Couch 237: Social Rules

Right, I knew the 4'33 sounded sort of familiar! Should have caught the reference.

And glad the arguments are now resolved.

Oh goodness that would be the best employment benefit ever! Thanks for the smile!

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More great clean-out today. Glum but with hysterical moments. Not candles, as stopdog experienced, but we keep finding random solo knitting needles everywhere.

We were talking and decided that our brains have finally reached the “Mom is dying” point but are still a ways from “Mom is dead.”

Maybe she had an itch and used a knitting needle to scratch it?

I was reflecting on my time here on this forum and other forums I have been on, and I messaged my T.

About how I see evidence here of how people can have different wants and needs, and they're not like my former friend (who I rented a room from who got very abusive to me), or my family of origin.

Folks can, in general, live and let live. Folks aren't always relentlessly forceful or domineering. Folks can disagree without belittling others etc.

Thank you, folks.

(And my inexperience with offline friendships in general wasn't due to lack of trying to form offline friendships, there was just NO opportunity for a lot of my life, including when I entered the workforce.

I was forcibly made to live like an agoraphobic person. Then when I started working once I finished vocational training, I worked really long hours with long commutes. No time to make friends when you get "home" anytime between 1130pm to 3am to get some sleep before clocking in at 9am.)

I think I can somewhat relate QM. The people here on the forums is the closest real life friends I have. And even then, I don't think I'm successful at it. I don't know how to navigate relationships outside of family and therapy. So having everyone here in my life, so to speak, is a blessing...even if I'm not very good at it. I learn a lot from people here, and I love the diversity. In fact, these forums have taught me to better accept and appreciate diversity. And I share a lot of what I learn from here with L. Even L appreciates all of you and the support you all give to me.

Thank all!

Congrats on the new job, Polibeth! Hoping you get the kitten, and that both you and your other cat can give it all the love.

I occasionally share what I've learned from here with my T too, and she recently reminded me she's not going to judge whatever helps me, even if it's social media or forum.

It's difficult to make new offline friends as adults without a lot of intentional effort, it seems.

I also value this forum. I've gotten both support and perspective from posters on here. Dr. T also likes that I'm on this forum (even though he knows many people on here aren't really fans of his!). One time I made this comment about how I've never really been in a support group. He gave me a look. Me: "What?" He said: "I think the forum you're on is like one big support group." I hadn't really thought of it that way, but I agreed that it was true (I think this was before they changed the name to My Support Forums).

Dr cancelled my appt. I rescheduled to next week but i need meds by tomorrow. I am so glad they cancelled, it is twilight zone hot today. Plus now i can eat breakfast. I will get my blood tested as soon as it cools the eff off.

This is a great support group, imo. I grew up watching my mother on the phone, i spent my career on a computer, i grew up reading from an early age, so the virtual aspect isnt weird to me. Its IRL i have trouble with.

Yeah, people on here are very understanding and knowledgeable usually! Some people in the real world should probably have more of that.

I agree, so many helpful and caring folks here and I appreciate you all, and have also found a new perspective on different things through posting here. A lot of times I try to respond to posts but then doubt myself and don't end up posting because I'm always so worried about saying the wrong thing and offending somebody. Just want y'all to know that I do care and hope that pressing the 'hugs' button is at least a little helpful even if I don't type anything. I am working on trusting myself more.

i'm in live chat this week at work (on lunch break right now) and have had only one instance of concurrent chats so far today, so that's good. It continues to be not as bad as I had initially feared, so that's a positive.

I, too, often first write something out and then delete it. It's not entirely negative, not sharing everything under the sun is good!

I definitely appreciate any hugs I get on here! And "likes," as I think you can't "hug" from Tap-a-Talk. (And of course, not everyone is a hugger!)

I have gotten onto a Judy Durham kick. I forgot a lot of the music that was hers.

Ive found that if you dont submit the reply and just back out, what youve written stays in the edit box for a while, so you can read it later. Plus it seems a less painful decision than deleting! Defer, defer, defer!

My friend is mad at me again, because I didn't get back to him right away, he always cuts off his nose to spite his face.

All I can do on TapATalk is "Thank." I have no idea how it appears to the rest of you who aren't on that platform, though. I sometimes worry about this; did I just "like" someone's saying they feel just awful today?

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Mini couch poll - when you do something unpleasant like go to an md or put a pet down -do you prefer your partner or close friend to be there or not? If you were the partner or friend would you be upset not to be there?

For me -I prefer to do it alone and I would not get upset if someone else also preferred to do it alone.

My new Therapist was supposed to call me an hour ago but never did.

Definitely not starting on the right foot.

Depends on the situation, but usually. For my surgeries, I want someone there. For doctors, I go alone. H doesn't want to go with. For putting a pet to sleep, I definitely want my H there for our pets, and I've been there for my dad's and mom's dogs.

Putting a pet down? I'd want someone there. For doctors, if it's a routine medical appointment, I'd generally want to go alone. But something like the ER for a potentially serious condition, I'd want someone there. When I had to go a few years ago (pre-pandemic) for a high heart rate, H and D were at the beach (I was supposed to head down that day to join them), and it was scary to me being in there all alone for hours. In part because I worried they'd say I was having a heart attack or needed surgery, and I'd be alone.

I just put a pet down and I went alone even though several people suggested asking my Dad to go with. I wanted it to be a private moment with just kitty and I. Usually to go to MD or ER or whatever, I also go alone.