[SummerTime12]

How long did it take with your current/past therapists until you shared trauma with them? I saw my last T for 5 years and it took me probably 1-2 years to start giving details about trauma.

I’ve seen my new T 3 times and while she seems great, I’m worried it’s going to take forever until I can share things with her. All she knows is the types of trauma because I put it on the intake form, nothing more. I’m also finding it hard to talk about important non-traumatic things with her, such as the bad things that happened with my last therapist.

It makes therapy difficult because literally nothing that’s going on in my life right now makes sense without knowing my past. It all has no context. So, how long until you shared?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lostislost]

I think I shared some of it immediately, other stuff I waited a while until it came up naturally, and some stuff I still don’t discuss after 6 years. I think the result of the trauma seems to be more important to discuss for me, as if I talk too much about the actual stuff that happened then I shut down really quickly and just get worse.

[LonesomeTonight]

In terms of things that had happened with my then-marriage counselor (regarding strong transference and other things, like fuzzy boundaries), I opened up to my current individual T very quickly. It was the third session, and I shared a whole bunch of stuff through tears. Then, I freaked out after session and emailed him because I was afraid I'd shared too much and he'd want to refer me on (mostly that he'd be afraid I'd become attached to him as well). It ended up being OK, and I think in a way it helped that I got some of that stuff out there early, even though it caused me some anxiety.

It also took me a lot less time than with my ex-T to share other things from my past with him. I felt like in a way, they were things I'd already shared with someone, so it made it a bit easier to share the next time. It may have also been that I felt very comfortable with him, while I never really did with ex-T (I did feel comfortable with ex-MC).

Do you think that part of it is saying things out loud? I'm wondering if it could help if you could type some of it out then share it with her over email, if she allows that? Or give it to her in session, but I know from experience how uncomfortable it can feel to sit there while the therapist is reading something. Could you also tell her that you need some help bringing up certain topics? I've also emailed my T the day before a session and said, "I need to talk about x thing tomorrow but am having trouble bringing it up. Could you help me talk about it?" And that has helped.

One other thing--do you necessarily need to share the details right now (both with trauma and your former T), or could you just give her something more general and fill in more details later?

[RoxanneToto]

Maybe a few weeks, my head was kinda foggy so it was difficult to really articulate what I was feeling/thinking, but I knew I needed to dig into it and she knew what questions to ask to help with that.

[MuddyBoots]

Second session I told her, which was a huge mistake. 2 years later and we're just starting to get into it but not really.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Immediately. I knew it was the reason for being there.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I summarized most of my history upfront with her. I actually gave her a time-line of my past. I found with ex-T, T, and L that the summary was a way for me to jump right in. Of course, details came later. Some came out right away: dependency, attachment, etc. That was because they were present right away. Other stuff came out just pretty recently (3 years in).

[nottrustin]

It took about a year or so with my long term therapist. I never intended to ever tell anybody. One day it just came out.

My current therapist I started seeing specifically for EMDR related to my trauma. So it was mentioned on my initial contact with her.

[Taylor27]

I shared mostly the main things first off as this is why im in therapy. I have seen her for almost years and just getting to the deeper things. I think it's going to be a slow process but hopefully when I get to EMDR it will be easier for me to cope with things like anxiety.My therapist is someone I trusted easy and felt she understood me from day one.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

I shared mostly the main things first off as this is why im in therapy.

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Immediately. I knew it was the reason for being there.

Was it difficult to to be so vulnerable right away, or did it feel right? I admire people who can do this.

Originally Posted by Sapien

Second session I told her, which was a huge mistake. 2 years later and we're just starting to get into it but not really.

If you don’t mind me asking, why was it a huge mistake? Please only answer if you’re comfortable doing so.

Originally Posted by Lostislost

I think the result of the trauma seems to be more important to discuss for me, as if I talk too much about the actual stuff that happened then I shut down really quickly and just get worse.

That makes sense. The result is what affects you today so working through that seems like a good idea. I tend to shut down and get worse too. I dissociate and often get really suicidal and do impulsive things when specifics are mentioned. Despite this, I still have this urge to tell someone the details of my trauma and just get it out there. When you say you get worse, what do you mean by that?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

It also took me a lot less time than with my ex-T to share other things from my past with him. I felt like in a way, they were things I'd already shared with someone, so it made it a bit easier to share the next time.

