Couch 228--The Wellness Couch

I don't think it's totally bs. I get that she signed an agreement. Here, if you don't move in on the first, the month is pro-rated. Maybe someone told her to ask. It doesn't mean she's a bad person.

The problem is that this is not the first time she's done something like this. She said she'd buy my furniture from me (which is part of why I selected her as a subletter) and then decided not to, which meant that I had to go through the hassle of selling it on Craigslist/FB marketplace. She said she didn't need to move in until mid-June (while explicitly agreeing to pay the entire June rent under those conditions) and then changed her mind and said June 5th (which was inconvenient for me bc it meant I had less time to deal with selling my furniture). She haggled with me about the window AC unit I sold her, even though I already offered it at a very fair price. And now this bullcrap, after we already had an email exchange about this very issue.

I get that these are slim times, but I don't like feeling like people are trying to squeeze every last possible cent out of me and/or are trying to screw me over. Like, I was cool being friendly about all this and cutting her some slack until she turned it into a nickel-and-dime situation. Apparently she's playing hardball, so I guess I have to get into the game.

I had my mammogram last night. I am worried because I've had some pain in my breast (and a previous bout of cancer on my breast) but I don't feel any lumps so it is probably all in my head. I wasn't nervous about the mammogram until I saw the machine. Looks like something that should be attached to the space shuttle. The woman technician person was very nice and respectful and she marked my scar and my moles so that the people who read the images will know what they are. It wasn't painful which I had been told it was painful. It's more like pressure than pain in my opinion. I'd still rather have that done than a pap smear. I feel good about getting it done and not letting it go like it didn't matter. I feel like I am taking control over my health.

Good job getting that done, Kit! Yeah, the machines are big and intimidating-looking, aren't they? As a large woman, for me the hardest part is standing on tippy toe and contorting my body to get all of my, um, breastal appendage (guess I won't call it the b word here haha) up on the plate. Someone really needs to invent a better way to get those pictures that's for sure. I got a reminder from the imaging place that I'm due again, but I just had one a year ago, my doc said I should get them every 2 years so I'm going to wait another year. I'm assuming my doc said that because she knows my insurance won't pay for it yearly... as I have always gotten them every 2 years or occasionally I waited 3 just because stuff happens.

It’s not a game if you refuse to play. Just say “no” repeatedly, politely, and firmly. There’s no need to escalate this.

I have to do this same sort of thing with a couple of students each semester. I just refuse to engage beyond the “no” and the reason why if necessary.

Yeah, I said no (politely and firmly) and she backed off.

I guess what I meant re: “playing hardball” was that my attitude towards her has changed. I had treating her like a friend (i.e. cutting her slack for changing her mind about the furniture, move-in date) but it turns out that she isn’t treating me that way in return. So I need to change my approach to her and (politely, firmly) hold the line.

I dunno why I go into these kinds of things assuming that people are going to be nice/reliable. Maybe it’s one of those “women are socialized to be too friendly and bad at negotiating” things.

A problem results when not everyone agrees on what constitutes being nice etc and un-named expectations are often not usual. I did X expecting Y when the other person has no idea/expects A and B.

Good job on the mammogram, SK!

I opened a pouch of that barilla pasta the other day and it was black. It looked like someone had sliced too far into the cardboard box they came in at the grocery store and cut right through the pouch. Thankfully it didn't smell, but it was quite off putting. I'll have to look a little closer next time I buy some.

Considering that I'm Asian and my neighbourhood has about 8 bubble tea shops in a 5 minute walking radius... I feel like I'm an oddball among my offline friends because I don't like the tapioca pearls hahaha. There's other kinds so I'd be curious to try too.

Try different toppings or tea types if you're up for it. I think one of the shops near me has an option for yoghurt even. I didn't think it'd go well but my younger friends who love bubble tea told me not to knock it before I try it.

