberately withholding is supposed to help me.