Do you think that part of it is saying things out loud? I'm wondering if it could help if you could type some of it out then share it with her over email, if she allows that? Or give it to her in session, but I know from experience how uncomfortable it can feel to sit there while the therapist is reading something. Could you also tell her that you need some help bringing up certain topics? I've also emailed my T the day before a session and said, "I need to talk about x thing tomorrow but am having trouble bringing it up. Could you help me talk about it?" And that has helped.

One other thing--do you necessarily need to share the details right now (both with trauma and your former T), or could you just give her something more general and fill in more details later?

I totally understand being able to share faster with a second T once you’ve shared before. I shared much earlier on with my previous T than I did with a past T with whom I shared some trauma. It seems to get easier as it’s repeated, but I guess maybe that’s the point. I think where it’s difficult is when someone has a bad experience with a T and it makes it hard to trust again. I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle because he was a great T for many years before things got weird. I guess it’s a little similar to your situation with ex-MC in a way, as it made you anxious after sharing with your current T because you were afraid he’d have the same reaction in the end. Although I could be way off.

I used to write things down for my previous T. It’s always a good idea, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet with this T. She’s definitely trying to get some general ideas of what’s happened—I basically told her I had a bad experience with my last T. She wanted to know the ages when I had trauma, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I just kind of gave a vague response like “some of it happened before middle school” and “there were multiple things.” Idk why it’s so difficult.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mountaindewed]

With the therapist before I moved it took about a year. I didn't think my past was still bothering me so much. With my current therapist I haven't told her much. She knows somethings though. She asked a question one time I forget about what and I got upset and said "I don't want to talk about that." And she backed off right away and said "ok. We don't have to talk about it right now." Sometimes being pushed is helpful but when a client is clearly distressed about a subject I don't feel like its ok to keep pushing at them about it.

[ArtieTheSequal]

Within the first year. I don't remember more specifically than that, I just know that much because I remember I was sitting in her old office when I first told her the stuff... and I saw her in that office for only the first year.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Was it difficult to to be so vulnerable right away, or did it feel right? I admire people who can do this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh it's definitely difficult to be that vulnerable, but I find going to therapy in the first place a vulnerable position, so it was just part of that experience.

I just was well aware that my trauma history was the root of everything that was ailing me, so I entered therapy knowing I had to go there, no matter how uncomfortable it was going to be. My goal was to get past my past so I could feel like I could live in my present with it being controlled by that bad history. I was quite ready to walk through fire to get there. (It was a long burning fire, but I got there.)

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I totally understand being able to share faster with a second T once you’ve shared before. I shared much earlier on with my previous T than I did with a past T with whom I shared some trauma. It seems to get easier as it’s repeated, but I guess maybe that’s the point. I think where it’s difficult is when someone has a bad experience with a T and it makes it hard to trust again. I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle because he was a great T for many years before things got weird. I guess it’s a little similar to your situation with ex-MC in a way, as it made you anxious after sharing with your current T because you were afraid he’d have the same reaction in the end. Although I could be way off.

I used to write things down for my previous T. It’s always a good idea, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet with this T. She’s definitely trying to get some general ideas of what’s happened—I basically told her I had a bad experience with my last T. She wanted to know the ages when I had trauma, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I just kind of gave a vague response like “some of it happened before middle school” and “there were multiple things.” Idk why it’s so difficult.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You're right that I was afraid of him having a similar reaction to ex-MC. Particularly considering he's a male who's slightly older than me. At least with your new T being female, I imagine she might not have the same concerns.

As for both the trauma and the stuff about your ex-T, it makes total sense that it's difficult for you to share right away, that you'd want to build up a bit of trust first. Do you have any sense of what might you feel more ready? For example, are you worried about being judged? About her thinking your trauma wasn't that big of a deal compared to some other stories she's heard? That she won't want to work with you any more? It could help to tell her what's holding you back (or even just to say "something is holding me back, but I don't know what").

[Lostislost]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

That makes sense. The result is what affects you today so working through that seems like a good idea. I tend to shut down and get worse too. I dissociate and often get really suicidal and do impulsive things when specifics are mentioned. Despite this, I still have this urge to tell someone the details of my trauma and just get it out there. When you say you get worse, what do you mean by that?

The same as you said really, I dissociate more, my inner critics come out and terrorise me for sharing the details with my therapist, I find I can't stop thinking about the things that happened... Like I breathed life into them again by saying it out loud. Self harm, using anything I could to escape eg. drugs or sex. The last year I haven't been able to talk about any specific trauma as I've had a baby and really don't want to dissociate or self harm. I just tell my therapist I can't talk about it right now.

