sad day /T-sighting

Today was a horrible day. I used all my bad coping mechanisms and stayed at home all day to do them. Very depressed and even suicidal, and i thought of calling my T but felt bad cuz its the weekend, so i went to the grocery store to pick up some binge food. Who do i see down the aisle? yes my T. I was frozen and jolted and I think I sprinted away from her. and i really needed her

Sorry to hear you had such a bad day, EV I think you should call T if you are still feeling this way tommorrow. Your life is more important than a weekend. Pls stay safe

I used to wish I would run into T around town, but honestly, I think it'd freak me out and I'd bolt. I'd be afraid she wouldn't be happy to see me. I would also feel ashamed if I saw her on a day when I was doing unhealthy coping.

I really hope things look better for you in the am. Pls take gentle care of you... You are loved

Yeah. it was that. I know she was hating seeing me there. I had a grocery cart with my binge food (although i dont think it was obvious). I looked horrible. and I just wanted to run away. I literally ran to the other side of the grocery store and regrouped in the frozen food section. pathetic

Last week I was at Walmart just getting normal Walmart stuff and saw my pdoc's nurse there. I haven't ever run into any of the people on my mental health team in public before and found myself all shy. I said hi and she told me about what she was going to do that weekend and what she was cooking for supper...cuz she had some yummy looking food in her cart. I told her I was going to call the office and leave message for her to get on Monday and she said well why not just ask me now? I'm thinking umm I'm in walmart?! So I did and she told me she'd talk to my pdoc on Monday and if the problem persisted over the weekend to call the hospital even though he wasn't on call last weekend. I thought that was nice. I saw her again later on at a different place in the store as we were both heading back to the front and I had a chance to tell her something else I wanted Dr. H to know. She asked me to call and leave her a message.

I called the office and left a message and then felt bad that I bothered her while she was shopping and apologized.

Jbug

i don't think it's pathetic.... i know i would have done the same.
i also think you can call t. it is important. you are important. be safe, k?
kiya

Not pathetic at all, EV. Very understandable. I bet T would understand, too

OMG Esther,

I would have DIED if I saw T in the grocery store or in fact anywhere.

I am sorry you had this experience.

((((((((((((((EV))))))))))))))))

Hope you are feeling better today.

EV, funny sometimes when I'm real down and manage to find the energy to go to the shops, I find if I just smile a 1 other person it lifts how I am feeling, and makes me glad I made the effort to go out. But having seen T would have added to the torment of missing her even more. Could you manage to go out again and just look at peoples faces? Its strange how sometimes eyes seem to meet, you dont know each other, but theres something connecting there.

thanks all..

Today I went back to that grocery store to pick a few things that I didnt get last night cuz i was freaking out. I'm still so wierded out. Funny thing is I saw her once before, but that time she was with her fiance and I was with friends, but it didnt affect me as much. I guess somewhere down deep I wish since we were both alone that we could have talked, especially since I was having such a horrible day. I wish she would have been like.. Hey . how are you. And I'd say bad, and she 'd offer to talk or go to the movies and I'd have the mom i always wanted.

I know what you mean ev... I saw my t outside of therapy for the first time last week. I wished the same thing that she would engage in conversation but all I got was a hi and a smile like any other employee would. ( I saw her at work) did ur t see u any smile or anything?

now see, i don't have to worry about this problem... my T lives in his office. He NEVER EVER leaves. i can go everywhere and never worry because i know that no matter what time of day or night it is, T is sitting safely in his chair.

oh yeah.. btw i am his ONLY client. i'm sure of it.

((EV)) hope your feeling better.

LOL MzJello!

still a bit down, but thanks for asking, mckell

I've never seen my therapist or pdoc out of the office. Out of context I probably wouldn't recognize them.

I think professionally they can't really acknowledge you other than a "hi" & a smile so as not to reveal you are a patient (HIPPA).

Also, since you mentioned feeling suicidal you should probably put a "trigger" sign on your post. I only mention it, because I often forget to do it.

Hope you are feeling better.--Suzy