I kind of fell in love with an "earl grey latte" (served cold because it was at a bubble tea shop) I tried on impulse, so I'll probably make my own.

Oh thats not good! Im so sorry to hear that. I want to refund your money!

I get mine by the box from amazon. My kitchen has never been this messy This stuff is a lifesaver.

QM, the thought of tapioca pearls horrifies me, whether in tea or in actual tapioca pudding. It's a textural thing for me. I used to enjoy iced chai tea lattes from Starbucks, so I get the idea of the early grey latte! Well, now I want an iced chai tea latte...

A solution results when somebody offers someone else a hot beverage.

We're doing Sheldon quotes, right?

Eta - sorry, im being an idiot. My head is foggy these days.

I think you’re correct here, SD.

I wonder how I can adjust my expectations and behaviour to avoid this kind of experience in the future. Maybe I should do less “being friendly and nice” and then expecting that in return? Bc then I am super annoyed when people aren’t that way.

I’m not saying I ought to be a jerk, just that I maybe shouldn’t go out of my way to be nice.

Then how do you do chia? Those pudding pictures, which are ALL OVER the internet, with NOOOOO warning!!!!

I wonder if that particular person had someone else in their ear a lot (as Scarlet said), and this third person saw an opportunity to manipulate you the way they manipulate the new roommate.

That doesnt excuse the behavior, but it may explain why it came in from left field? Cuz she sounds indecisive from what you said in the later posts. I would almost say wishy-washy.

I dealt with this sort of thing in divorces (and other areas -divorce was just a clear example of it) - each person starts off being "nice" with the expectation that their definition of "nice" is going to compel the other person to be the same definition of "nice" = it never worked. Everyone got more upset because each believed the other was taking advantage and emotional baggage came into play and I would have to tell clients that it would be cheaper to pay a therapist to listen to how spouse done them wrong than it was to tell me. I don't think this woman is being a jerk nor that it was third party pressure to manipulate etc (really most people don't go to that much effort really) nor that Chiro is being a jerk - I think it is mismanaged expectations. If you are only being nice because you are expecting X in return - it often fails from what I have seen (and results in a lot of litigation). Clear boundaries and reasonable expectations can help, I think. I find that people are often more self focused and just not thinking that much about the other person rather than intentionally trying to screw you over. A clear boundary without excessive emotion helps, in my opinion.

Entirely possible.

And/or she’s in her early 20s; maybe she agreed to the terms I set out and then her parents were like, “that’s not fair, you shouldn’t have agreed to that” and she was trying to save face or retroactively take their advice.

I really think it is possible to spend too much energy trying to understand why this stranger is doing something. Set your boundaries and go on with your life. Plus there is a philosophy of it doesn't hurt to ask. Why are you taking her asking so personally?

Chia seeds are tiny compared to boba. I ate some chia oat pudding for breakfast. I like tapioca too

I'm horrified by that as well!

I solved this problem (mostly) long ago by deciding 25% of the human race is total **** and another 72.7% is either incapable of logical thought and consistent behavior or isn't paying attention or is lazy or all three. The remaining 2.3% are the people I like.

Extreme, but overall it's lowered my blood pressure.

I don't disagree in general. I do believe most people are just not paying attention to others. God knows my reaction to things is not what people are often expecting - and their reactions baffle the bejeezus out of me as well. But it is rarely intentionally to jerk the others around. I am in my own little world as much as everyone else is.

My 80lb blind dog is now freaking out about climbing stairs. It is getting to be a problem because I am old and carrying him up the stairs is getting to be a bit of a challenge. He can still go down them which is good. But he is terrified of any ramp I try (and there have been several) and I am getting worried about leaving him with dog sitters plus he is only 7 so we have a few years of this left. And going out and telling him to just come in already in an exasperated tone is not having the desired effect of spurring on to self - sufficiency

That’s some wisdom right there, SD. I’m going to have to marinate in this one for a bit. Thank you.