[Deejay14]

I have shared some details of my SA with a therapist once via a one side of lined paper. Let her read it asked for it back a d very shortly afterwards ripped it up a d trashed it. I know I will never share my story with anyone else. I think I have healed pretty well without going over and over it. When necessary I have talked about how those moments have still effected me.

[susannahsays]

Well she already had documentation about it. Not the nitty gritty details of everything, but a general idea.

Saying she confronted me about it gives the wrong impression. However I was very combatant and my behavior/symptoms were veering out of control, so I get why she was a bit more aggressive about it. Tbh, I think I would have run in the opposite direction if she'd come across as kind or like she was tiptoeing around me. Or like she agreed with my frankly outrageous statements.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Some trauma I shared after about 8 months. Another part after maybe two years, the last stuff after almost 5.

[East17]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I’ve seen my new T 3 times and while she seems great, I’m worried it’s going to take forever until I can share things with her.

I feel just the same. With ex-T it took about a year to get to the point where I felt comfortable enough to share really dark stuff with her; then she retired suddenly through ill-health. With new-T the urge to share more quickly is there in theory, but in practice I'm scared the same thing is going to happen, that she will just abandon me when we've got to the difficult stuff.

[Omers]

I had a T that directly asked about it 15ish min into the first session

For some Ts it was early important for them to know and so they created the expectation and so I talked about it.

Awesome T wasn’t really concerned with my trauma but more with my feeling safe and comfortable with him. He is always open to listening or processing if I need to. I don’t think we have really ever talked about any of the real specifics of my trauma. More general statements and how it impacted me. But, honestly, I think he has a better understanding of my trauma than the people that wanted details. So… we have been working together a bit over three years and have not really discussed specifics… just feelings, impact, general ideas.

[Favorite Jeans]

With many kinds of trauma therapy you really don’t need to share much of the trauma if you don’t want to. You could instead work on your grounding, regulating, orienting etc. The therapist doesn’t necessarily need to know what happened. You need to understand your body’s response to trauma and figure out a way to lessen its impact on your day to day life.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by East17

I'm scared the same thing is going to happen, that she will just abandon me when we've got to the difficult stuff.

I’m terrified of this. Being extremely vulnerable with someone and then all of a sudden they’re no longer in your life.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Do you have any sense of what might you feel more ready? For example, are you worried about being judged? About her thinking your trauma wasn't that big of a deal compared to some other stories she's heard? That she won't want to work with you any more? It could help to tell her what's holding you back (or even just to say "something is holding me back, but I don't know what").

I’m definitely afraid of her judging me. I feel like when I tell people my trauma history, they look at me like im damaged. Like im fragile and they don’t know what to say. I hate that feeling. Then they say I have such an extensive trauma history and idk it just..makes me feel broken and defined by it. It’s such a strange feeling because in my mind I’ve minimize my trauma, but then here’s this person looking at me like I just told them some horrific s***. It’s a disconnect.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

With many kinds of trauma therapy you really don’t need to share much of the trauma if you don’t want to. You could instead work on your grounding, regulating, orienting etc. The therapist doesn’t necessarily need to know what happened. You need to understand your body’s response to trauma and figure out a way to lessen its impact on your day to day life.

This is essentially how my new therapist feels. I really wanna learn how to be aware of my body. But at the same time, I also wanna tell her the details at some point.

Originally Posted by Lostislost

The same as you said really, I dissociate more, my inner critics come out and terrorise me for sharing the details with my therapist, I find I can't stop thinking about the things that happened... Like I breathed life into them again by saying it out loud. Self harm, using anything I could to escape eg. drugs or sex. The last year I haven't been able to talk about any specific trauma as I've had a baby and really don't want to dissociate or self harm. I just tell my therapist I can't talk about it right now.

I feel you on those escape mechanisms. It’s great for like 5 minutes and then it all goes to **** again. Makes complete sense you’d want to stay away from trauma work now that you have a baby. Sometimes it feels like a vicious cycle: work on trauma, get completely destabilized, talk about trauma again, go crazy, and so on.

Originally Posted by Omers

I had a T that directly asked about it 15ish min into the first session

That must’ve been sooo uncomfortable. One of the new Ts I tried recently was pushy saying “I have to know what happened so I can help you.”
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk