Couch 237: Social Rules

I got approved by the animal shelter to adopt. I called the foster mom for the kitten I want and made an appointment to meet him on Friday morning (she didn't have anything sooner) - but she did say that they had several people interested in this particular kitten but she hadn't heard from any of them in several days. I'm hoping he's still available on Friday. If not, I am approved so I can select another kitten.

SD, I live alone, so for pets I go alone. I'm the only person they've bonded with so that only makes sense.

For medical appointments, I always prefer to go alone. However, I might have to change my tune at some point and ask a friend to come with me to certain appointments, ask if I can record them on my phone, or ask if my sister can listen in on the phone. So far I'm able to remember what we talked about just fine but I worry that might change. My problems with aphasia continue to get worse, although at a slow pace.

Even when I was going to see the oncologist for the first time, I went alone. If I were married or had a significant other, that would change the equation because I would take their needs and wants and feelings into account. My sisters live 5+ hours away, so I don't have to take their feelings into account.

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YAY! My daughter and her bf are moving out. They pick up the keys on 10 June. I will have my house to myself again. I can vacuum whenever i want or mow or take a shower or cook. My house has walls that are only 1/2 inch thick so sound is always a problem. It will nice and a bit lonely but they are just in the next suburb a 5 minute drive away.

I had a dream that SD built a trebuchet and we all took turns yeeting the problem people in our lives.

I prefer to do it alone, unless it’s the sort of thing like surgery where they make you bring a ride home.

Today’s randomly reappearing item: seashells, completely out of context, like on a shelf full of tools.

The knitting needles were always in something like a pencil holder, so no, not an itch.

I would love to dream about trebuchets.

I would want someone to be there for puttingbpets down as when i was a kid we would have a family conference and everyone said that we would do it together and everyone pulled out at the last moment so i usually had to do it alone. I rarely go to the doctor but i go alone when i do.

Too bad you didnt dream this before. She could have used the trebuchet to haul the old dog up and down the stairs.

When i was in the hospital for falling down (so dizzy!) ten years ago, after they admitted me i was like, do i call anybody? I didnt call my friends, and i definitely didnt call my no-contact family. When my brother had a stroke and was hospitalized sometime in the same time period, various people left voicemails. But they NEVER said why they were calling - pretty sure my mother told them not to divulge on voicemail cousins' deaths, etc. I usually figured it out months or years later. I dont know if she thought the news would be too shocking for my poor sensitive soul, or if she was just being controlling.

Pretty sure the message of the dream wasI can build my own trebuchet as it seemed more like an instructional exercise.

Do you know how a trebuchet works? That would fling him - not haul him. I would not fling him. That would be ouchy for him. I didn't mind carrying him up the stairs - my old failing body stopped letting me do it.

I love watching the shows where they build trebuchets - go for it

For a routine doctor's appointment, I will just go alone. If it was something more serious, I may ask a friend to come with me. Not sure. If I had to put a pet down, I also would do it alone. No one needs to see me break down like that.
Lol.

MD - I definitely want to be alone. Long wait time in general, but patients are never informed. Me or the other person wouldn't know how long the wait is for the MD and then payment.

I suppose I would want someone to drive me if I needed surgery under general anesthesia, but then I don't have anyone. I took public transport after my wisdom teeth got taken out under general anesthesia, after lying to the nurse that I'll call for a taxi.

For emergency room, I have no one since I live alone currently, but I likely would want my partner. Close friend sounds tempting but I'd feel like a burden, so no.

I've never had to put down a pet, but I would probably want my partner or close friend around, as long as they don't push me to talk. But then, I hate crying in front of another person lol.

New pandemic therapy experience: my T's husband was exposed to Covid at work and my T couldn't be sure she wasn't having symptoms because she just got her second booster and was reacting to it (again!). My kids were both home yesterday because of the holiday which made finding space and quiet for telehealth nearly impossible. Instead we had a session in the (abandoned, due to the holiday) parking lot outside her office. We parked side by side and sat in the driver's seats of our respective cars and talked through the open windows. It was the only shady place to sit in the area. It honestly was a really productive session, which was surprising given how weird the whole setup was.

Ooh, this brings to mind many many scenes in cop and spy movies and shows. All you needed was for it to be 1 am. And also one of you to floor it with squealing tires when you left.

I was picturing controlled slow motion like with a pulley and a mattress landing. Not just flanging him. Im not a monster!

I prefer to go alone. I don't mind accompanying others to their unpleasant stuff though.

That's very creative of you and your T. I'm glad you were able to find a way to make it work and have a productive session! I hope she doesn't end up having Covid.

Well technically I don't live alone but I'm a household of 1. My flatmates do their own thing.

I'm really cranky today because I can't even keep my stuff clean in the kitchen because folks don't wipe up their oil splatters, food spills and stains, dried food crumbs... all of which attracts pests!

BOLD, disease carrying pests in daylight near someone's rice cooker with rice in it, because someone mashed cooked rice grains under several stained cloths, and against the wall.

If I don't hang dish cloths used for the sink up to dry, it sits beside the sink, soaked for days and days.

I'm really angry to be the one cleaning the sink area because people don't empty lids and containers of stagnant water. Dengue is a thing where I live, there's periodic outbreaks.

Someone left an utterly soaked and dirty sponge sitting there since mid April.

I've complained to the landlord and I also stated how me and the other 2 women (there's 3 men) take turns taking out the garbage or it sits there stinking and yes pests!

It's less than 1 minute to the central garbage disposal unit in this apartment block, grrr...

My Dad was there with me when we put down Esther. I don't think I was in any shape to drive home after crying my eyes out. He cried a little too but wasn't sobbing like I was. So I definitely think I would want someone there for putting a pet down. Helen and Amelia are still young but I recently felt a lump on Amelia's stomach and I am worried when I take her to the vet they are going to say Tumor or something. I make my Dad go with me to vet appointments too. My Dad was with me for every appointment with Esther--all through her diabetes, and sometimes my Mom too. We made the trek every day she was in the animal hospital even though we didn't get to see her, we wanted to talk to the doctor every day. It would have been very difficult to do that by myself.

Going to the doctor--I usually do that by myself unless it is a specialist and that's only because for specialists I usually have to drive a couple of hours, we are kind of rural here. So I want someone along for the drive, not necessarily for the appointment. Although my Mom used to accompany me into the Neurologist appointments and that was kind of comforting. My Mom was also allowed to come with me when I had tumors removed from my mouth. I was in a surgery center not a hospital and she got to come in the room, though she had to be way on the other side. I was in twilight and I was trying to tell her I was okay using sign language, obviously I couldn't talk, but I must have done it wrong in my twilight stage because she got really upset and thought I wasn't okay. Going to the ER I have done both--gone by myself and gone with my parents. It is nicer with my parents there but with Covid I have gotten used to going by myself, but I prefer to go with someone.

My therapy appointment went pretty well last night. I was telling Julieanne, my T, about how I have been having a lot of anxiety. We also talked about the paranoia, and agitation that I was having. Then we talked a bit about the dependence/attachment I have with my parents. She asked if I had ever worked on that in therapy before and I told her no. So we are going to try to work on that. My parents will be gone this weekend from Friday through Sunday and I will be on my own. So I am worried about that. I am worried that

Julieanne said we could talk this weekend if I find it helpful. But I don't want to transfer my dependence on my parents to my dependence on my T. So I am not sure about that. We talked about my work anxiety and she kind of reassured me but I still had to take anxiety medication this morning. I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time.

And of course i was hoping SD would use it for me in my twilight years (currently in my twilight zone years ).

I have a Pdoc appointment at 12:30 PM today. I am going to ask him if I can stop one of the antipsychotics that I am on. I'm on three which just seems like overkill. I'd like to pare down if I can. I'm a bit nervous about how the appointment will go.

One of my colleagues Microsoft Team Video called me. He was like, what's wrong? I was like, nothing. He was like, no there's something wrong. I was like no, I'm just doing payroll and my desk is covered in paperwork. I'm fine. He was like, are you feeling okay? I was like yes. I felt like I was getting the third degree. He was like, would you tell me if something was wrong? I said yes. I don't know for sure that I would. He isn't my boss anymore, he is just a colleague but I feel comfortable enough with him. But I didn't like being grilled this morning.

Sometimes an attachment type relationship with a therapist can show you a different (potentially healthier?) way of doing relationships. I think it's wise that you're cautious about being overly dependent on Julieanne, but it isn't necessarily black and white that relying on her a little bit will lead to total dependence.

Hugs, Kit. I think having one check-in with your T while your parents are away doesn't make you dependent on her. Is there other stuff you can occupy yourself with? Especially that would get you out of the house? I find it's harder for me if I have nothing going on.